Yeah, there are blogs every day about letting Moms off the hook for being "perfect." Or about women in general, having to be superwoman. The demands to be sexy, smart, organized, creative, peaceful and assertive and all these conflicting, muddy messages. Well, I'm going to weigh in here. I am letting you ALL off the hook...AGAIN. This is written to me also, cause who doesn't need the reminder.
I don't read parenting magazines. I think there are many different ways to parent that are all going to yield some wonderful adults. In theory, this sounds good, right? Until you talk to other parents and find out what they are doing. For me, it goes like this: School is about to start. And dance. And soccer. Oh yes...and then there is that career I'm launching. I am staying in shape too. I guess my 2 1/2 year old will have to take up weight lifting too. All four kids will have to eat dinner every night. In my mind, the thoughts start rolling, like a freight train. I need to get more organized. Successful people are organized...but then I am going to have to be vigilant every day about the kids not cluttering up/messing up/making things unorganized. I have to be the room mom for my son in kindergarten, because I was for the older two kids. And if other Moms volunteer in his classroom, once a week, I will to. Because I don't want him to think I don't love/care/want to be involved. I should take my two year old to the playground, so he can make friends, and I think they have a toddler music class too. *Do you hear this bullshit?* I take it all off the table and start again. The question is: What works for me? What will work best for my family? Ask yourself. It is your choice, you can add them all back onto the table. But it feels different when it is a choice, not an obligation or a "should."
I think it is wonderful when Moms can be everything to everyone. I am not one of them, nor do I care to be. I have to be true to me. I can be more present with my kids if I am not stressed. That's how I roll. I am teaching my kids, through my example, on how to be a person. And being off balance, trying to be "superwoman" is just not my thing. That is the FABULOUS thing. We, as Moms, get to define how we do it. My mom was a working mom and I admire the ROCKSTAR that she still is. She is smart, ambitious, and is the most amazing lady I ever met. She reminds me all the time to let myself off the hook. She didn't go to class parties, but I knew she loved me. Whether you are a stay-at-home-mom, work full-time, part-time, it doesn't matter. You set boundaries, because no one else will set them for you. Do something for yourself every day, whether it is a taking a walk, dancing, treating yourself, but fill up your self-love tank. Your kids don't realize you're a person, they just think you're a Mom, who feeds them, drives them around, and is at their service 24-7. If that works for you, great, if not....YOU ARE OFF THE HOOK. Let go of the "perfect/good/nice" mom thing. I, for one, am perfect for me. :)
And YAY for choices!!! A happy Mom is what kids want most. My advice: Love them lots and be silly with them. Blessings to all! And Dads, men, people in general, I hereby decree: YOU ARE OFF THE HOOK ALSO. Take a deep breath. You can be yourself now. And don't forget to enjoy life!!! Lovies, Jennylicious!!!
Showing posts with label children. Show all posts
Showing posts with label children. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Saturday, July 21, 2012
YOU DAY!
Hello Beautyilicious! Take the day off! If you can't today, do it real soon. It's essential to nurture your spirit, by taking care of your body and mind. I am here by, giving you permission to stay in bed all day if you want. You can watch movies and eat ice cream. You can go by what your body tells you it wants. Sometimes it needs to rest and relax. For some, it needs to skydive, it's whatever you like. Many people say, oh...but I have so much to do. But I will tell you, the "stuff" can wait a day. When you keep running around, minds never stopping, you can get worn out. You body gets sick and needs to heal. But you can hit the refresh button, just like on your computer. Recharge yourself, by doing what you like. Live on purpose and that could means going shopping, if that is what you have been wanting to do. Let yourself have a vacation day, once a month. You will thank yourself for it.
Tips:
Think only what you want to think about. Or don't think at all.
Do things that feel good. Treat yourself like you really are on vacation.
Stress, worry, regret, fear, doubt, and guilt are not allowed to come on vacay with you.
Laugh, play, dance, lounge, swim, eat, drink, stretch, and whatever your body likes.
