.Sex.

Do I have your attention? Are you afraid to talk about it? What about the word, erotic. Gasp! Is it too taboo? What about with your partner? We’re often taught that it’s actually forbidden to talk about. Sexuality is dangerous. It’s to be tamed and controlled, rather than celebrated and explored. That’s BS. YOU are a sexual being. We all are and sensuality is natural to us. And sex is beautiful. Sex is spiritual. It’s all about intention and connection.


I, for one, love talking about sex. So how is your sex life? Hmm…did you just tense up, cause I struck a nerve? Are you wanting to feel more sexy? Good way to feel more sexy is to have more sex. Not just have sex, but like a whole new level of pleasure.

I’m talking a wild, free, and out-of-body kind of experience.
It can make you feel vulnerable. Or it can make you feel powerful.
In that raw, open, intense, vulnerable, powerful, sacredness, you can experience bliss beyond just the physical.

Do you think people who have been in a committed relationship can have that, a passionate, mind-blowing sex life? HELL YEAH they can!

When Fifty Shades of Grey came out and everyone was going nuts over it, I thought about how wild it was that so many women were reading it. Like normal, don’t-look-like-a-freak-in-the-bedroom type. They were not just reading it because a hot rich guy sweeps someone off their feet. We’ve read that story a million times. They were reading for the sex. Not just sex, but push you to your limits sex. And it made whips, blindfolds, and spanking seem different, like the fact that this book became so mainstream, maybe S & M was not so forbidden and taboo. It opened up a world of possibilities.
But could you just ask your partner to try new things? Like kinky things? Exploring your limits, finding the edge is thrilling. Talking about your fantasies and what you’d like to do can open up a new level of your relationship. It’s intimate and fun at the same time. Sex isn’t just the connection to the other person, but also a connection to more of yourself.

Your kinky level aside, enjoying more intimacy in your relationship in the bedroom can create a deeper relationship as a whole. When you’re really connecting on that physical level, with your heart also in it, as you try to please each other, it becomes a sacred dance. It really can be a soul connection, a truly spiritual experience. When you’re full of love and intending to feel good, orgasms can be like a mystical, transcendent, beyond all the time and space, cosmic moment where you’re flooded with the feeling of all the love in the world. Your relationship changes when your sex life does, it can even rekindle the romance from long ago. Open your mind to the possibility.

As women, we can improve our relationships by having sex more often with our partners. I can imagine all the eye rolling going on as you’re reading this. But seriously, sex is for you too. I remember a time when my older kids were younger, feeling like it was one more thing I had to do, I didn’t have more to give. But sex is about giving and receiving. If not, it’s not balanced. Tell your partner what you like, what you want, what turns you on. Turning someone on is enjoyable for both, when you love each other. If you’re so over the sex you’ve been having, because you’ve been with the same partner for years…rev it up! Spice it up. Become your own romance novel. Share a bottle of wine and write down on pieces of paper what turns you on, what you’d like to try. Leave love notes. Send racy texts. Flirt with them. Create your own passion. Buy some lingerie. Even wearing sexy leopard underwear underneath your clothes makes you feel sexier. Put on your favorite outfit, get all dolled up, and dance to your favorite song all by yourself. Sing along and get those good vibes going. When you’re feeling good, that’s an avenue to feeling more sexy. Even exercise gets those endorphins going and can lead to better sex. Get in touch with your body, however best suits you. Remember that empowering, excited, high feeling you had when you first seduced your lover, you can have it again no matter how long you’ve been together.

Now please don’t get me wrong, this is not about letting a person dominate you in your relationship or about being a people pleaser. I’m not saying you have to watch sports or do only what they like, do the traditional housewife/female thing, or any of that. You do what works for you there. I’m talking about having a better relationship emotionally and physically. No matter what you weigh, what your age, or any of the superficial stuff, you can be the sexiest goddess around. Sex appeal comes from within. Being confident is so sexy. Let yourself go there. Let that inner sex kitten out to play and let yourself have the best relationship you can. Love is on many levels, and the physical can be oh-so fun!!!

Let yourself have fun, be playful, enjoy life, and have lots of pleasure however you like. Whatever floats your boat, do that. And sometimes reading about sex tips in books or magazines seem like they aren’t for real people, so talk to your girlfriends about it. I’ve gotten some ideas from hearing what works for them. But hey, if that makes you feel too naughty and you’d rather be shy, just act out Fifty Shades of Grey. All kidding aside, costumes or acting out a scenario, playing roles sounds hilarious but it can be really awesome. Plus, laughing during for play and sex is allowed. Wishing you a delicious life is all ways. Remember you can be naughty and nice. Erotic is not just for twenty somethings. Get your sexy on.

Originally posted on:  http://www.2baware.net/growth/sex/

Sexy is not a bad word!

The whole sexuality/sensuality has gotten a really bad rap and has many confused.  For a certain time in my early twenties, I was heavier than I am now.  I didn’t feel sexy.  People just treated me normal.  By the time I turned twenty-seven I had lost over fifty pounds.  Both men and women treated me differently.  It was awkward.  I dressed differently.  My clothes were more form-fitting.  I could tell some of my female friends at the time didn’t like it.  Some were supportive though and I’ll always appreciate that.  Even going into to get a cup of coffee at the convenience store I would see some men stare at me.  It made me feel good sometimes.  It made me feel disgusting other times.  Like I wanted to wear a big parka over my clothes and hide.  I was an object and it felt like my sexuality was a public thing or something.  It like I was in brand-new skin and I didn’t know what to do with it.


Fast forward to age thirty-five, I celebrate my sexuality and am not afraid of being sexy.  I’m comfortable being me.  I am sexy.  I am a happily married woman and I can dress however I want.  This doesn’t make you easy, loose, a hoochie mama, a tramp, a slut, or a ho.  This idea that you have to not be sexy in order for men to not objectify you is bullshit.  Sorry, I get to define myself and my life on my terms.  I make up my own rules.  Other women’s beauty or sexiness have nothing to do with me.  I’m not in competition with them.  I want them to celebrate themselves, love everything about themselves, and have a wonderful sex life.  It doesn’t matter what you weigh, what your ethnicity is, or how “culturally” beautiful you are.  We can all be sexy, if we feel it inside.  We are sexual beings. There’s no need to shut that down.  Some people choose to be super private about it.  I honor everyone’s choices.  I love choices.  I get to rock a leopard bikini post it on Facebook, while someone else can just post pictures of their cat.  It’s all good.  I’m not more sexy than them, I’m just loud and proud about it.  I will not hide.  I will not be ashamed of my sexuality or my beautiful body.  If men or women appreciate my picture or me on the beach in a bikini, that’s cool.  But really, it doesn’t matter.  I live for me, not so others will say I’m thin, sexy, look great or that I’m beautiful.  It’s my job to tell myself that.  Being sexy is just one aspect of me.

If people get the wrong idea of me based upon a picture of me, that’s on them.  I know that people get upset when women are objectified.  They’re getting messages from magazines, the media, and the porn industry that they have to be sexy to be valued.  I totally understand that.  But there is not one type of sexy.  And it can be defined as provoking or intended to provoke sexual interest.  Or as feeling sexual interest; aroused.  And also as interesting, exciting, or trendy.  Does that sound so terrible?  Not to me.  To me, it’s a vibe that people give of.  It’s an aliveness.  A vibrancy that doesn’t have to do with what they’re wearing, but rather their energy.  I’ve seen scantily clad chicks that have a blank look on their face and I don’t think it’s sexy.  I think that when people are comfortable in their own skin, when they are happy, and when they glow from the inside it is very sexy.

We can always redefine how we see ourselves, the world, a certain concept, or a word.  I can’t keep blaming the culture for how I feel about myself. I get to choose what magazines I read, which is only really Oprah lately.  I can watch TV or movies that make me feel good, that add to my life in a positive way.  I am not a slave to trends but I love fashion.  I make my choices to create a happy life for myself and great self-esteem.  We are not our bodies, we are spiritual beings occupying them for a certain amount of time.  But we don’t have to vilify the physical in order to be more spiritual.  Old concepts can always be questioned so we can discover our own truth.

We have been giving mixed messages especially to girls.  Be confident, but not too confident.  Feel good about yourself, but not too confident. You can be sexy, but not too sexy.  Do we really know that invisible line to cross?  Does anyone know where anyone else’s line should be?  Everyone can decide for themselves.  It’s all intention anyway.  A female who feels good about herself, is confident, and feels sexy is a healthy women.  Let her decide how that will be for her.  No more trashing or judging sexy women.  And no more trashing or judging women who we don’t think are attractive or sexy enough.  When we realize there is no competition with other women we can empower ourselves to live our best lives on our own terms.  Let’s cheer each other on.  That’s my vision for the future.  We can all shine in our own way.  Rock on, Ladies!

Originally posted on:  http://www.2baware.net/growth/sexy-is-not-a-bad-word/

.Deliciously you.

You are not confined nor defined by others opinions of you. Yes, we may care about what our loved ones, friends and colleagues think of us…we just can’t be attached to it. First of all, we are only guessing what they actually think. We are not in their heads. Everyone has a certain way they see the world. You can’t expect to change their opinion. From their perspective, their lens, their life so far, you are _______. Does that really have to do with you? Nope. If someone is from a different generation or culture, they are seeing you through that lens. They may have a reaction to you, like you triggered something with them, you pushed their button unintentionally. How dare you be so bold? How dare you feel so free? Mmm…they may not be allowing themselves to live fully. This has nothing to do with you. You still gotta do your thing, dance your dance, shine you light.

