I have often felt and been misunderstood in my life. It can be frustrating, but it reminds you to look within and to ask what your intention is. I know that looking back, I understand people now that I didn't understand before. Life has a way of teaching you, so you can grow and bloom into a fuller you. Looking back, I remember feeling very misunderstood when I became a vegetarian around twelve or thirteen. Some people would get angry and defensive at my choice. I never said everyone should be a vegetarian. I just didn't like the taste, the texture, or the thought of it. I know people thought I was weird. Still do. ;) My Mom was so supportive and never once tried to make me eat meat ever again. She's one who has not always understood my choices, but totally honored them and loved me. I often have chosen the road less traveled, in my thinking, parenting, spirituality, etc. The interesting thing about the people who I angered with my food choices is that my intention was to do what felt right for me. I knew in my heart that my choice was right. I think the perception was that I thought they were wrong. I don't have to think "they" are wrong, but that it is "wrong" for me. I may not understand them either, not even just their food preferences, but also their judgy behavior...which I don't have to! YAY! I chose to respect others. That works for me. Some may have thought I had the thinking that I was better than them because of being a vegetarian, which is so not true. I don't think I'm better than anyone. I don't play that game.
Self love is something I understand now that I did not in the past. Years ago, if I saw someone really confident, flaunting how beautiful they are, I may feel threatened and jealous. If I personally knew them, I hope I wouldn't be, but my own insecurity probably would have compared myself to them and had to make them "wrong" to feel better. I would have labeled them as narcissistic. Which is BS because I don't know their intention. Maybe they just like the way they look and they are proud of themselves. It DOES NOT make them narcissistic. That's a funny word to me because it means self-love but to excess, that you lack empathy for others, and you think you are more important than others. Well, how the hell would I know what others think anyway? If someone loves themselves from the place of ego, it's not love. If they LOVE themselves from their true self, they radiate something special. You are attracted to them. Confidence really is sexy. I love being secure within myself that I applaud others, cheering them one. When someone feels good about themselves, I literally could cry tears of joy, because it's such a beautiful thing. And I know if they truly love themselves, they have so much love for others. I know people may not understand my self-love journey and why I am the way I am. I'm okay with that. I still love me and I'm gonna shout it from the rooftops to inspire others. And I'll still cheer the haters on. They may think...who do I think I am? I'm me. (Another inspiration from Oprah-who I feel is a friend even though we never met.)
So the lesson I learned is people don't have to "get" you. Some will NEVER understand you. When they question, challenge, or judge you...look within. Focus on your intention. My intention in any conflict with anyone is for peace and to come from love. This is a challenge, but I'll keep at it. Understanding yourself is the most wonderful feeling ever. That's what really matters. You know who you are. And some will never really know you. So stop trying to get them to like, get, understand, approve, know, love, or accept you. Their lens, perspective, understanding and life is just different than yours. Don't take it personally. Just LOVE YOU. Send them love on a spiritual level. And keep doin' your thing! Blessings!
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Relationships are what you make 'em!
If you want any relationship to improve,
improve the way you think about it, talk about it, and look at it. Stop
focusing on what they don't do, what they do wrong, what they need to
change in order to make you happy. Obviously, if they are abusive, kick
'em to the curb. I'm talkin' about with our partners, friends, kids,
parents, siblings, whoever. If you internally focus on YOUR OWN
HAPPINESS, I promise you that those
little things that annoy you seem to fade away. Not to sound morbid,
but when I started thinking about how different it would be if I knew
that either one of us was dying...BOY, do you appreciate and honor that
person more. YOU have the power to improve your relationships.
With
your partner especially, cause why not have the best relationship you
can, in every way, on every level. If you want them to be more
romantic or appreciative of you, be more romantic and appreciative of
them. Love them the way they want to be loved. If you withhold love,
you punish yourself. If you feel shy about telling them how much you
love them, write them a note, give them a card, text them. Do this
without any expectation. Do not judge how they react. Some people just
can't say all those mushy things but show their love in other ways. You
CAN reinvent a relationship. Put the spice back in it. Fall in love
with them again. Recommit to one another. Ask them what they'd like to
improve and listen with an open heart. If you want to deeply connected
to them, let them see you love them unconditionally, and be their safe
place to come home to, where they can be themselves. And for your own
good: Let go of the "you never, you always, what can't you, you're not"
and all that past stuff you say to them when you're hurt. If you want
to look forward to a beautiful future together, let go of the past. And
never be afraid to say I'm sorry or I love you. Happy relationships to
all.