Your kids can eat peanut butter and jelly or cereal. Having a happy parent means more to their health, than what's for dinner one night a month. Or order take-out if you can. Cook if you enjoy it. This is about a state of mind. So even if you can't afford to go on vacation, make yourself have the feeling. Dust will wait for you. Laundry is very patient. Yard work is going to be there tomorrow. It's your life, you make the rules. You get to define how you like to live and what you want to do. By making yourself top priority, you show others, including your kids, how to be happy themselves. Show other the way to be happy, by being happy.
And I did follow my own advice and did this last Thursday. I sat on my sun porch, with a saucy novel, and read for hours. In the afternoon, I even made a fruity cocktail, which is named Liquid Sunshine. Psst...I invented it and it's just Pino Grigio with chopped pineapple, but it's delicious! I did do some laundry, but didn't fold it. You see, sheets that were peed on by little kids cannot wait, but I still had my vacay state of mind. We ordered pizza for dinner and watched a funny movie. The Thursday before, we went to the beach from 1pm to 7pm and we had pizza on the beach for dinner. This is how you make a fabulous life for yourself. You think it up and then create it.
Knowing that how I feel is the most important thing, I take care of myself everyday. When you are aware of your energy and how your vibe is, you have so much more to give. Although, you have to balance that. There is no..."Oh, I'm so sorry I can't help that day" (or do that thing for you). I don't say "I feel so bad..." when I can't do things anymore. You can't be everything to everybody. Especially to be successful and happy, you have to know what to say no to, and what to say yes to. You can tell by the feeling inside, it gives you. You have your answers within. You really are a ROCKSTAR! And Rockstars deserve vacations. And another secret is: You can live in the vacation state of mind all the time. Just by treating yourself with kindness, following your bliss, doing things that make you feel good, and focusing on the positive...is like being on vacation. That sense of freedom is always where, should you choose to accept the mission. Your mission is: TO LOVE YOURSELF UNABASHEDLY. Now....GO! Over and out, Roger!
LOL! Can you tell I have have little kids. ;)
Tips:
Think only what you want to think about. Or don't think at all.
Do things that feel good. Treat yourself like you really are on vacation.
Stress, worry, regret, fear, doubt, and guilt are not allowed to come on vacay with you.
Laugh, play, dance, lounge, swim, eat, drink, stretch, and whatever your body likes.
Your kids can eat peanut butter and jelly or cereal. Having a happy parent means more to their health, than what's for dinner one night a month. Or order take-out if you can. Cook if you enjoy it. This is about a state of mind. So even if you can't afford to go on vacation, make yourself have the feeling. Dust will wait for you. Laundry is very patient. Yard work is going to be there tomorrow. It's your life, you make the rules. You get to define how you like to live and what you want to do. By making yourself top priority, you show others, including your kids, how to be happy themselves. Show other the way to be happy, by being happy.
And I did follow my own advice and did this last Thursday. I sat on my sun porch, with a saucy novel, and read for hours. In the afternoon, I even made a fruity cocktail, which is named Liquid Sunshine. Psst...I invented it and it's just Pino Grigio with chopped pineapple, but it's delicious! I did do some laundry, but didn't fold it. You see, sheets that were peed on by little kids cannot wait, but I still had my vacay state of mind. We ordered pizza for dinner and watched a funny movie. The Thursday before, we went to the beach from 1pm to 7pm and we had pizza on the beach for dinner. This is how you make a fabulous life for yourself. You think it up and then create it.
Knowing that how I feel is the most important thing, I take care of myself everyday. When you are aware of your energy and how your vibe is, you have so much more to give. Although, you have to balance that. There is no..."Oh, I'm so sorry I can't help that day" (or do that thing for you). I don't say "I feel so bad..." when I can't do things anymore. You can't be everything to everybody. Especially to be successful and happy, you have to know what to say no to, and what to say yes to. You can tell by the feeling inside, it gives you. You have your answers within. You really are a ROCKSTAR! And Rockstars deserve vacations. And another secret is: You can live in the vacation state of mind all the time. Just by treating yourself with kindness, following your bliss, doing things that make you feel good, and focusing on the positive...is like being on vacation. That sense of freedom is always where, should you choose to accept the mission. Your mission is: TO LOVE YOURSELF UNABASHEDLY. Now....GO! Over and out, Roger!