Question is…do you feel that you have to act different in front of specific people? Obviously at work you would not be telling your boss something you would tell your best friend. But are you allowing people to see the true you? Don’t tame your spirit for the sake of others. We are meant to feel free to express, create, be, and grow every day in some way. Living by someone else’s set of rules for themselves gets you nowhere. It doesn’t bring you closer to you. You can observe others, which can give you clarity on what YOU think and feel. It can shed light on your own truth. Ultimately, you will carve out your own path, one that no one has ever walked. We all do.

Just be you. Be your delicious self. Your flavor is unique to you, which some may not like. But when you are truly you, authentically being you, you will surely inspire someone else to live their full vibrant self. You teach that there is a new way. You can live your own life and make up your own rules (or none at all). If this scares people, they don’t understand, they think you’re crazy, just bless them and put the focus back onto you. You have your own answers. You know what’s right for you. Trust yourself. And let the peanut gallery do their own thing.

My perspective is: What you think of me is none of my beeswax. You can think, until your face turns pink. I’ll keep on being me, as I am free to be.

Originally posted on 2baware.net where I am a contributor. :)

Happy Anniversary, Babe,

(To my hubby, Brian)
We made it another year.  YAY! 

Sixteen years ago, we were barely adults getting married.  I was nineteen and pregnant with our first child.  You were only twenty-one and would have to be the breadwinner for our family.  We had no idea how hard it would be, how many struggles we would have.  We had no idea how meaningful and deep our love would grow to be.  Underneath it all, our love would be our foundation.  Through the ups and downs of our life together, it has been a roller coaster at times.  And every day, through it all we keep choosing each other and it just gets better and better.

When we met there was something so familiar about you.  I didn't have to try to be anything but me.  And all through the years you've thought I was smart, funny, and sexy no matter what.  You never tried to change me.  I tried to change you many times through the years, until I realized I like you just the way you are.  At times I thought you should complete me, but really I had to complete myself to truly love anyone else.  I'm complicated, when you are simple.  I feel everything, full of emotion, when you are calm.  I'm wild and loud, when you are quiet and strong.  You appreciate that I live and love with all of the passion in my heart.  You know me better than anyone else and unconditionally love me.  I appreciate you more than you'll ever know.  You've helped me learn to love myself. 

Our fights, which are few and far between, made us laugh at how silly they were.  Our tough times, where we struggled financially, we were blessed to have our families to help us.  Our parents have been great examples on how important family is.  We learned that money can't buy happiness when you don't have much.  You have to make your own happiness.  And the health of our four children is wealth beyond measure.  Some days have meant more than our wedding or an anniversary.  The days we found out we were having another child, the days they were born, the days we've laughed the hardest, the days where we shared our hopes, dreams, and what was in our hearts.  I cherish those days and all the memories we've made together.  We continue to grow more connected.  I am so proud of the man you've become.  You are an amazing husband, father, and person.  You mean the world to me.

Thank you for walking hand in hand with me in this lifetime as I know we have in others.  I really love sharing the journey with you.   You're "the one."   You're the love of my life and my best friend.  I love you truly-madly-deeply-completely. 

In 2013, you can get more lean or just be a Queen.

We're heading into the holiday hoopla-happiness-haze that lasts until the kids go back to school in the Perry household.  I am looking towards 2013 with some new goals.  I wanted to take a moment to encourage you all to look at resolutions for yourself...with joy, not self-doubt and dread.  Focusing on what you want is always good.  Even if you're not even close to where you want to be with your goal, I believe in you.  I believe it is possible.  I'm going to share what mine was last year.

January 1st of 2012, I started the day with a polar plunge into the frigid Atlantic Ocean in a bikini.  I wanted to look rockin' in a bikini for the summer and started to envision that happening.  I got myself mentally geared up, but didn't really commit until February 28th.  That is when I was ready.  And I achieved my goal.  It really wasn't about a number, it was about a feeling.  I wanted to really be comfortable with my body.  I wanted to get lean, but I really wanted to feel like a Queen.  When you want to lose weight, it can help you to see the pounds dropping on that scale.  But it doesn't happen overnight, so weighing yourself no more than once a week is beneficial.   You almost have to ignore what is, your current you, and just look forward.  KNOWING that each meal, each workout, each day is creating this new you.  It will pay off.  You know this.  It's science.  After having four kids, I know how to lose weight and have been up and down.  This time, I knew feeling good is an inside job.  I looked at what I ate and how I exercised as just choices.  Not good or bad, just choices.  If I made them good or bad, I'd make me good or bad.  I really made my goal about being strong.  Try that one on for size, instead of saying:  "Ugh, I'm so fat.  I NEED to lose weight, but I hate to exercise....blah, blah, blah."  Say:  "I'm getting in shape this year.  I am going to be so strong.  I can't wait to see what I can do.  There are great meals I can come up with.  I'll make it an adventure to see what exercise I like."  See how much the energy changes.  YOU CAN CHANGE.  If you want to change something, you can.  Enjoy your journey whatever it is.

Now losing weight may not be your goal and it doesn't matter what it is.  Love yourself first.  Always feel like a Queen...or King.  But if you absolutely hate everything right now and force yourself to make changes, you're looking at circumstances which ultimately are not what make you happy.  You do.  And really examine what your goals are and why you want them.  They have to be for you.  Listen to your heart whispers.   What are they telling you?  Have you always wanted to do something?  Do you know something needs to change?  Does the Universe keep giving you signs?  Not reaching outside of your comfort zone keeps you comfortable, which is not living up to your full potential.  Some moments along your journey shake you up, bring up doubt, making you question yourself.  This is good.  Then you see what you are made of.  Don't let stress or being uncomfortable stop you from your goal.  They're just growing pains.  Even this week, I was dealing with stress and self-doubt crept its ugly head up and I had to decide what to do.  I felt extremely uncomfortable and trusted that it would be okay.  It will be okay.  I choose me.  And I want you to choose you.  I am cheering you on and know that 2013 is YOUR year!  Maybe this is your sign from the Universe.  If it touches your heart, it is.  I believe in you.  Before the clock strikes midnight, commit to writing down goals for 2013.  Let your imagination go wild with possibility for what your life could look like.  What do you want to feel in 2013?  Dream big!  Next will come the steps to get there, but first declare what you want to the Universe.  GO________(insert your name), GO!  Got my sparkly pom-poms and I am rooting for you, Kings & Queens!!!  Woohoo!!!

Ya never know...

I have a blog, a Facebook page, and am starting this business as Peace Love Joy & Sparkles.  But ya never know...I could be a complete asshole in real life.  I'm not.  I promise...most of the time.  LOL!  I'm just kidding.  My message is about loving yourself and being about love, coming from the highest of intentions, and living from your higher self.  This does not mean that I don't make mistakes, I'm never striving for perfection...I'm striving to be me.  Living my truth means that I am authentic.  I live with an open heart.  I'm honest about my struggles.  Most importantly, I'm honest with myself.    So I'm writing this blog, not so anyone thinks I'm anything, or to toot my own horn.  Although I do loving tootin' my own horn and love hearing other tootin' theirs.  I felt inspired to write this.  I'm sharing my feelings so that maybe someone will learn something or I'll make them think.

Someone had said some mean stuff about me.  It caught me off guard and I was wondering why I was experiencing this drama.  But on some level, I didn't even feel like what they said was even about me. I mean we all live life through our own filter, our perspective, and sometimes our wounds.  I made a choice to not be angry.  It was kind of surreal.  I wished them well.  I really meant it.  I knew in my heart that there is not room for grudges, resentments, guilt, regret, or any of that.  I like to keep more room for love.  So I moved on.  I forgave.  I chose me.  I chose love.  I chose God-Source-Universe.

Eventually, I ran into them.  A rush of fear-if you'd call it that, came over me.  See, I don't do enemies.  I don't do hard feelings against other people.  I don't like feeling uncomfortable or hardened towards anyone.  I try to live on the high road.  Or at least if I take the wrong exit, I get right back on quick.  What did I do in that panicked moment?  I went up and hugged them.  I said, "I don't have anything against you" or something like that.  It was a holy moment.  I am not weak by doing this.  I don't need anyone to think I was strong either.  I chose me again.  I chose God again.  This made me feel good.  Being mad at them punishes me, by letting toxic feelings keep brewing inside.  And ya never know...they could be going through struggles that I can't imagine.  Just like they may judge me for whatever...ya never know what's in someone's heart. 

I just ran into them again and felt that oh-this-is-awkward-I-feel-like-I'm-in-high-school-again.  I don't have to care what people think, but if people dislike you, it's a weird energy to be in.  I chose me and God again.  I went up to the person, who was with someone else that I know, and I talked to them like all the drama had never happen.  We both know it did, but I let it go.  You can be acquaintances, without being each others cup of tea.  Living like this makes me feel free.  And I send them love, 'cause that's how I roll.  I don't think that I'm better than anyone because I did this or feel this.  I live like this for me.  I choose to forgive myself and others, to live a fuller, more fulfilled, richer life.  And I am a teacher for my children especially.  I choose to look at my life as a spiritual journey, every single day and live it as such. 