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Realtionships ROCK!
All of our relationships teach us about ourselves. Our romantic partners, children, parents, siblings, friends, coworkers, and our adversaries all bring up and point out our "stuff." Our closest relationships have the potential to really help us grow and become more of who were truly are. Sounds like woo woo to you, that's fine. If everyone in your life pisses you off, pushes your buttons, makes you angry, and you want to feel better...then suspend your old way of thinking for a minute. You see, these triggers are a gift. They don't feel like it, but they can be. These are opportunities to look within and ask yourself lots of questions:
~Why do I get so ANGRY when people don't agree, validate, or make me happy by what they are doing? (Often with our children, coworkers, partners, etc...whatever situations make you really mad.) It's a chance to let go of the need to control others and find peace within ourselves, no matter what someone else is doing.
~When my feelings get HURT from someone not including me, insulting me, or my partner/friend/parent/whoever not giving me enough attention...what is this bringing up for me to heal? (Whatever triggers make you feel wounded is the key here.) Your past feelings from when you were picked last in gym class come up at times like this.
~Whenever you go into the dynamic of blame and victim, stop for a second. Listen to what you are saying and thinking. "They always do this. Everyone does this to me. Whatever I do is never enough for you. You make me so mad. All you ever do is take, take, take. You're so mean to me. You never do it right." Sometimes we have a habit of saying the same things often to people or thinking them. This is a great time to journal or take a piece of paper out to find out what else is going on. You can: A. Write down what you want to feel. What you want, instead of what's going on. B. Write down all the times you can think of where you felt this way. It helps heal, when you deal. C. Write down how you could possibly say, do, or think of the situation or person differently.
Avoiding people and situations can work for a little while, but eventually you'll encounter people...unless you hide away in a hut somewhere, which I certainly did not come here for. I came here to learn, grow, enjoy, teach, and so many other things. What works for me is to be honest with myself. I don't have to necessarily tell they other person they upset me. It can create unnecessary drama. There intention may be good, but you have a negative reaction because it's about YOU. Isn't that awesome! Everyone doesn't have to change in order for you to be happy! This is where my four children give me countless times a day to do my internal work so I can experience more joy. As always, do what works for you. Setting intentions, forgiving, letting go, blessing others, Law of Attraction, self-growth, sending love & light, healing energy, new agey-woo woo stuff continues to change my life. So I'm gonna keep on keepin' on! And remember...No one can "make" you feel bad or mad. What they do or say has no power over you. You are way more powerful that that. You have a choice always. Blessings!
~Why do I get so ANGRY when people don't agree, validate, or make me happy by what they are doing? (Often with our children, coworkers, partners, etc...whatever situations make you really mad.) It's a chance to let go of the need to control others and find peace within ourselves, no matter what someone else is doing.
~When my feelings get HURT from someone not including me, insulting me, or my partner/friend/parent/whoever not giving me enough attention...what is this bringing up for me to heal? (Whatever triggers make you feel wounded is the key here.) Your past feelings from when you were picked last in gym class come up at times like this.
~Whenever you go into the dynamic of blame and victim, stop for a second. Listen to what you are saying and thinking. "They always do this. Everyone does this to me. Whatever I do is never enough for you. You make me so mad. All you ever do is take, take, take. You're so mean to me. You never do it right." Sometimes we have a habit of saying the same things often to people or thinking them. This is a great time to journal or take a piece of paper out to find out what else is going on. You can: A. Write down what you want to feel. What you want, instead of what's going on. B. Write down all the times you can think of where you felt this way. It helps heal, when you deal. C. Write down how you could possibly say, do, or think of the situation or person differently.
Avoiding people and situations can work for a little while, but eventually you'll encounter people...unless you hide away in a hut somewhere, which I certainly did not come here for. I came here to learn, grow, enjoy, teach, and so many other things. What works for me is to be honest with myself. I don't have to necessarily tell they other person they upset me. It can create unnecessary drama. There intention may be good, but you have a negative reaction because it's about YOU. Isn't that awesome! Everyone doesn't have to change in order for you to be happy! This is where my four children give me countless times a day to do my internal work so I can experience more joy. As always, do what works for you. Setting intentions, forgiving, letting go, blessing others, Law of Attraction, self-growth, sending love & light, healing energy, new agey-woo woo stuff continues to change my life. So I'm gonna keep on keepin' on! And remember...No one can "make" you feel bad or mad. What they do or say has no power over you. You are way more powerful that that. You have a choice always. Blessings!
