Wednesday, August 22, 2012

The perfect mom is off the the hook.

Yeah, there are blogs every day about letting Moms off the hook for being "perfect." Or about women in general, having to be superwoman.  The demands to be sexy, smart, organized, creative, peaceful and assertive and all these conflicting, muddy messages.  Well, I'm going to weigh in here.  I am letting you ALL off the hook...AGAIN.  This is written to me also, cause who doesn't need the reminder.

I don't read parenting magazines.  I think there are many different ways to parent that are all going to yield some wonderful adults.  In theory, this sounds good, right?  Until you talk to other parents and find out what they are doing.  For me, it goes like this:  School is about to start.  And dance.  And soccer.  Oh yes...and then there is that career I'm launching.  I am staying in shape too.  I guess my 2 1/2 year old will have to take up weight lifting too.  All four kids will have to eat dinner every night.  In my mind, the thoughts start rolling, like a freight train. I need to get more organized.  Successful people are organized...but then I am going to have to be vigilant every day about the kids not cluttering up/messing up/making things unorganized.  I have to be the room mom for my son in kindergarten, because I was for the older two kids.  And if other Moms volunteer in his classroom, once a week, I will to.  Because I don't want him to think I don't love/care/want to be involved.  I should take my two year old to the playground, so he can make friends, and I think they have a toddler music class too.  *Do you hear this bullshit?*  I take it all off the table and start again.  The question is:  What works for me?  What will work best for my family?  Ask yourself.  It is your choice, you can add them all back onto the table.  But it feels different when it is a choice, not an obligation or a "should."

I think it is wonderful when Moms can be everything to everyone.  I am not one of them, nor do I care to be.  I have to be true to me.  I can be more present with my kids if I am not stressed.  That's how I roll.  I am teaching my kids, through my example, on how to be a person.  And being off balance, trying to be "superwoman" is just not my thing.  That is the FABULOUS thing.  We, as Moms, get to define how we do it.  My mom was a working mom and I admire the ROCKSTAR that she still is.  She is smart, ambitious, and is the most amazing lady I ever met.  She reminds me all the time to let myself off the hook.  She didn't go to class parties, but I knew she loved me.  Whether you are a stay-at-home-mom, work full-time, part-time, it doesn't matter.  You set boundaries, because no one else will set them for you.  Do something for yourself every day, whether it is a taking a walk, dancing, treating yourself, but fill up your self-love tank.  Your kids don't realize you're a person, they just think you're a Mom, who feeds them, drives them around, and is at their service 24-7.  If that works for you, great, if not....YOU ARE OFF THE HOOK.  Let go of the "perfect/good/nice" mom thing.  I, for one, am perfect for me.  :)

And YAY for choices!!!  A happy Mom is what kids want most.  My advice:  Love them lots and be silly with them.  Blessings to all!  And Dads, men, people in general, I hereby decree:  YOU ARE OFF THE HOOK ALSO.  Take a deep breath.  You can be yourself now.  And don't forget to enjoy life!!!  Lovies, Jennylicious!!!