So when you see a chick driving around with pink heart shaped sunglasses and a pink raincoat, blasting her music and singing along,  you may think...she looks superficial, like a flake, like a wild child.  Ya never know...she might be pretty deep too.  (This pink girl would be me with my Jennylicious style.)  Maybe I am a wild child, but I'm also praying and sending love to all the drivers on the road, the construction workers, the gentlemen who did my nails, his family, my family, my friends, my haters, mean people, everyone I know, and the whole entire Universe.  I send you all blessings right now.  And remember ya never know...look deeper, past the ego-drama-surface and see people on a soul level.  Let go of some judgement.  You may meet a stranger that's having a really bad day, but they come across as a jerk...ya never know.  Send them love, they may be acting out of pain.  Either way, it doesn't matter because when you rise above and come from love, you benefit.  And so does everyone else. 

Intention is everything!

I have often felt and been misunderstood in my life.  It can be frustrating, but it reminds you to look within and to ask what your intention is.  I know that looking back, I understand people now that I didn't understand before.  Life has a way of teaching you, so you can grow and bloom into a fuller you.  Looking back, I remember feeling very misunderstood when I became a vegetarian around twelve or thirteen.  Some people would get angry and defensive at my choice.  I never said everyone should be a vegetarian.  I just didn't like the taste, the texture, or the thought of it.  I know people thought I was weird.   Still do.  ;)  My Mom was so supportive and never once tried to make me eat meat ever again.  She's one who has not always understood my choices, but totally honored them and loved me.  I often have chosen the road less traveled, in my thinking, parenting, spirituality, etc.  The interesting thing about the people who I angered with my food choices is that my intention was to do what felt right for me.  I knew in my heart that my choice was right.  I think the perception was that I thought they were wrong.  I don't have to think "they" are wrong, but that it is "wrong" for me.  I may not understand them either, not even just their food preferences, but also their judgy behavior...which I don't have to!  YAY!   I chose to respect others.  That works for me.  Some may have thought I had the thinking that I was better than them because of being a vegetarian, which is so not true. I don't think I'm better than anyone.  I don't play that game. 

Self love is something I understand now that I did not in the past.  Years ago, if I saw someone really confident, flaunting how beautiful they are, I may feel threatened and jealous.  If I personally knew them, I hope I wouldn't be, but my own insecurity probably would have compared myself to them and had to make them "wrong" to feel better.  I would have labeled them as narcissistic.  Which is BS because I don't know their intention.  Maybe they just like the way they look and they are proud of themselves.  It DOES NOT make them narcissistic.  That's a funny word to me because it means self-love but to excess, that you lack empathy for others, and you think you are more important than others.  Well, how the hell would I know what others think anyway?  If someone loves themselves from the place of ego, it's not love.  If they LOVE themselves from their true self, they radiate something special.  You are attracted to them.  Confidence really is sexy.  I love being secure within myself that I applaud others, cheering them one.  When someone feels good about themselves, I literally could cry tears of joy, because it's such a beautiful thing.  And I know if they truly love themselves, they have so much love for others. I know people may not understand my self-love journey and why I am the way I am. I'm okay with that. I still love me and I'm gonna shout it from the rooftops to inspire others. And I'll still cheer the haters on.  They may think...who do I think I am?  I'm  me.  (Another inspiration from Oprah-who I feel is a friend even though we never met.)

So the lesson I learned is people don't have to "get" you.  Some will NEVER understand you. When they question, challenge, or judge you...look within.  Focus on your intention.  My intention in any conflict with anyone is for peace and to come from love.  This is a challenge, but I'll keep at it.  Understanding yourself is the most wonderful feeling ever.  That's what really matters.  You know who you are.  And some will never really know you.  So stop trying to get them to like, get, understand, approve, know, love, or accept you.  Their lens, perspective, understanding and life is just different than yours.  Don't take it personally.  Just LOVE YOU.  Send them love on a spiritual level.  And keep doin' your thing!  Blessings! 

Relationships are what you make 'em!

If you want any relationship to improve, improve the way you think about it, talk about it, and look at it. Stop focusing on what they don't do, what they do wrong, what they need to change in order to make you happy. Obviously, if they are abusive, kick 'em to the curb. I'm talkin' about with our partners, friends, kids, parents, siblings, whoever. If you internally focus on YOUR OWN HAPPINESS, I promise you that those little things that annoy you seem to fade away. Not to sound morbid, but when I started thinking about how different it would be if I knew that either one of us was dying...BOY, do you appreciate and honor that person more. YOU have the power to improve your relationships. 

 

 With your partner especially, cause why not have the best relationship you can, in every way, on every level. If you want them to be more romantic or appreciative of you, be more romantic and appreciative of them. Love them the way they want to be loved. If you withhold love, you punish yourself. If you feel shy about telling them how much you love them, write them a note, give them a card, text them. Do this without any expectation. Do not judge how they react. Some people just can't say all those mushy things but show their love in other ways. You CAN reinvent a relationship. Put the spice back in it. Fall in love with them again. Recommit to one another. Ask them what they'd like to improve and listen with an open heart. If you want to deeply connected to them, let them see you love them unconditionally, and be their safe place to come home to, where they can be themselves. And for your own good: Let go of the "you never, you always, what can't you, you're not" and all that past stuff you say to them when you're hurt. If you want to look forward to a beautiful future together, let go of the past. And never be afraid to say I'm sorry or I love you. Happy relationships to all.

Realtionships ROCK!

All of our relationships teach us about ourselves.  Our romantic partners, children, parents, siblings, friends, coworkers, and our adversaries all bring up and point out our "stuff."  Our closest relationships have the potential to really help us grow and become more of who were truly are.  Sounds like woo woo to you, that's fine.  If everyone in your life pisses you off, pushes your buttons, makes you angry, and you want to feel better...then suspend your old way of thinking for a minute.  You see, these triggers are a gift.  They don't feel like it, but they can be.  These are  opportunities to look within and ask yourself lots of questions:

~Why do I get so ANGRY when people don't agree, validate, or make me happy by what they are doing?  (Often with our children, coworkers, partners, etc...whatever situations make you really mad.)  It's a chance to let go of the need to control others and find peace within ourselves, no matter what someone else is doing. 

~When my feelings get HURT from someone not including me, insulting me, or my partner/friend/parent/whoever not giving me enough attention...what is this bringing up for me to heal?  (Whatever triggers make you feel wounded is the key here.)  Your past feelings from when you were picked last in gym class come up at times like this. 

~Whenever you go into the dynamic of blame and victim, stop for a second.  Listen to what you are saying and thinking.  "They always do this.  Everyone does this to me.  Whatever I do is never enough for you.  You make me so mad.  All you ever do is take, take, take.  You're so mean to me.  You never do it right."  Sometimes we have a habit of saying the same things often to people or thinking them.  This is a great time to journal or take a piece of paper out to find out what else is going on.  You can:  A.  Write down what you want to feel.  What you want, instead of what's going on.  B. Write down all the times you can think of where you felt this way.  It helps heal, when you deal.  C.  Write down how you could possibly say, do, or think of the situation or person differently.   

Avoiding people and situations can work for a little while, but eventually you'll encounter people...unless you hide away in a hut somewhere, which I certainly did not come here for.  I came here to learn, grow, enjoy, teach, and so many other things.  What works for me is to be honest with myself.  I don't have to necessarily tell they other person they upset me.  It can create unnecessary drama.  There intention may be good, but you have a negative reaction because it's about YOU.  Isn't that awesome!  Everyone doesn't have to change in order for you to be happy!  This is where my four children give me countless times a day to do my internal work so I can experience more joy.  As always, do what works for you.  Setting intentions, forgiving, letting go, blessing others, Law of Attraction, self-growth, sending love & light, healing energy, new agey-woo woo stuff continues to change my life.  So I'm gonna keep on keepin' on!  And remember...No one can "make" you feel bad or mad.  What they do or say has no power over you.   You are way more powerful that that.  You have a choice always.  Blessings!

The perfect mom is off the the hook.

Yeah, there are blogs every day about letting Moms off the hook for being "perfect." Or about women in general, having to be superwoman.  The demands to be sexy, smart, organized, creative, peaceful and assertive and all these conflicting, muddy messages.  Well, I'm going to weigh in here.  I am letting you ALL off the hook...AGAIN.  This is written to me also, cause who doesn't need the reminder.

I don't read parenting magazines.  I think there are many different ways to parent that are all going to yield some wonderful adults.  In theory, this sounds good, right?  Until you talk to other parents and find out what they are doing.  For me, it goes like this:  School is about to start.  And dance.  And soccer.  Oh yes...and then there is that career I'm launching.  I am staying in shape too.  I guess my 2 1/2 year old will have to take up weight lifting too.  All four kids will have to eat dinner every night.  In my mind, the thoughts start rolling, like a freight train. I need to get more organized.  Successful people are organized...but then I am going to have to be vigilant every day about the kids not cluttering up/messing up/making things unorganized.  I have to be the room mom for my son in kindergarten, because I was for the older two kids.  And if other Moms volunteer in his classroom, once a week, I will to.  Because I don't want him to think I don't love/care/want to be involved.  I should take my two year old to the playground, so he can make friends, and I think they have a toddler music class too.  *Do you hear this bullshit?*  I take it all off the table and start again.  The question is:  What works for me?  What will work best for my family?  Ask yourself.  It is your choice, you can add them all back onto the table.  But it feels different when it is a choice, not an obligation or a "should."