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
The perfect mom is off the the hook.
Yeah, there are blogs every day about letting Moms off the hook for being "perfect." Or about women in general, having to be superwoman. The demands to be sexy, smart, organized, creative, peaceful and assertive and all these conflicting, muddy messages. Well, I'm going to weigh in here. I am letting you ALL off the hook...AGAIN. This is written to me also, cause who doesn't need the reminder.
I don't read parenting magazines. I think there are many different ways to parent that are all going to yield some wonderful adults. In theory, this sounds good, right? Until you talk to other parents and find out what they are doing. For me, it goes like this: School is about to start. And dance. And soccer. Oh yes...and then there is that career I'm launching. I am staying in shape too. I guess my 2 1/2 year old will have to take up weight lifting too. All four kids will have to eat dinner every night. In my mind, the thoughts start rolling, like a freight train. I need to get more organized. Successful people are organized...but then I am going to have to be vigilant every day about the kids not cluttering up/messing up/making things unorganized. I have to be the room mom for my son in kindergarten, because I was for the older two kids. And if other Moms volunteer in his classroom, once a week, I will to. Because I don't want him to think I don't love/care/want to be involved. I should take my two year old to the playground, so he can make friends, and I think they have a toddler music class too. *Do you hear this bullshit?* I take it all off the table and start again. The question is: What works for me? What will work best for my family? Ask yourself. It is your choice, you can add them all back onto the table. But it feels different when it is a choice, not an obligation or a "should."
I think it is wonderful when Moms can be everything to everyone. I am not one of them, nor do I care to be. I have to be true to me. I can be more present with my kids if I am not stressed. That's how I roll. I am teaching my kids, through my example, on how to be a person. And being off balance, trying to be "superwoman" is just not my thing. That is the FABULOUS thing. We, as Moms, get to define how we do it. My mom was a working mom and I admire the ROCKSTAR that she still is. She is smart, ambitious, and is the most amazing lady I ever met. She reminds me all the time to let myself off the hook. She didn't go to class parties, but I knew she loved me. Whether you are a stay-at-home-mom, work full-time, part-time, it doesn't matter. You set boundaries, because no one else will set them for you. Do something for yourself every day, whether it is a taking a walk, dancing, treating yourself, but fill up your self-love tank. Your kids don't realize you're a person, they just think you're a Mom, who feeds them, drives them around, and is at their service 24-7. If that works for you, great, if not....YOU ARE OFF THE HOOK. Let go of the "perfect/good/nice" mom thing. I, for one, am perfect for me. :)
And YAY for choices!!! A happy Mom is what kids want most. My advice: Love them lots and be silly with them. Blessings to all! And Dads, men, people in general, I hereby decree: YOU ARE OFF THE HOOK ALSO. Take a deep breath. You can be yourself now. And don't forget to enjoy life!!! Lovies, Jennylicious!!!
I don't read parenting magazines. I think there are many different ways to parent that are all going to yield some wonderful adults. In theory, this sounds good, right? Until you talk to other parents and find out what they are doing. For me, it goes like this: School is about to start. And dance. And soccer. Oh yes...and then there is that career I'm launching. I am staying in shape too. I guess my 2 1/2 year old will have to take up weight lifting too. All four kids will have to eat dinner every night. In my mind, the thoughts start rolling, like a freight train. I need to get more organized. Successful people are organized...but then I am going to have to be vigilant every day about the kids not cluttering up/messing up/making things unorganized. I have to be the room mom for my son in kindergarten, because I was for the older two kids. And if other Moms volunteer in his classroom, once a week, I will to. Because I don't want him to think I don't love/care/want to be involved. I should take my two year old to the playground, so he can make friends, and I think they have a toddler music class too. *Do you hear this bullshit?* I take it all off the table and start again. The question is: What works for me? What will work best for my family? Ask yourself. It is your choice, you can add them all back onto the table. But it feels different when it is a choice, not an obligation or a "should."