LOL! Can you tell I have have little kids. ;)
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Feisty Soul report from the Mommy-hood!
I love being a Mom. I used to really suck at it. Well, actually I use to think I sucked at it. I thought I was the worst mother in the world sometimes. In reality, I became a Mom at twenty and did the best I could with who I was then. I don't live in the past. Nowadays, I don't judge myself. If I do feel that I could have done something differently, I think...Okie Dokie, and move on. I actually think Motherhood is fascinating. In some cultures, it is so intuitive, instinctual, they are just doing their thing, without any of the parenting books, magazines, or experts. For many, whether you work full time, part time, or are a stay-at-home-mom, this job is like they say, the hardest. When you make a parenting mistake you can feel like you screwed them up for life. Yes, if you screw up at work, you can get fired, but the feeling like you really screwed up with your child makes you feel like a complete failure. The reason I wanted to write this is to share some things I have learned. I am the zany mother of an almost fifteen year old daughter, and three sons, eleven, five, and two.
First of all, I have learned to stop asking everyone their opinion on things related to my kids, parenting, and decisions. This used to make me feel so confused. I gave all my power away. The people pleaser in me could never win. But really, there is no real right, idea, perfect way to do it. If your kid sleeps in your bed until they are five, sucks their thumb until they were eleven (okay this was me), uses cloth diapers, eats the right serving of vegetables, go to a certain preschool, does flash cards, blah...blah...blah. Your kids are not going to remember most of this, but how you made them feel. What you were like as a parent and person is what they will be telling their grandkids. Best advice, love them. Play with them, but in your own way. If you do not like playing transformers with them, watch a movie with them, bake with them, dance with them. Just let them see you enjoy life. Let them see your JOY. Let them know you.
If you clean up the toys, they will get them out again. If you wash the windows, they will lick the glass. If you vacuum, they will dump their snack on the carpet. If you are in a rush, someone will crap their pants. These kinds of shenanigans happen with my youngest two, who often have meltdowns simultaneously and often when I get a phone call. This teaches me detachment. To not be so attached to the way things have to look or be. It's nothing personal, they don't even do it on purpose. Don't expect them to be perfect. You don't want robots, that would be boring. It's the same with older kids, only different issues. Making mistakes helps them learn and decide what works for them. Let them grow. Everyday they are changing, so you have to go with the flow. They don't want to hang out with you anymore and think what you say is all wrong. It's a normal part of development and it's nothing personal. Let them have some space to breath. No helicopter parenting here anymore. They are wiser than grown-ups give them credit for.
Your kids are going to get mad at you, give you an attitude, think you are unfair, and all that fun stuff sometimes. Life goes on. Life can be messy and beautiful at the same time. You are teaching your children that relationships are about both sides. The parent isn't always right and it does not make you look weak in showing them this. The old way of parenting doesn't work anymore. Laying down the law, never adjusting the rules, and having them fear you is a bunch of baloney. Cultivate your own style of parenting that will have it's ebb and flow. What worked yesterday may not work today. When they are little they can get over things quick, especially if given a lollipop. With my older kids, I have a habit of trying to make up with them before they are ready, wanting them to talk about their feelings, and wanting peaceful energy again. But they are entitled to their feelings, as well as I am entitled to mine. They can't make me mad, sad, happy, or anything. That is my choice. They are doing, saying, being, and I can react or I can BE, as in be energy. I can the Be Energy of whatever. I can be the energy of peace, love, & joy when I choose to. I can take a deep breath and go to the happy place, even if it seems like there is a carnival-zoo-frat party going on around me. You cannot please everyone and that would not be good for them anyway. Sometimes the best things happen, when plans change.