I think it is wonderful when Moms can be everything to everyone.  I am not one of them, nor do I care to be.  I have to be true to me.  I can be more present with my kids if I am not stressed.  That's how I roll.  I am teaching my kids, through my example, on how to be a person.  And being off balance, trying to be "superwoman" is just not my thing.  That is the FABULOUS thing.  We, as Moms, get to define how we do it.  My mom was a working mom and I admire the ROCKSTAR that she still is.  She is smart, ambitious, and is the most amazing lady I ever met.  She reminds me all the time to let myself off the hook.  She didn't go to class parties, but I knew she loved me.  Whether you are a stay-at-home-mom, work full-time, part-time, it doesn't matter.  You set boundaries, because no one else will set them for you.  Do something for yourself every day, whether it is a taking a walk, dancing, treating yourself, but fill up your self-love tank.  Your kids don't realize you're a person, they just think you're a Mom, who feeds them, drives them around, and is at their service 24-7.  If that works for you, great, if not....YOU ARE OFF THE HOOK.  Let go of the "perfect/good/nice" mom thing.  I, for one, am perfect for me.  :)

And YAY for choices!!!  A happy Mom is what kids want most.  My advice:  Love them lots and be silly with them.  Blessings to all!  And Dads, men, people in general, I hereby decree:  YOU ARE OFF THE HOOK ALSO.  Take a deep breath.  You can be yourself now.  And don't forget to enjoy life!!!  Lovies, Jennylicious!!!

YOU DAY!

Hello Beautyilicious!  Take the day off!  If you can't today, do it real soon.  It's essential to nurture your spirit, by taking care of your body and mind.  I am here by, giving you permission to stay in bed all day if you want.  You can watch movies and eat ice cream.  You can go by what your body tells you it wants.  Sometimes it needs to rest and relax.  For some, it needs to skydive, it's whatever you like.  Many people say, oh...but I have so much to do.  But I will tell you, the "stuff" can wait a day.  When you keep running around, minds never stopping, you can get worn out.  You body gets sick and needs to heal.  But you can hit the refresh button, just like on your computer.  Recharge yourself, by doing what you like.  Live on purpose and that could means going shopping, if that is what you have been wanting to do.  Let yourself have a vacation day, once a month.  You will thank yourself for it. 

Tips:
Think only what you want to think about.  Or don't think at all.
Do things that feel good.  Treat yourself like you really are on vacation.
Stress, worry, regret, fear, doubt, and guilt are not allowed to come on vacay with you.
Laugh, play, dance, lounge, swim, eat, drink, stretch, and whatever your body likes. 

Your kids can eat peanut butter and jelly or cereal.  Having a happy parent means more to their health, than what's for dinner one night a month.  Or order take-out if you can. Cook if you enjoy it.  This is about a state of mind.  So even if you can't afford to go on vacation, make yourself have the feeling.  Dust will wait for you.  Laundry is very patient.  Yard work is going to be there tomorrow.  It's your life, you make the rules.  You get to define how you like to live and what you want to do.  By making yourself top priority, you show others, including your kids, how to be happy themselves.  Show other the way to be happy, by being happy.

And I did follow my own advice and did this last Thursday.  I sat on my sun porch, with a saucy novel, and read for hours.  In the afternoon, I even made a fruity cocktail, which is named Liquid Sunshine. Psst...I invented it and it's just Pino Grigio with chopped pineapple, but it's delicious!  I did do some laundry, but didn't fold it.  You see, sheets that were peed on by little kids cannot wait, but I still had my vacay state of mind.  We ordered pizza for dinner and watched a funny movie.  The Thursday before, we went to the beach from 1pm to 7pm and we had pizza on the beach for dinner.  This is how you make a fabulous life for yourself.  You think it up and then create it.

Knowing that how I feel is the most important thing, I take care of myself everyday.  When you are aware of your energy and how your vibe is, you have so much more to give.  Although, you have to balance that.  There is no..."Oh, I'm so sorry I can't help that day" (or do that thing for you).  I don't say "I feel so bad..." when I can't do things anymore.  You can't be everything to everybody.  Especially to be successful and happy, you have to know what to say no to, and what to say yes to.  You can tell by the feeling inside, it gives you.  You have your answers within.  You really are a ROCKSTAR!  And Rockstars deserve vacations.  And another secret is:  You can live in the vacation state of mind all the time.  Just by treating yourself with kindness, following your bliss, doing things that make you feel good, and focusing on the positive...is like being on vacation.  That sense of freedom is always where, should you choose to accept the mission.  Your mission is:  TO LOVE YOURSELF UNABASHEDLY.  Now....GO!  Over and out, Roger! 

LOL!  Can you tell I have have little kids.  ;)

Feisty Soul report from the Mommy-hood!

I love being a Mom.  I used to really suck at it.  Well, actually I use to think I sucked at it.  I thought I was the worst mother in the world sometimes.  In reality, I became a Mom at twenty and did the best I could with who I was then.  I don't live in the past.  Nowadays, I don't judge myself.  If I do feel that I could have done something differently, I think...Okie Dokie, and move on.  I actually think Motherhood is fascinating.  In some cultures, it is so intuitive, instinctual, they are just doing their thing, without any of the parenting books, magazines, or experts.  For many, whether you work full time, part time, or are a stay-at-home-mom, this job is like they say, the hardest.  When you make a parenting mistake you can feel like you screwed them up for life.  Yes, if you screw up at work, you can get fired, but the feeling like you really screwed up with your child makes you feel like a complete failure.  The reason I wanted to write this is to share some things I have learned.  I am the zany mother of an almost fifteen year old daughter, and three sons, eleven, five, and two. 

First of all, I have learned to stop asking everyone their opinion on things related to my kids, parenting, and decisions.  This used to make me feel so confused.  I gave all my power away.  The people pleaser in me could never win.  But really, there is no real right, idea, perfect way to do it.  If your kid sleeps in your bed until they are five, sucks their thumb until they were eleven (okay this was me), uses cloth diapers, eats the right serving of vegetables, go to a certain preschool, does flash cards, blah...blah...blah.  Your kids are not going to remember most of this, but how you made them feel.  What you were like as a parent and person is what they will be telling their grandkids.  Best advice, love them.  Play with them, but in your own way.  If you do not like playing transformers with them, watch a movie with them, bake with them, dance with them.  Just let them see you enjoy life.  Let them see your JOY.  Let them know you.

If you clean up the toys, they will get them out again.  If you wash the windows, they will lick the glass.  If you vacuum, they will dump their snack on the carpet.  If you are in a rush, someone will crap their pants.  These kinds of shenanigans happen with my youngest two, who often have meltdowns simultaneously and often when I get a phone call.  This teaches me detachment.  To not be so attached to the way things have to look or be.  It's nothing personal, they don't even do it on purpose.  Don't expect them to be perfect.  You don't want robots, that would be boring.  It's the same with older kids, only different issues.  Making mistakes helps them learn and decide what works for them.  Let them grow.  Everyday they are changing, so you have to go with the flow.  They don't want to hang out with you anymore and think what you say is all wrong.  It's a normal part of development and it's nothing personal.  Let them have some space to breath.  No helicopter parenting here anymore.  They are wiser than grown-ups give them credit for. 

Your kids are going to get mad at you, give you an attitude, think you are unfair, and all that fun stuff sometimes.  Life goes on.  Life can be messy and beautiful at the same time.  You are teaching your children that relationships are about both sides.  The parent isn't always right and it does not make you look weak in showing them this.  The old way of parenting doesn't work anymore.  Laying down the law, never adjusting the rules, and having them fear you is a bunch of baloney.  Cultivate your own style of parenting that will have it's ebb and flow.  What worked yesterday may not work today.  When they are little they can get over things quick, especially if given a lollipop.  With my older kids, I have a habit of trying to make up with them before they are ready, wanting them to talk about their feelings, and wanting peaceful energy again.  But they are entitled to their feelings, as well as I am entitled to mine.  They can't make me mad, sad, happy, or anything.  That is my choice.  They are doing, saying, being, and I can react or I can BE, as in be energy.  I can the Be Energy of whatever. I can be the energy of peace, love, & joy when I choose to.  I can take a deep breath and go to the happy place, even if it seems like there is a carnival-zoo-frat party going on around me.  You cannot please everyone and that would not be good for them anyway.  Sometimes the best things happen, when plans change. 

The idea of being a good parent has good intentions.  What I think is the more important thing than trying to impossibly be a perfect parent, is to show them how to be a happy, healthy person.  I have missed appointments, shown up to dress rehearsal with my daughter a week too early (she was five and she still won't let me forget it), sent my son to pajama day a day early (that was this year), and many other human moments.  I am perfectly me.  Back when I was a young Mom, I would beat myself for days over mistakes, replaying it in my head, feeling embarrassed, and worried about what other people would think.  Thank God those days are over.  I had a lady come up to me on the beach last weekend and tell me what a good Mom I was.  She was observing how I dealt with a situation. It was really nice to hear.  But I still have my freak out moments, but they are rare now.  I use to yell all the time, because I wasn't happy inside.  I worked on me.  I did the internal work on myself.  I can proudly-boldly-unabashedly say...I love myself, which allows me to let my kids be themselves and I can love them unconditionally. 