I think it is wonderful when Moms can be everything to everyone. I am not one of them, nor do I care to be. I have to be true to me. I can be more present with my kids if I am not stressed. That's how I roll. I am teaching my kids, through my example, on how to be a person. And being off balance, trying to be "superwoman" is just not my thing. That is the FABULOUS thing. We, as Moms, get to define how we do it. My mom was a working mom and I admire the ROCKSTAR that she still is. She is smart, ambitious, and is the most amazing lady I ever met. She reminds me all the time to let myself off the hook. She didn't go to class parties, but I knew she loved me. Whether you are a stay-at-home-mom, work full-time, part-time, it doesn't matter. You set boundaries, because no one else will set them for you. Do something for yourself every day, whether it is a taking a walk, dancing, treating yourself, but fill up your self-love tank. Your kids don't realize you're a person, they just think you're a Mom, who feeds them, drives them around, and is at their service 24-7. If that works for you, great, if not....YOU ARE OFF THE HOOK. Let go of the "perfect/good/nice" mom thing. I, for one, am perfect for me. :)
And YAY for choices!!! A happy Mom is what kids want most. My advice: Love them lots and be silly with them. Blessings to all! And Dads, men, people in general, I hereby decree: YOU ARE OFF THE HOOK ALSO. Take a deep breath. You can be yourself now. And don't forget to enjoy life!!! Lovies, Jennylicious!!!
Saturday, July 21, 2012
YOU DAY!
Hello Beautyilicious! Take the day off! If you can't today, do it real soon. It's essential to nurture your spirit, by taking care of your body and mind. I am here by, giving you permission to stay in bed all day if you want. You can watch movies and eat ice cream. You can go by what your body tells you it wants. Sometimes it needs to rest and relax. For some, it needs to skydive, it's whatever you like. Many people say, oh...but I have so much to do. But I will tell you, the "stuff" can wait a day. When you keep running around, minds never stopping, you can get worn out. You body gets sick and needs to heal. But you can hit the refresh button, just like on your computer. Recharge yourself, by doing what you like. Live on purpose and that could means going shopping, if that is what you have been wanting to do. Let yourself have a vacation day, once a month. You will thank yourself for it.
Tips:
Think only what you want to think about. Or don't think at all.
Do things that feel good. Treat yourself like you really are on vacation.
Stress, worry, regret, fear, doubt, and guilt are not allowed to come on vacay with you.
Laugh, play, dance, lounge, swim, eat, drink, stretch, and whatever your body likes.
Your kids can eat peanut butter and jelly or cereal. Having a happy parent means more to their health, than what's for dinner one night a month. Or order take-out if you can. Cook if you enjoy it. This is about a state of mind. So even if you can't afford to go on vacation, make yourself have the feeling. Dust will wait for you. Laundry is very patient. Yard work is going to be there tomorrow. It's your life, you make the rules. You get to define how you like to live and what you want to do. By making yourself top priority, you show others, including your kids, how to be happy themselves. Show other the way to be happy, by being happy.
And I did follow my own advice and did this last Thursday. I sat on my sun porch, with a saucy novel, and read for hours. In the afternoon, I even made a fruity cocktail, which is named Liquid Sunshine. Psst...I invented it and it's just Pino Grigio with chopped pineapple, but it's delicious! I did do some laundry, but didn't fold it. You see, sheets that were peed on by little kids cannot wait, but I still had my vacay state of mind. We ordered pizza for dinner and watched a funny movie. The Thursday before, we went to the beach from 1pm to 7pm and we had pizza on the beach for dinner. This is how you make a fabulous life for yourself. You think it up and then create it.
Knowing that how I feel is the most important thing, I take care of myself everyday. When you are aware of your energy and how your vibe is, you have so much more to give. Although, you have to balance that. There is no..."Oh, I'm so sorry I can't help that day" (or do that thing for you). I don't say "I feel so bad..." when I can't do things anymore. You can't be everything to everybody. Especially to be successful and happy, you have to know what to say no to, and what to say yes to. You can tell by the feeling inside, it gives you. You have your answers within. You really are a ROCKSTAR! And Rockstars deserve vacations. And another secret is: You can live in the vacation state of mind all the time. Just by treating yourself with kindness, following your bliss, doing things that make you feel good, and focusing on the positive...is like being on vacation. That sense of freedom is always where, should you choose to accept the mission. Your mission is: TO LOVE YOURSELF UNABASHEDLY. Now....GO! Over and out, Roger!