The idea of being a good parent has good intentions. What I think is the more important thing than trying to impossibly be a perfect parent, is to show them how to be a happy, healthy person. I have missed appointments, shown up to dress rehearsal with my daughter a week too early (she was five and she still won't let me forget it), sent my son to pajama day a day early (that was this year), and many other human moments. I am perfectly me. Back when I was a young Mom, I would beat myself for days over mistakes, replaying it in my head, feeling embarrassed, and worried about what other people would think. Thank God those days are over. I had a lady come up to me on the beach last weekend and tell me what a good Mom I was. She was observing how I dealt with a situation. It was really nice to hear. But I still have my freak out moments, but they are rare now. I use to yell all the time, because I wasn't happy inside. I worked on me. I did the internal work on myself. I can proudly-boldly-unabashedly say...I love myself, which allows me to let my kids be themselves and I can love them unconditionally.
Message that I want all the Moms to hear is to focus on yourself and your energy. Fill up your own love tank. Be FULL of yourself, full of life. Fill up your own cup first and it will be so full that the love spills out into every area of your life and everyone. Really love yourself and you will be teaching the most valuable lesson in the world, to love themselves. When you love yourself, you are happy, you are kind, you thrive. You can teach self-esteem, but they will do what you do, not what you say. What I strive everyday to instill in my kids, by just being me, is to be yourself. Love yourself. Don't worry about what anyone else thinks. Not everyone is going to get you. Have lots of fun. Do your best, but more importantly be kind to yourself when you make mistakes. Follow your intuition, your inner voice. You can have bliss, joy, peace, and all the good feelings by living in the moment. Appreciate nature. Forgive people and move on. You are always connected to God/Universe/Source. You have guides and angels always loving and supporting you. You are responsible for your own energy. You can raise your vibes when you want. Life is good and it keeps getting better. I often say, "I love life. I love my life." Be in a thankful place and you will receive so much more. Carve your own unique path. Live your own life. Do what makes you happy. You do your own thing, let others do theirs, and respect everyone. I look at my kids as beings that I get to help and guide. They are not property, they are just little people. I love that they teach me as much as I teach them. I let them see me grow, learn, and bloom everyday. Deep breath again, you are doing an amazing job. Relax.
First of all, I have learned to stop asking everyone their opinion on things related to my kids, parenting, and decisions. This used to make me feel so confused. I gave all my power away. The people pleaser in me could never win. But really, there is no real right, idea, perfect way to do it. If your kid sleeps in your bed until they are five, sucks their thumb until they were eleven (okay this was me), uses cloth diapers, eats the right serving of vegetables, go to a certain preschool, does flash cards, blah...blah...blah. Your kids are not going to remember most of this, but how you made them feel. What you were like as a parent and person is what they will be telling their grandkids. Best advice, love them. Play with them, but in your own way. If you do not like playing transformers with them, watch a movie with them, bake with them, dance with them. Just let them see you enjoy life. Let them see your JOY. Let them know you.
If you clean up the toys, they will get them out again. If you wash the windows, they will lick the glass. If you vacuum, they will dump their snack on the carpet. If you are in a rush, someone will crap their pants. These kinds of shenanigans happen with my youngest two, who often have meltdowns simultaneously and often when I get a phone call. This teaches me detachment. To not be so attached to the way things have to look or be. It's nothing personal, they don't even do it on purpose. Don't expect them to be perfect. You don't want robots, that would be boring. It's the same with older kids, only different issues. Making mistakes helps them learn and decide what works for them. Let them grow. Everyday they are changing, so you have to go with the flow. They don't want to hang out with you anymore and think what you say is all wrong. It's a normal part of development and it's nothing personal. Let them have some space to breath. No helicopter parenting here anymore. They are wiser than grown-ups give them credit for.