Message that I want all the Moms to hear is to focus on yourself and your energy.  Fill up your own love tank.  Be FULL of yourself, full of life.  Fill up your own cup first and it will be so full that the love spills out into every area of your life and everyone.  Really love yourself and you will be teaching the most valuable lesson in the world, to love themselves.  When you love yourself, you are happy, you are kind, you thrive.  You can teach self-esteem, but they will do what you do, not what you say. What I strive everyday to instill in my kids, by just being me, is to be yourself.  Love yourself.  Don't worry about what anyone else thinks.  Not everyone is going to get you.  Have lots of fun.  Do your best, but more importantly be kind to yourself when you make mistakes.  Follow your intuition, your inner voice.  You can have bliss, joy, peace, and all the good feelings by living in the moment.  Appreciate nature.  Forgive people and move on.  You are always connected to God/Universe/Source.  You have guides and angels always loving and supporting you.  You are responsible for your own energy.  You can raise your vibes when you want.  Life is good and it keeps getting better.  I often say, "I love life.  I love my life."  Be in a thankful place and you will receive so much more.  Carve your own unique path.  Live your own life.  Do what makes you happy.  You do your own thing, let others do theirs, and respect everyone.  I look at my kids as beings that I get to help and guide.  They are not property, they are just little people.  I love that they teach me as much as I teach them.  I let them see me grow, learn, and bloom everyday.  Deep breath again, you are doing an amazing job.  Relax.

Self-licious

♥ Jennylicious word of the day is...SELF-LICIOUS!

Jennylicious word of the day: SELF-LICIOUS

1. Loving yourself completely, with such a full love tank, that you love others & the whole world. (Source: Jenny G. Perry)

~I came up with this while driving my five year old to preschool. I will be including this in my book. On my drive, I was sending out Love & Light, blessing all along my path. That's how I roll. ;) It's what self-licious is all about. Knowing you are so delicious and seeing it in others, even if they are mean, you find it on a soul level. We are all connected on a soul level. As I type this, my two year old climbed on my lap for snuggles. I can shower him even more with love, because I truly love myself.

I read about lots of clearing right now heightened in May, even in astrological terms too. I love to release what no longer serves me, embracing new possibilities. Instead of judging what comes up for me, I see the tremendous power in being aware of your thoughts and feelings. Yesterday, I had feelings surge up about feeling invisible. I allowed them to come up, I got the juice out of it, and I let go. You see, I often felt invisible in my life, with certain friends, family, and people. Everyone else is my mirror so I know this was me, not seeing my value and brilliance. I did not appreciate myself. With staying small and invisible, no one expects anything out of you, or judges you, and you can't disappoint them or yourself. As more people would "see" me, they would want things from me and I would have a hard time saying no, and balancing myself and many things. If I received too much attention, I was not willing to receive all that energy. It all boils down to self-worth, in my core, and feeling invisible is an illusion that I can shift and release. That, my friends, is freeing. Having power to step out of any victim mode changes our reality. I know a helluva lot more than I have given myself credit for. So here we go..."Hi World, it's me. I am here and I am fabulous. I know who I am. I am worthy of all the good. It's time for me to shine. I'm ready. Much LOVE to ALL!"

WOW! Declarations, as well as affirmations, are so empowering. Happy Shifts to you, Beautiful Beings! We are all perfect, we are all growing, and with each "A-Ha" moment, we get to more of who we are. We are our true selves, without what no longer serves us. May you all have a self-licious day! Love yourself, believe in yourself, you are a gem! I am cheering you on! :D

Love-yourself-badass!

I was that little kid, arms wide open that wanted to hug everyone. I just wanted to love the world.  I had a big open heart and wanted everyone to be happy.  I realizes just recently that I learned to love others, before I learned to love myself.  Not being aware of this, meant that I looked towards others to fill me up.  We all have that love tank inside.  When it's full, you can love others fully.  When it's really low, you are in love starvation mode.  And it doesn't matter how much others love you, it's never enough.  Your relationships are jaded.  You feel better when people need you, only when you are the one giving, or when you play yourself down to make others feel better.  It's co-dependent and dishonoring to all included. 

So I would look for other's approval, which felt good for a while.  But that feeling can never last.  Eventually, someone disapproves of you.  When we lack self-love, we look for approval, validation, acceptance, to fit in, for others to like us, so we can feel good.  This is like living in a prison.  All of the factors, have to do with others and not yourself.  When you come from this place, when people ridicule, reject, tease, or don't understand you, it feels like your spirit is crushed.  So people tell you, "You need to be tough.  You're too sensitive.  Don't care what anyone thinks, they're idiots."  That doesn't feel right to you.  So you search for your own answers.

Even as an adult, I would feel like I was flying high and people would just love to take the wind out of my sails and knock me down.  It's nothing personal really, it's an energy thing, they do subconsciously sometimes.  When I stepped outside of my comfort zone, putting self-love first, everything really changed.  Everyone does not have to understand you.  Some live in a life, totally out of obligation, calling others selfish for always putting others first.  Well, I lived from a place of not loving myself and it sucked so bad, that I would rather have others not "get" me and call me whatever, than feel that bad ever again.  I only know my experience, in learning to love others first.  It is not healthy.  Even as a teen when I was hospitalized for bulimia, I was trying to help other patients, ignoring my own healing process.  I was always hiding from my pain.  Until just a few years ago, I didn't love myself and tried everything to either hide from that, make myself good enough in some way, or thought that if circumstances changed that I would feel better.  Learning to love and believe in yourself, is not about your accomplishments, looking a certain way, or being a "good" person.  You can't conditionally love yourself, you have to decide to love yourself, no matter what you have or haven't done.  Regardless of your past, your so-called "issues" or whatever mistakes you made on your journey. It is on a soul level, connecting to that part of yourself and realizing it is our natural state.  That if everyone truly loved themselves, there would be no war, or anything of the negative stuff.  On a soul level, we are all connected, meaning that to love another is to love yourself, and to love yourself is to love another.  Also, really loving yourself makes your relationships authentic and fulfilling for all.  There is no competition with your friends or anyone else.  Everyone can shine.  

Loving myself means that I let myself be free.  Free to be me.  It took my life experiences to see this.  I remember twelve years ago, a yoga teacher told me that I was going to be amazing, when I really believed what I said.  I get that now.  I am aligned with my soul's joyful nature, where as I was not back then.  Another moment that spoke to my soul, was in eighth grade.  I was standing outside of metal's shop, which that quarter, unfortunately, was mechanical drawing.  I was bored, so I was chit-chatting in class.  I got in trouble and sent to the hallway.  I was mortified, because I was not one to get in trouble.  An administrator was walking by and asked what I was doing out there.  She was knew me to be a smiling, good kid.  I told her what happened.  She said, "One day, that's going to get you somewhere in life."  It made my day.  I never forgot it.  Now, I realize using my voice, be it literally, or in writing, is what I am meant to do.  I want to empower, uplift, and inspire with my voice. 

I was watching Diane Keaton on the Ellen show the other day, which I adore them both.  Diane is one of my faves, also her style totally rocks.  She was making fun of herself and saying she hated her body.  It made me sad.  I thought, what would it be like for someone to get on there and say, "I love my body.  I love myself, all of me."  Loving yourself, may not be popular, but I'm doing it.  I like being a love-yourself-badass!  When you love yourself, you give others permission to do the same.  And I did not come to Earth, to say the "right" things for everyone.  I came to speak my Truth, which some will resonate with, some may not.  But I fought hard to get here, to this place within myself and will reach my hand down to pull others up whenever I can.   Why what until you get sick or are on your deathbed, to realize how wonderful you are.  Let yourself be the butterfly, soaring high.  Live with an open heart and open mind.  Your spirit will bloom in the process. 

P.S.  You never have to explain why you love yourself, or why its okay to love yourself.  If people don't get it, it's not your problem.  Just send them love. 

Let your haters, be your motivators!

I share these negative comments from two of my Jennylicious youtube videos, because I found some great lessons from them.  On my video, "Shake your biscuit,"  This person commented:  I feel bad for ur children... Having a mom who doesn't kno how to act like an adult, grow up please!

And on my video,"I'm so pretty,"  she commented:  I'm a girl, and even think ugly girls shouldn't make videos like this. Just saying.... Freedom of speech.

Interesting, huh?  When I first checked my email and saw this, I cringed...a mean comment doesn't feel good.  Oh, but it does, after you see that it is not about you, it's about them.   One of the greatest lessons is to not take things personally, which is definitely a lot easier when it is a stranger.

First of all, I could delete it.  But I won't.  I am not embarrassed.  I know who I am.  I responded to her in a kind manner.   Her opinion is through her lens she views the world with.  Anyone who knows me, knows that I am a really great Mom, and HELL YEAH, I am silly.  I am never growing up and I don't care what anyone thinks of that.  Being kid-like and also being a responsible parent is what I am.  As for the second video, I guess she is saying I am ugly.  Which is fine. I know I am beautiful and that is all that matters.  She doesn't have a picture up, but I hope she feels beautiful and that she loves herself.  When you truly love yourself, you don't need to comment mean things, to hurt other people.  You wish everyone the best.  

Plus, I did not come here to be liked, I came here to be ME.  It's easy to retreat when someone doesn't like your video, your book, your painting, your photography, your music, or whatever.  It makes you reexamine why you are doing it.  It you are making it so that EVERYONE likes it, it's going to be watered down and not authentic.  So why do I put myself out there, with my videos, to be judged by all the world to see?  I make videos because they are fun, they uplift, inspire, amuse, & spread good vibes.  I could always disable the comments section.  But why?  Other people may want to tell me that I made them laugh, giggle, feel lighter.  That they decided to step outside their box and buy that leopard dress, because they were inspired by my zany spirit.  