LOL! Can you tell I have have little kids. ;)
Tips:
Think only what you want to think about. Or don't think at all.
Do things that feel good. Treat yourself like you really are on vacation.
Stress, worry, regret, fear, doubt, and guilt are not allowed to come on vacay with you.
Laugh, play, dance, lounge, swim, eat, drink, stretch, and whatever your body likes.
Your kids can eat peanut butter and jelly or cereal. Having a happy parent means more to their health, than what's for dinner one night a month. Or order take-out if you can. Cook if you enjoy it. This is about a state of mind. So even if you can't afford to go on vacation, make yourself have the feeling. Dust will wait for you. Laundry is very patient. Yard work is going to be there tomorrow. It's your life, you make the rules. You get to define how you like to live and what you want to do. By making yourself top priority, you show others, including your kids, how to be happy themselves. Show other the way to be happy, by being happy.
And I did follow my own advice and did this last Thursday. I sat on my sun porch, with a saucy novel, and read for hours. In the afternoon, I even made a fruity cocktail, which is named Liquid Sunshine. Psst...I invented it and it's just Pino Grigio with chopped pineapple, but it's delicious! I did do some laundry, but didn't fold it. You see, sheets that were peed on by little kids cannot wait, but I still had my vacay state of mind. We ordered pizza for dinner and watched a funny movie. The Thursday before, we went to the beach from 1pm to 7pm and we had pizza on the beach for dinner. This is how you make a fabulous life for yourself. You think it up and then create it.
Knowing that how I feel is the most important thing, I take care of myself everyday. When you are aware of your energy and how your vibe is, you have so much more to give. Although, you have to balance that. There is no..."Oh, I'm so sorry I can't help that day" (or do that thing for you). I don't say "I feel so bad..." when I can't do things anymore. You can't be everything to everybody. Especially to be successful and happy, you have to know what to say no to, and what to say yes to. You can tell by the feeling inside, it gives you. You have your answers within. You really are a ROCKSTAR! And Rockstars deserve vacations. And another secret is: You can live in the vacation state of mind all the time. Just by treating yourself with kindness, following your bliss, doing things that make you feel good, and focusing on the positive...is like being on vacation. That sense of freedom is always where, should you choose to accept the mission. Your mission is: TO LOVE YOURSELF UNABASHEDLY. Now....GO! Over and out, Roger!
LOL! Can you tell I have have little kids. ;)
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Feisty Soul report from the Mommy-hood!
I love being a Mom. I used to really suck at it. Well, actually I use to think I sucked at it. I thought I was the worst mother in the world sometimes. In reality, I became a Mom at twenty and did the best I could with who I was then. I don't live in the past. Nowadays, I don't judge myself. If I do feel that I could have done something differently, I think...Okie Dokie, and move on. I actually think Motherhood is fascinating. In some cultures, it is so intuitive, instinctual, they are just doing their thing, without any of the parenting books, magazines, or experts. For many, whether you work full time, part time, or are a stay-at-home-mom, this job is like they say, the hardest. When you make a parenting mistake you can feel like you screwed them up for life. Yes, if you screw up at work, you can get fired, but the feeling like you really screwed up with your child makes you feel like a complete failure. The reason I wanted to write this is to share some things I have learned. I am the zany mother of an almost fifteen year old daughter, and three sons, eleven, five, and two.
First of all, I have learned to stop asking everyone their opinion on things related to my kids, parenting, and decisions. This used to make me feel so confused. I gave all my power away. The people pleaser in me could never win. But really, there is no real right, idea, perfect way to do it. If your kid sleeps in your bed until they are five, sucks their thumb until they were eleven (okay this was me), uses cloth diapers, eats the right serving of vegetables, go to a certain preschool, does flash cards, blah...blah...blah. Your kids are not going to remember most of this, but how you made them feel. What you were like as a parent and person is what they will be telling their grandkids. Best advice, love them. Play with them, but in your own way. If you do not like playing transformers with them, watch a movie with them, bake with them, dance with them. Just let them see you enjoy life. Let them see your JOY. Let them know you.