Your kids are going to get mad at you, give you an attitude, think you are unfair, and all that fun stuff sometimes. Life goes on. Life can be messy and beautiful at the same time. You are teaching your children that relationships are about both sides. The parent isn't always right and it does not make you look weak in showing them this. The old way of parenting doesn't work anymore. Laying down the law, never adjusting the rules, and having them fear you is a bunch of baloney. Cultivate your own style of parenting that will have it's ebb and flow. What worked yesterday may not work today. When they are little they can get over things quick, especially if given a lollipop. With my older kids, I have a habit of trying to make up with them before they are ready, wanting them to talk about their feelings, and wanting peaceful energy again. But they are entitled to their feelings, as well as I am entitled to mine. They can't make me mad, sad, happy, or anything. That is my choice. They are doing, saying, being, and I can react or I can BE, as in be energy. I can the Be Energy of whatever. I can be the energy of peace, love, & joy when I choose to. I can take a deep breath and go to the happy place, even if it seems like there is a carnival-zoo-frat party going on around me. You cannot please everyone and that would not be good for them anyway. Sometimes the best things happen, when plans change.
The idea of being a good parent has good intentions. What I think is the more important thing than trying to impossibly be a perfect parent, is to show them how to be a happy, healthy person. I have missed appointments, shown up to dress rehearsal with my daughter a week too early (she was five and she still won't let me forget it), sent my son to pajama day a day early (that was this year), and many other human moments. I am perfectly me. Back when I was a young Mom, I would beat myself for days over mistakes, replaying it in my head, feeling embarrassed, and worried about what other people would think. Thank God those days are over. I had a lady come up to me on the beach last weekend and tell me what a good Mom I was. She was observing how I dealt with a situation. It was really nice to hear. But I still have my freak out moments, but they are rare now. I use to yell all the time, because I wasn't happy inside. I worked on me. I did the internal work on myself. I can proudly-boldly-unabashedly say...I love myself, which allows me to let my kids be themselves and I can love them unconditionally.
Message that I want all the Moms to hear is to focus on yourself and your energy. Fill up your own love tank. Be FULL of yourself, full of life. Fill up your own cup first and it will be so full that the love spills out into every area of your life and everyone. Really love yourself and you will be teaching the most valuable lesson in the world, to love themselves. When you love yourself, you are happy, you are kind, you thrive. You can teach self-esteem, but they will do what you do, not what you say. What I strive everyday to instill in my kids, by just being me, is to be yourself. Love yourself. Don't worry about what anyone else thinks. Not everyone is going to get you. Have lots of fun. Do your best, but more importantly be kind to yourself when you make mistakes. Follow your intuition, your inner voice. You can have bliss, joy, peace, and all the good feelings by living in the moment. Appreciate nature. Forgive people and move on. You are always connected to God/Universe/Source. You have guides and angels always loving and supporting you. You are responsible for your own energy. You can raise your vibes when you want. Life is good and it keeps getting better. I often say, "I love life. I love my life." Be in a thankful place and you will receive so much more. Carve your own unique path. Live your own life. Do what makes you happy. You do your own thing, let others do theirs, and respect everyone. I look at my kids as beings that I get to help and guide. They are not property, they are just little people. I love that they teach me as much as I teach them. I let them see me grow, learn, and bloom everyday. Deep breath again, you are doing an amazing job. Relax.
Monday, April 9, 2012
Let your haters, be your motivators!
I share these negative comments from two of my Jennylicious youtube videos, because I found some great lessons from them. On my video, "Shake your biscuit," This person commented: I feel bad for ur children... Having a mom who doesn't kno how to act like an adult, grow up please!
And on my video,"I'm so pretty," she commented: I'm a girl, and even think ugly girls shouldn't make videos like this. Just saying.... Freedom of speech.
Interesting, huh? When I first checked my email and saw this, I cringed...a mean comment doesn't feel good. Oh, but it does, after you see that it is not about you, it's about them. One of the greatest lessons is to not take things personally, which is definitely a lot easier when it is a stranger.