And no worries all you beautiful peeps, I will not be deterred by negative Nancies.  I am still going to make videos, write books, and shine my awesomeness for all the world to see.  I have a wonderful group of cheerleaders and I feel blessed to have them.  I am cheering on each and every one of you who are reading this on.  I believe in you.  I believe in me.  What energy you put out there, comes back you you.  And to my naysayers,  Namaste, Blessings, & all the yummy delicious to you.  

P.S.  My kids thought it was funny!  I am so blessed to have them.  My ten year old wanted to comment back a mean comment in my defense, but I said that would not make me look like a very good mommy.  ;p  MUAH!  xoxo

Silly Pickle Dilly

This morning, I was getting stuff ready to make breakfast for my lil' guys.  I was talking to my hubby, who has been working CRAZY hours, so I feel like I haven't seen him in a week.  The fridge was open and my youngest, two year old Seamus, loves to grab anything he can, especially things on the shelves of the fridge door.  He twisted pickle jar lid off, spilling pickle juice everywhere.  I was so annoyed, all this frustration came out of nowhere and I started saying all this silly victim crap.  Stay at home mom, BS thinking, I was really good at, years ago.  Interesting reaction.  Kind of like, yelling over spilled pickle juice, is the new crying over spilled milk.  I let myself feel overwhelmed with trying to do EVERYTHING.  My mind was racing.  It's not even about getting everything done even, it's prioritizing what is important.  Everyday I have to feed the kids, do laundry, dishes, pick up from activities, etc. I don't have to clean up the toys clean every night, but I do because I like that way.  Not that I am neat freak,  I have no time to be a neat freak.  I try to fit in exercise at some point, most days.  I meditate when my youngest two are sleeping, except last night, I was too burnt out.  But I did get some writing done yesterday.  It is always my goal to exercise, write, and mediate, so days like that I love.  Because I follow the Law of Attraction and like to feel good, after two minutes, and I was clear and back to feeling grateful he has a job. 

I changed my focus, and thought about all of things, in this past week that I really appreciated.  Every time Seamus yelled out to Finnegan, pronouncing it as, "Cinnamon."  It never gets old.  And he says, "I lud de too," for I love you too.  The time I was in the car with my Mom, and she she thought the song, "G6," they were saying, "Like a cheesesteak, high like a cheesesteak."  Cheese stick sounds more like it though.  And how Seamus pronounces her name, Gibby, as Buddy.  The other day, Finnegan, who is five told me that Seamus's breath was chaotic.  He proceeded to tell me lots of things were chaotic that day, even a giraffe, that he once saw at the zoo.  I asked if he knew what it meant and he said no.  That I have two new TV shows that I love.  I love to watch TV, or read a book, at night after the kids are asleep.  It's my "me" time.  On Long Island Medium, the lady is adorable, and she's the real deal.  And the show, Smash, where the cast is amazing talented.  The one guy, who plays the director, is such a hottie too.  As I really thought about how much I love in life, I looked out the window to abundant sunshine, and saw a vibrant blue sky.  That is my natural state, happy.

Hours later, I was feeling that a friend of mine didn't think I was important.  Which really had nothing to do with her.  My feelings got hurt and I looked at the energy of it.  I did not want to be upset, peace is what I like to feel, with everyone.  WOW, lots of my fiery tiger feelings was coming up.  I knew there was a juicy piece for me to learn.  So I thought about all the friends that are important to me, even if I don't call them.  I haven't returned one of my best friend's phone calls from the other day, not because she is not important, but I am busy.  I released the feelings and underneath, I felt my truth.  How am I not making myself important?  Where am I not making myself important?  How am I not making what I say, do, or write important?  Times when I felt invisible came up.  Do I not value myself?  Hmm....I got the message from a energy worker that I needed to do this, making myself a priority.  I thought I was.  But I think the balance thing is so different for everyone. For instance, I have to clean up the toys every night, but don't mind if the laundry sits in a basket unfolded for a day.  I am not trying to be Super woman, but maybe I was, in some ways.  I was thinking, how can I make my writing more important.  It is easy to write when my hubby is off.  I know Danielle Steele, who has seven kids, wrote at night when her kids were little.  That is not going to work for me right now.  My brain doesn't work as well the, it requires meditation, TV, and a glass of wine.  I really was so glad these feelings came up.

I didn't need to figure out how I am going to put myself more on the radar.  Or how I am going to find more writing time?  It was about realizing that in some ways, that I did not value myself.  There is the part that doesn't really value what I write or say.  I thought about times, that as a stay at home mom, that I didn't feel valued or important for what I did too.  There is came again.  Mixed with "I am worthy" stuff.  What is my worth?  My sassy spiritual sexpot side decided to chime in saying, "I am a friggin' ROCKSTAR!"  Of course I am important, valueable, and worthy.  Look at me!  I am fabulous!  I am wise, fun, creative, talented, and radiate love.  I have so much to bring to this world, by shining my Light, who I really am.  So release those self-esteem issues and step further into yourself.  Don't worry about whether you are a good enough mother, writer, friend, wife, whatever!  DUH, you are!  Having awareness and releasing limiting beliefs frees you.  And soon, you will have someone clean your house, so you can have a clean house and write.  YES!  That will be awesome!  I love you! And you don't have to be super woman, but you can be Wonder Woman.  LOL!"  Yes, this was me talking to myself. Come on, we all do it. 

Always remember your value and how important you are.  Balance in your life is not the same for everyone.  You make it work for your life.  For me, I know that I have to write, it is in my soul.  If I didn't, I would not feel fulfilled.  And also, when emotions come up, look within and see what it is.  Then release it and move on to what you want.  Be easy on yourself.  It's OK to need more "me" time than someone else. Or not like to have as much on your plate as someone else.  We're all different.  Another thing, when you think you have already learned a lesson, and it rears its ugly head again, don't be hard on yourself.  It's like the peeling the layers of the onions.  It's all good.  Trust that.  Being a positive person doesn't mean you never have negative moment, it's that you choose to not stay there.  And ALWAYS Love yourself.  I share my feelings, being authentic and open, so maybe someone will get some insight into their own life or they will learn something.  Being yourself doesn't have to make you be vulnerable, it make make set you free.  Namaste, Lovies, Shanti, Blessings, & all yummy delicious stuff to all of you!  

Labels are for fables

I got to thinking about labels.  And not the cute ones, like the C's on the Coach or Chanel bags.  But sometimes, we wear labels like that, on our emotional sleeves, without even knowing it.  In the fables, there are good guys, bad guys, damsels in distress, and one-dimensional characters.  We are much more than that.  So when we label ourselves, we limit ourselves.  Why do that?  We are always changing, growing, and learning.  Sometimes people in our lives don't like when we change, even though it's inevitable.  Everyone likes to keep us labeled in their minds.  It's how we understand the world.  And when we don't understand people, we still label them, maybe as crazy.    What if we let go of labels and limitations we place on others and ourselves?  As I watch my children grow and constantly change, it challenges me to let go of who I thought they were, from one year to the next.  They are finding themselves, as am I, as are we all.  It is a beautiful dance we do together and it's always evolving.   

Here's the story of me ending an argument with my teenage daughter, which is really funny on how she was labeling me.

"Nothing matters before this moment,"  I say, wanting to move on.

"Do you even here yourself?  You sound like a 1-800 number, for a psychic hotline.  Nothing matters before this moment," she said in a soft voice, poking fun at me. 

I bursted out laughing. 

"You're drinking the Kool-aid,"  she said.

"I'm not drinking anybodies Kool-aid."  I said.

"You're making the Kool-aid,"  she said.  I was still laughing and we had easily ended the argument.

No worries, I am not starting a cult.  I want my kids to be free to think what they want and find their truth for themselves.  Plus, teenagers are usually think there parents are weird, right?  She teases me, but I don't mind, because we joke with each other all the time.  I keep evolving how I parent and especially how I deal with conflict and problems.  Damn those Moms, for being like a real actual person, and changing sometimes.  LOL!  And I will keep changing until the day I die.  And as a parent, I can't label my kids as the smart one, or helpful one, or difficult one, even though it may seem like that.  When we label them, we limit who they can be.     

Do you ever find yourself saying this like:
I am not a great athlete so I am couldn't do...
I am not a good writer, so I can't...
I've never been patient so...
I'm not a nature person so...
I don't like to try new things so...
You may say these things in your head. but you see, everyday, you get a brand new chance to become a painter, because you have secretly always wanted to.  Take a music lesson or whatever you have a little whisper in you heart is saying.  Step out of your box and try something new. 

Think about all the fun and possibilities, we miss out on, when we limit who we are.  Luckily in this day and age, you can redefine yourself, as much as you want.  If you got divorced, even into the last century, you were therefore labeled in a negative way.  Look at how far we have come.  Being out as a gay person was unheard of in the past.  Now, there are new laws everyday that support civil rights for all.  The world is so connected now by technology, especially the internet, that people from all over globe are getting to see past the labels, of where we come from.  Labeling people by what country they live in seems so silly, since in the US, we are so diverse.  I love to meet people different cultures, backgrounds because it's fascinating to hear people's stories.  It expands my mind and I learn from every interaction.  If I label them, closing myself off to them, what could I be missing out on?  