If you clean up the toys, they will get them out again. If you wash the windows, they will lick the glass. If you vacuum, they will dump their snack on the carpet. If you are in a rush, someone will crap their pants. These kinds of shenanigans happen with my youngest two, who often have meltdowns simultaneously and often when I get a phone call. This teaches me detachment. To not be so attached to the way things have to look or be. It's nothing personal, they don't even do it on purpose. Don't expect them to be perfect. You don't want robots, that would be boring. It's the same with older kids, only different issues. Making mistakes helps them learn and decide what works for them. Let them grow. Everyday they are changing, so you have to go with the flow. They don't want to hang out with you anymore and think what you say is all wrong. It's a normal part of development and it's nothing personal. Let them have some space to breath. No helicopter parenting here anymore. They are wiser than grown-ups give them credit for.
Your kids are going to get mad at you, give you an attitude, think you are unfair, and all that fun stuff sometimes. Life goes on. Life can be messy and beautiful at the same time. You are teaching your children that relationships are about both sides. The parent isn't always right and it does not make you look weak in showing them this. The old way of parenting doesn't work anymore. Laying down the law, never adjusting the rules, and having them fear you is a bunch of baloney. Cultivate your own style of parenting that will have it's ebb and flow. What worked yesterday may not work today. When they are little they can get over things quick, especially if given a lollipop. With my older kids, I have a habit of trying to make up with them before they are ready, wanting them to talk about their feelings, and wanting peaceful energy again. But they are entitled to their feelings, as well as I am entitled to mine. They can't make me mad, sad, happy, or anything. That is my choice. They are doing, saying, being, and I can react or I can BE, as in be energy. I can the Be Energy of whatever. I can be the energy of peace, love, & joy when I choose to. I can take a deep breath and go to the happy place, even if it seems like there is a carnival-zoo-frat party going on around me. You cannot please everyone and that would not be good for them anyway. Sometimes the best things happen, when plans change.
The idea of being a good parent has good intentions. What I think is the more important thing than trying to impossibly be a perfect parent, is to show them how to be a happy, healthy person. I have missed appointments, shown up to dress rehearsal with my daughter a week too early (she was five and she still won't let me forget it), sent my son to pajama day a day early (that was this year), and many other human moments. I am perfectly me. Back when I was a young Mom, I would beat myself for days over mistakes, replaying it in my head, feeling embarrassed, and worried about what other people would think. Thank God those days are over. I had a lady come up to me on the beach last weekend and tell me what a good Mom I was. She was observing how I dealt with a situation. It was really nice to hear. But I still have my freak out moments, but they are rare now. I use to yell all the time, because I wasn't happy inside. I worked on me. I did the internal work on myself. I can proudly-boldly-unabashedly say...I love myself, which allows me to let my kids be themselves and I can love them unconditionally.
Message that I want all the Moms to hear is to focus on yourself and your energy. Fill up your own love tank. Be FULL of yourself, full of life. Fill up your own cup first and it will be so full that the love spills out into every area of your life and everyone. Really love yourself and you will be teaching the most valuable lesson in the world, to love themselves. When you love yourself, you are happy, you are kind, you thrive. You can teach self-esteem, but they will do what you do, not what you say. What I strive everyday to instill in my kids, by just being me, is to be yourself. Love yourself. Don't worry about what anyone else thinks. Not everyone is going to get you. Have lots of fun. Do your best, but more importantly be kind to yourself when you make mistakes. Follow your intuition, your inner voice. You can have bliss, joy, peace, and all the good feelings by living in the moment. Appreciate nature. Forgive people and move on. You are always connected to God/Universe/Source. You have guides and angels always loving and supporting you. You are responsible for your own energy. You can raise your vibes when you want. Life is good and it keeps getting better. I often say, "I love life. I love my life." Be in a thankful place and you will receive so much more. Carve your own unique path. Live your own life. Do what makes you happy. You do your own thing, let others do theirs, and respect everyone. I look at my kids as beings that I get to help and guide. They are not property, they are just little people. I love that they teach me as much as I teach them. I let them see me grow, learn, and bloom everyday. Deep breath again, you are doing an amazing job. Relax.
First of all, I have learned to stop asking everyone their opinion on things related to my kids, parenting, and decisions. This used to make me feel so confused. I gave all my power away. The people pleaser in me could never win. But really, there is no real right, idea, perfect way to do it. If your kid sleeps in your bed until they are five, sucks their thumb until they were eleven (okay this was me), uses cloth diapers, eats the right serving of vegetables, go to a certain preschool, does flash cards, blah...blah...blah. Your kids are not going to remember most of this, but how you made them feel. What you were like as a parent and person is what they will be telling their grandkids. Best advice, love them. Play with them, but in your own way. If you do not like playing transformers with them, watch a movie with them, bake with them, dance with them. Just let them see you enjoy life. Let them see your JOY. Let them know you.