First of all, I could delete it. But I won't. I am not embarrassed. I know who I am. I responded to her in a kind manner. Her opinion is through her lens she views the world with. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am a really great Mom, and HELL YEAH, I am silly. I am never growing up and I don't care what anyone thinks of that. Being kid-like and also being a responsible parent is what I am. As for the second video, I guess she is saying I am ugly. Which is fine. I know I am beautiful and that is all that matters. She doesn't have a picture up, but I hope she feels beautiful and that she loves herself. When you truly love yourself, you don't need to comment mean things, to hurt other people. You wish everyone the best.
Plus, I did not come here to be liked, I came here to be ME. It's easy to retreat when someone doesn't like your video, your book, your painting, your photography, your music, or whatever. It makes you reexamine why you are doing it. It you are making it so that EVERYONE likes it, it's going to be watered down and not authentic. So why do I put myself out there, with my videos, to be judged by all the world to see? I make videos because they are fun, they uplift, inspire, amuse, & spread good vibes. I could always disable the comments section. But why? Other people may want to tell me that I made them laugh, giggle, feel lighter. That they decided to step outside their box and buy that leopard dress, because they were inspired by my zany spirit.
And no worries all you beautiful peeps, I will not be deterred by negative Nancies. I am still going to make videos, write books, and shine my awesomeness for all the world to see. I have a wonderful group of cheerleaders and I feel blessed to have them. I am cheering on each and every one of you who are reading this on. I believe in you. I believe in me. What energy you put out there, comes back you you. And to my naysayers, Namaste, Blessings, & all the yummy delicious to you.
P.S. My kids thought it was funny! I am so blessed to have them. My ten year old wanted to comment back a mean comment in my defense, but I said that would not make me look like a very good mommy. ;p MUAH! xoxo
And on my video,"I'm so pretty," she commented: I'm a girl, and even think ugly girls shouldn't make videos like this. Just saying.... Freedom of speech.
Interesting, huh? When I first checked my email and saw this, I cringed...a mean comment doesn't feel good. Oh, but it does, after you see that it is not about you, it's about them. One of the greatest lessons is to not take things personally, which is definitely a lot easier when it is a stranger.
First of all, I could delete it. But I won't. I am not embarrassed. I know who I am. I responded to her in a kind manner. Her opinion is through her lens she views the world with. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am a really great Mom, and HELL YEAH, I am silly. I am never growing up and I don't care what anyone thinks of that. Being kid-like and also being a responsible parent is what I am. As for the second video, I guess she is saying I am ugly. Which is fine. I know I am beautiful and that is all that matters. She doesn't have a picture up, but I hope she feels beautiful and that she loves herself. When you truly love yourself, you don't need to comment mean things, to hurt other people. You wish everyone the best.
Plus, I did not come here to be liked, I came here to be ME. It's easy to retreat when someone doesn't like your video, your book, your painting, your photography, your music, or whatever. It makes you reexamine why you are doing it. It you are making it so that EVERYONE likes it, it's going to be watered down and not authentic. So why do I put myself out there, with my videos, to be judged by all the world to see? I make videos because they are fun, they uplift, inspire, amuse, & spread good vibes. I could always disable the comments section. But why? Other people may want to tell me that I made them laugh, giggle, feel lighter. That they decided to step outside their box and buy that leopard dress, because they were inspired by my zany spirit.
And no worries all you beautiful peeps, I will not be deterred by negative Nancies. I am still going to make videos, write books, and shine my awesomeness for all the world to see. I have a wonderful group of cheerleaders and I feel blessed to have them. I am cheering on each and every one of you who are reading this on. I believe in you. I believe in me. What energy you put out there, comes back you you. And to my naysayers, Namaste, Blessings, & all the yummy delicious to you.