Still, some may label or categorize us, even in our families.  That's OK.  We never have to take on someone's label of us.  We are free to be.  On a funny note, labels can come in handy, like on spice jars.  I was making popcorn for my kids and grabbed cinnamon, instead of smoked paprika, when I had already added garlic powder and turmeric.  I asked my older two to guess the secret ingredient and they guessed right, but they ate it anyway.  It actually tasted good.  Who knew?

Ladies of love, light, & life!

I attended the eWomenNetwork conference in Atlantic City this week.  CRAZY CUPCAKES!  I was so intimidated at first.  I was going to see Lisa Nichols, the best-selling author who was featured in the book, the Secret.  My lovely mother had gotten us tickets.  I didn't know what to expect, but I got up early and dressed in my sassy sans-kids way, feeling very confident.  When I walked in, you could just feel the power of these women.  It was a buzz, a confidence, and a truly feminine-loving nature flowing around.  We heard lots of amazing women speak, each one giving me a piece of my puzzle, and confirming what was in my heart.  In the past, smart, successful, powerful women really intimidated me.  I felt that they were better than me.  I cowered inside, next to their confidence.  The women at this conference welcomed you, with open arms, to share what they know.

As we were asked to share about ourselves, handing out our business cards, I handed out scraps of paper with my name, number, blog, and facebook page on it.  Hey, you gotta start somewhere.  Every women I met was helpful, supportive, and inspiring.  I am still processing all that I heard and experienced that day.  If I wrote everything about day, it would be a small book.  I really wish I could impart what learned to everyone, because I really can't do it justice with words, but it was beyond transformational.  One of the most important things that I want to share is it got me to ask myself more questions and reminded me that I am a ROCKSTAR, as we all are.  Don't ever stop believing that!

Having to tell people about myself made me ask, who am I and what do I do?  It made me have to adjust and relax my energy into this, which help me build confidence.  I am a mother of four. I blog, write fiction, and am still cultivating just exactly what other awesomeness that I am going to do.  It was about me telling them what I plan on doing, not showing them until I start making it into a business or making money at it.  I know, in my bones, that I am going to be a successful writer, speaker, and more.  Writing that, is so much easier than telling a stranger...until now.  It made me stretch out of my comfort zone.  With each person that I spoke with, was first blown away that I have four kids, like it was twenty-five of them, and believed in me right away, that this was going to happen for me.  Many real soul connections were made, as each person really was a teacher and student, to each other.  I had to ask myself some hard, personal questions too.  Was I caring about what others thought, therefore stopping my own mojo?  Was I using my time wisely, sweating over things that don't matter?  Was I focusing on what I wanted?  Was I afraid to succeed?  What was my energy like, when people meet me (confident, open, loving, fun), I hope?  Do I feel stuck in any way?  What do I see for myself in the future?  What steps can I take towards that?  What are my intentions?  So many more, I am sure, but the idea is always to examine where you are at.  From a loving place within yourself, ask yourself questions.  And if you need assistance, ask and be open to receive what you need.

There were many laughs and stories shared by the speakers and by each lovely lady that I met.  I took many things, as signs from the Universe, confirming that I am right on track.  The message echoed throughout was, that there is no competition, we are all unique and a true gift to this world.  Keep dreaming big.  You can do it!  I thank all those women who were cheering myself and everyone on.  Marilyn Kleinberg was the organizer and I just love her personality, it's fun and refreshing.  I told her that what I loved about the eWomenNetwork Conference is that it was a great mix of business and spiritual energy.  Sandra Yancey, the founder of eWomenNetwork is so beautiful and inspiring. She spoke of being a mother and entrepreneur. She told her story about starting her business, empowering us all that we can achieve epic success.  Lisa Nichols spoke of having this dream in her belly, that if we have to give birth too, even if no one understands.  I felt like she was speaking to me and me alone.  She read my heart.  She exudes love.  If you ever get the chance to see her speak, be prepared to feel a real presence of magic.  It wasn't just a talk that she gave, but rather an experience, that I had.  I felt emotion well up in my heart, as I teared up. 

Even though, I don't know the how's yet, it confirmed deep-down in my soul that I am meant to do that.  I want to give talks like that.  Speaking so that I may uplift, inspire, empower, and cheer on other people.  I want to be an example to others, to teach them what I have learned.  I can see it now.  I will hand out glitter pom-poms at the door, not to cheer me on, but for them to cheer themselves on.  I will step up on that stage and we will have a blast, it will be so fun.  I will let my Light shine, leading the way, for those who forgot how awesome they are.  I will say, "Here is the way, here is a path, that may be less traveled but you will be so happy you took it.  Maybe you have never seen anyone do what you want to do, but maybe that's cause you are a badass pioneer, a rebel maverick, a sparkly firework, on the edge of glory, rockin' on that leading edge."  And I will end with:  "You are amazing, always remember that.  Stand up and cheer for yourselves, ROCKSTARS!  Rock & shine, like the brilliant diamond you are. I love you ALL!"  I will be up selling my novels and my fun-and-deep, Jennylicious guide to life, and my products too.  Dream big, while totally loving life today.  xoxo

And Mommy, thank you being the greatest teacher of my life and my biggest supporter.  One day, I think I'll be writing a book about you.  I'd also like to thank the women that I happen to have their names.  The rest of you, thank you, in spirit.  And to the people reading this, I send you a big, sparkly, cyber hug!  Thank you for reading.  Please feel free to share.

Marilyn Kleinberg-www.ewomennetwork.com/chapter/snj
Sandra Yancey-www.new.ewomennetwork.com/ 
Lisa Nichols-lisanichols.com
Kathleen Cashman-www.cashmanconsultingllc.com
Janet Garraty-www.gojanenews.com
Lisa Monahan-www.bridgingenergies.com
Cristi Cook-www.abetterbalancedyou.com
Sabrina Smith-www.ericksplace.org
Sylvia Henderson-www.springboardtraining.com
Lisa Marie Platske-www.upsidethinking.com
Johanna Scheets-johannascheets.myarbonne.com
Stella Collington-eatpaylove.com
Cindy Cipriani-www.clearpathinstitute.com
Emily Morgan-meetemilymorgan.com
Amy Druding-www.permanentmakeupbyamy.net
Donna Andrews-donnaandrewsphotography.com
Shaun Stephenson-www.thecircleoften.ning.com/
Carol Plummer-http://www.ewomennetwork.com/chapterHomePage/chapterHomePage.php?code=montgomery
www.olis-originals.com/
Anne Glenning (My Mom)-http://www.ameripriseadvisors.com/anne.d.glenning/profile/

A bout of self doubt makes you pout!

Self-doubt is a tricky one, it pretends to be your friend at first. Beware! It creeps in slowly.  It started out telling me, "You have so much going on, with the kids, you just don't have time to write."  Sound innocent.  But then it leads to, you just don't have what it takes to manage it all...you just don't have what it takes.  I was having self-doubt rock my confidence.  I knew inside though, that this really wasn't real.  I waited it out.  I allowed the blah feelings to surface, on and off, for at least a week.  It was no fun at times, but I knew it was what was no longer served me, coming up to let it go.  You see, I have changed the way I think, but in the past, self-doubt was the voice I always heard in my head.  So I recognized it, trying to trick me with it's...what makes you so special?  What makes you think you can succeed?  How can you make your dreams come true?  Be realistic.  You can't have a toned body, you have four kids.  You are not smart enough.  All this stuff I use to believe about myself, secretly.  It was almost comical, to see the thoughts come up.  I was thinking, where in the hell did that come from?  And of course,with the Law of Attraction, because I was doubting myself, I would draw conversations, where I felt like I had to explain myself.  It was exhausting.  I wanted to call my Mom, sister, or friends to look for validation.  In the past, I would have asked for help, but then I would have not really gotten to the other side of this.  I share this with you, because I always learn so much from others' life experiences.

And WOW, do I love being back to me.  Where I can totally see this in Oprah's magazine, I could see myself being a featured columnist/blogger.  I dream big, I believe that anything is possible for me.  I believe in myself and that is really all that matters to me.  Others do not have to believe in me, understand me, validate me.  It is not their job.  And when I allow myself to be defined by others, when they like me, or agree with me, I am high up on the roller coaster.  When they don't agree, or like me, I am at the bottom.  That is a crazy way to live.  I do not choose that anymore.  What I learned from this latest lesson, is that when self-doubt tricks you, hold tight, it's okay.  You are not eternally flawed or broken.  Choose to just hold on and trust.

I had an "I Don't Knowism" sitch going on.  I had a case of "Little-old-me syndrome" and a bout of "Not Enoughness."  I felt like I was on the hamster wheel and my mind was racing.  With all this stirred up, I had to think about everything I believe, know, feel, have done.  It was a big letting go of energy and now there is a newness. Whew!  When you are aware and observe yourself and your thoughts, miracles can really happen.  You can always change how you think. But like what happened to me, hiccups along the way, help move you along.  When you are getting in shape physically, you don't expect to have six-pack abs in one day, so be easy on yourself.  You can consciously make changes on how you think, but subconsciously you have lots of crappy thinking from the past in there.  Good new is that repetition causes changes to the conscious, so keep going, affirmations, telling a new story of your life, positive thinking, appreciating your life, and feeling good.  You reprogram yourself, you work out the kinks, with your vibration on continual basis.  Law of attraction in action.  People may think it's easy for me, I make it look easy sometimes.  I was good at faking how I really felt and thought.  I was that happy face behind the pain type gal.  Now I am I the happy face behind the happy.  Just ask my kids.  I annoy the crap out of my teenage daughter, which I will admit is funny.  I choose happy.  I had enough of feeling bad, this is way more fun.  Being authentic and true to myself, I am sharing what a beautiful thing my hiccup was. 