If you clean up the toys, they will get them out again. If you wash the windows, they will lick the glass. If you vacuum, they will dump their snack on the carpet. If you are in a rush, someone will crap their pants. These kinds of shenanigans happen with my youngest two, who often have meltdowns simultaneously and often when I get a phone call. This teaches me detachment. To not be so attached to the way things have to look or be. It's nothing personal, they don't even do it on purpose. Don't expect them to be perfect. You don't want robots, that would be boring. It's the same with older kids, only different issues. Making mistakes helps them learn and decide what works for them. Let them grow. Everyday they are changing, so you have to go with the flow. They don't want to hang out with you anymore and think what you say is all wrong. It's a normal part of development and it's nothing personal. Let them have some space to breath. No helicopter parenting here anymore. They are wiser than grown-ups give them credit for.
Your kids are going to get mad at you, give you an attitude, think you are unfair, and all that fun stuff sometimes. Life goes on. Life can be messy and beautiful at the same time. You are teaching your children that relationships are about both sides. The parent isn't always right and it does not make you look weak in showing them this. The old way of parenting doesn't work anymore. Laying down the law, never adjusting the rules, and having them fear you is a bunch of baloney. Cultivate your own style of parenting that will have it's ebb and flow. What worked yesterday may not work today. When they are little they can get over things quick, especially if given a lollipop. With my older kids, I have a habit of trying to make up with them before they are ready, wanting them to talk about their feelings, and wanting peaceful energy again. But they are entitled to their feelings, as well as I am entitled to mine. They can't make me mad, sad, happy, or anything. That is my choice. They are doing, saying, being, and I can react or I can BE, as in be energy. I can the Be Energy of whatever. I can be the energy of peace, love, & joy when I choose to. I can take a deep breath and go to the happy place, even if it seems like there is a carnival-zoo-frat party going on around me. You cannot please everyone and that would not be good for them anyway. Sometimes the best things happen, when plans change.
The idea of being a good parent has good intentions. What I think is the more important thing than trying to impossibly be a perfect parent, is to show them how to be a happy, healthy person. I have missed appointments, shown up to dress rehearsal with my daughter a week too early (she was five and she still won't let me forget it), sent my son to pajama day a day early (that was this year), and many other human moments. I am perfectly me. Back when I was a young Mom, I would beat myself for days over mistakes, replaying it in my head, feeling embarrassed, and worried about what other people would think. Thank God those days are over. I had a lady come up to me on the beach last weekend and tell me what a good Mom I was. She was observing how I dealt with a situation. It was really nice to hear. But I still have my freak out moments, but they are rare now. I use to yell all the time, because I wasn't happy inside. I worked on me. I did the internal work on myself. I can proudly-boldly-unabashedly say...I love myself, which allows me to let my kids be themselves and I can love them unconditionally.
Message that I want all the Moms to hear is to focus on yourself and your energy. Fill up your own love tank. Be FULL of yourself, full of life. Fill up your own cup first and it will be so full that the love spills out into every area of your life and everyone. Really love yourself and you will be teaching the most valuable lesson in the world, to love themselves. When you love yourself, you are happy, you are kind, you thrive. You can teach self-esteem, but they will do what you do, not what you say. What I strive everyday to instill in my kids, by just being me, is to be yourself. Love yourself. Don't worry about what anyone else thinks. Not everyone is going to get you. Have lots of fun. Do your best, but more importantly be kind to yourself when you make mistakes. Follow your intuition, your inner voice. You can have bliss, joy, peace, and all the good feelings by living in the moment. Appreciate nature. Forgive people and move on. You are always connected to God/Universe/Source. You have guides and angels always loving and supporting you. You are responsible for your own energy. You can raise your vibes when you want. Life is good and it keeps getting better. I often say, "I love life. I love my life." Be in a thankful place and you will receive so much more. Carve your own unique path. Live your own life. Do what makes you happy. You do your own thing, let others do theirs, and respect everyone. I look at my kids as beings that I get to help and guide. They are not property, they are just little people. I love that they teach me as much as I teach them. I let them see me grow, learn, and bloom everyday. Deep breath again, you are doing an amazing job. Relax.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
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