I Don't Knowism:  I had this feeling that I could not shake.  It was self-doubt making me think that I didn't know anything.  That I didn't know how to do anything.  This can feel like you are lost.  You are not, you are on your path, and you get to choose your direction.  You are not struck, if you don't label it as that.  I momentarily thought that I had not made an progress in the past year, which I knew was not true.  It is not about the physical stuff, as much as the foundation, that I have built inside of me.  What I knew was I am happier than I was last year, clearer in my knowing, and more confident than ever.  I had already learned that when I confront old feelings, or insecurities, whatever the negative is...that I am so much freer and feel so much more expansive afterwards.  I don't avoid how I feel, or else I can't change it.  I just sat with the feeling and trusted my inner knowing.  It is okay to not have all the answers.  I did ask myself, "What do I know?"  "Who am I?"  "What do I want?"  I asked my higher self and waited for the wisdom and insight to come.  And now that I am back in the feeling good business, all the wisdom and insights came flooding to me.  Oh yeah!  I know I am a ROCKSTAR of my life!  I have all the knowing inside of me.  We all do.

Little-old-me syndrome:  Lil' old me is ordinary, mediocre, and the nothing is special about me, thinking.  Look at everyone else, they are amazing and me, not so much.  I felt like I was in competition with everyone.  I realized that when you are feeling the low vibe, you feel lack, and you are in competition, comparing yourself to others.  Self doubt was telling me that Little-old-me can't be a successful writer, get in better shape, give inspirational talks, keep making my Jennylicious happy raps, and achieve all that I dream and desire.  Well, watch me, self-doubt!  You do not have to believe in me, you never did. You were the one who egged me on in making bad choices in the past, making me believe that I was little-old-me.  But you know what, I am so glad you did, because it makes getting here, to this fabulous place, even more delicious.  I felt that fleeting temptation to go back to playing small, but self-doubt, I hate to tell you, the train has left the station.  I can't go back.  Thank God!  So when others did not think I was the greatest thing, since sliced bread, you would tell me "they are idiots, what do they know?"  But really, you loved it.  You loved me playing small, being little-old-me, where you could be in charge.  You can't trick me though, I am confident now, to the core.  When I was having a bout of self-doubt, I affirmed:  I am confident in all areas of my life.  Cause sometimes you gotta fake it, til you make it, til' you get over the hump.  And you will get there. 

Not Enoughness:  This part is my least favorite and it's the biggie for me.  It stirs the pot the most, it's what led me to an eating disorder in my teens, to try to be thin enough.  It had worthiness and self-esteem issues coming up.  This turned out to be such a gem, of a lesson for me.  I was already feeling like I did not have the answers I thought I did, my whole energy internally was little-old-me, and not thinking I was good enough was so uncomfortable and foreign to me nowadays.  I refused to really, truly, believe this drama, but it was pretty wild.  I had this life review thing going on, thinking about the past, which really reminded me that I am a totally different person now.  Even in a bad moment, I don't hate myself.  Self-doubt told me that I sucked at parenting, cleaning, organizing, writing, being me, life, and whatever else it could bring up.  I tried to think why I was enough.  I decided that wasn't going to work at that moment.  I just had to say:  I am enough.  The fog was clearing and clarity was like a bright blue sky, after a storm.  The truth is none of it mattered whether I was good at anything, it is how I felt about myself.  And that determines everything for me.  It doesn't matter whether others think I am good enough at whatever, if I don't.  Also, if others don't think I am good enough, it doesn't matter either.  I run my own own show, it's about me living my life.  They can live theirs.  It's perfect.  And I know that I am more than good enough, I'm me.  And I am success at me.  Everything else, really is the icing on the cake.  So enough is enough, I love myself even more now.  I love being me.  And in me, being real, sharing what I learn, I am hoping others benefit too.  My wish is for all to feel as good as I do, confident and sure.  Always onward and upward.  Holla if you're with me.  Whoot!  Whoot!  ;)

I love looking in the mirror!

I do love looking at myself in the mirror, but this is about a different kind of mirror.  Our relationships are our mirror, to truly see ourselves.  When we are in our solitude, we gain peace, clarity, and insight.  But if you really want to know about yourself, have relationships with lots of people.  I don't mean be a hoochie, but rather be a spouse/partner/significant other, mom/dad, daughter/son, sister/brother, friend, co-worker, teacher, etc.  Our relationships show us what we may want to work on, or what we would like to change, in ourselves, it's always about us.  If you look outside yourself for love, peace, or happiness, you will always be at the mercy of outside forces.  You can change any relationship, from within.  It's all your perspective. 

If you feel like you were someone's victim, that may be true...but you do not want to stay that.  You are a powerful being, free from anyone else's influence, free from your past.  No matter what the thing, that person did, the longer you dwell on it, the longer they still hurt you.  You can imagine yourself cutting a cord that energetically attaches you and them together.  You can write them a letter getting all of your pain out and then burn it.  You can process why they did it, until the cows come home, but  then it's about them.  You can analyze your feelings to death or you can move on.  Move on, because YOU are worth it. 

If someone ticked you off or offends, look at your part, your reaction.  What buttons does it press?  What "issues" does it trigger?  I had a friend, who I had known for over five years "unfriend" me on Facebook.  Why?  We know it's not because I write mean things.  I guess we are not a match anymore.  For a split second, I thought, what did I do wrong?  Then I remember, nothing, being me is fabulous.  Releasing the need to be right and not taking things personally frees you, from other's drama.  If my Dad, or my daughter, say that I am wrong for thinking the way I do, or don't get me, it's an opportunity for me.  For me to stand in my truth and be myself, loving myself totally.  Regulating your thoughts and feeling is literally the key to your happiness. 
 
If you feel someone doesn't make you happy, it's not their job.  You are totally in charge of your happiness.  If you say they don't love or accept me, and if they did, you would be happy-happier-feel good...you gave all your power away.  Loving and accepting yourself improves your relationships more than anything.  You set the tone, vibrationally with people, from within.  I have learned this through my marriage.  I have been married for fifteen years, since I was 19 years old.  Many times, I would look to him to change, when it was really about me finding happiness inside myself.  The happier I am, the better partner I make, for sure.  I also can't be on a roller coaster of happiness/unhappiness by what one of my four kids is doing.  Regardless of what carnival of craziness is going on in my house, my happy place really is within.  Each of my children teach me different things, in how they challenge me.  I think, Hmm....well here, I am letting go of needing to control, or needing someone to agree, or whatever it is.  

My best advice with friendship break-ups, is to think of what you did like about them, and leave the rest of the crap alone.  You can just have changed, grown apart,without having to make them bad or wrong.  You don't want all those yucky feelings in your heart.  If people don't like you, you have to adopt the "Oh well-whatever-who cares" attitude.  You don't necessarily like everyone, or prefer their personality either.  Resentment, past hurts, old stories, are the metaphoric baggage we choose to carry, or not.  The past has past.  Whatever someone did, made you feel like, or whatever, doesn't deserve space in your mind.  Let go of it.  Take it to a higher perspective.  See them as a soul.  It's way easier to forgive then. 

If you see yourself repeating certain patterns with people, you can change it.  If you find yourself playing victim, with your friends, spouse, the lady at the grocery store.  Celebrate.  You are getting a huge message loud and clear.  And now you see, that you don't like it, so affirm, "I am a powerful being.  I am in control of my own life.  I have control over my thoughts, feelings, and actions."  The more you focus on positive thoughts, letting go of crappy one, you will see this affirm is totally true.  Now if you attract needy people, ask yourself why.  Do you feel more valuable when people need you?  Do you have the idea that all people do is take, take, take? Hello, victim again, just hiding in a different costume.  Do you have a problem saying no, standing up for yourself, setting boundaries, you like to people please.?  This is a worthiness thing.  Feeling more worthy when you are a nice person, do good things, or when you give more than receive, is a trap.  It is wonderful to give and be nice, I do all the time, but not at the expense of myself.  If you are doing this not from your highest place, in your soul, you feel drained, and taken advantage of.  If you think, well I should do it or what will people think if I don't do it...RED FLAG.  Affirm:  I am worthy because I exist.  I am worthy of all good things.  I am worthy because I am a wonderful human being.  I am worthy because I am a Divine soul."  Or make up your own affirmations, that feel good to you.  There are great affirmations from Louise L.  Hay, she is the Queen of Affirmations.  See, all the things that you thought we bad about self, your issues, challenges, they aren't the end of the world.  You are so powerful and you can change anything. 

I can't live in a hut mediating all day, so I learn spiritually through being a Mom. and all the other brilliant things I am, right in New Jersey.  I learn more everyday about myself and the world, through my experiences and relationships. Relationships are such a beautiful thing.  The reflect back to us how we really feel inside and shine a light on how we really think.  Use this to your benefit.  The more you work on making yourself happy and loving yourself, the better you relationships get.  And if they don't change much, you give it less energy, cause you choose YOU, over them.  Always choose YOU and you will love everyone way more.  Yay for you!  Cheering, supporting, and believing in you always!  :)  Now go look in the mirror and blow yourself a kiss and say "I LOVE YOU!"