P.S. My kids thought it was funny! I am so blessed to have them. My ten year old wanted to comment back a mean comment in my defense, but I said that would not make me look like a very good mommy. ;p MUAH! xoxo
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Labels are for fables
I got to thinking about labels. And not the cute ones, like the C's on the Coach or Chanel bags. But sometimes, we wear labels like that, on our emotional sleeves, without even knowing it. In the fables, there are good guys, bad guys, damsels in distress, and one-dimensional characters. We are much more than that. So when we label ourselves, we limit ourselves. Why do that? We are always changing, growing, and learning. Sometimes people in our lives don't like when we change, even though it's inevitable. Everyone likes to keep us labeled in their minds. It's how we understand the world. And when we don't understand people, we still label them, maybe as crazy. What if we let go of labels and limitations we place on others and ourselves? As I watch my children grow and constantly change, it challenges me to let go of who I thought they were, from one year to the next. They are finding themselves, as am I, as are we all. It is a beautiful dance we do together and it's always evolving.
Here's the story of me ending an argument with my teenage daughter, which is really funny on how she was labeling me.
"Nothing matters before this moment," I say, wanting to move on.
"Do you even here yourself? You sound like a 1-800 number, for a psychic hotline. Nothing matters before this moment," she said in a soft voice, poking fun at me.
I bursted out laughing.
"You're drinking the Kool-aid," she said.
"I'm not drinking anybodies Kool-aid." I said.
"You're making the Kool-aid," she said. I was still laughing and we had easily ended the argument.
No worries, I am not starting a cult. I want my kids to be free to think what they want and find their truth for themselves. Plus, teenagers are usually think there parents are weird, right? She teases me, but I don't mind, because we joke with each other all the time. I keep evolving how I parent and especially how I deal with conflict and problems. Damn those Moms, for being like a real actual person, and changing sometimes. LOL! And I will keep changing until the day I die. And as a parent, I can't label my kids as the smart one, or helpful one, or difficult one, even though it may seem like that. When we label them, we limit who they can be.
Do you ever find yourself saying this like:
I am not a great athlete so I am couldn't do...
I am not a good writer, so I can't...
I've never been patient so...
I'm not a nature person so...
I don't like to try new things so...
You may say these things in your head. but you see, everyday, you get a brand new chance to become a painter, because you have secretly always wanted to. Take a music lesson or whatever you have a little whisper in you heart is saying. Step out of your box and try something new.
Think about all the fun and possibilities, we miss out on, when we limit who we are. Luckily in this day and age, you can redefine yourself, as much as you want. If you got divorced, even into the last century, you were therefore labeled in a negative way. Look at how far we have come. Being out as a gay person was unheard of in the past. Now, there are new laws everyday that support civil rights for all. The world is so connected now by technology, especially the internet, that people from all over globe are getting to see past the labels, of where we come from. Labeling people by what country they live in seems so silly, since in the US, we are so diverse. I love to meet people different cultures, backgrounds because it's fascinating to hear people's stories. It expands my mind and I learn from every interaction. If I label them, closing myself off to them, what could I be missing out on?
Still, some may label or categorize us, even in our families. That's OK. We never have to take on someone's label of us. We are free to be. On a funny note, labels can come in handy, like on spice jars. I was making popcorn for my kids and grabbed cinnamon, instead of smoked paprika, when I had already added garlic powder and turmeric. I asked my older two to guess the secret ingredient and they guessed right, but they ate it anyway. It actually tasted good. Who knew?
Here's the story of me ending an argument with my teenage daughter, which is really funny on how she was labeling me.
"Nothing matters before this moment," I say, wanting to move on.
"Do you even here yourself? You sound like a 1-800 number, for a psychic hotline. Nothing matters before this moment," she said in a soft voice, poking fun at me.
I bursted out laughing.
"You're drinking the Kool-aid," she said.
"I'm not drinking anybodies Kool-aid." I said.
"You're making the Kool-aid," she said. I was still laughing and we had easily ended the argument.
No worries, I am not starting a cult. I want my kids to be free to think what they want and find their truth for themselves. Plus, teenagers are usually think there parents are weird, right? She teases me, but I don't mind, because we joke with each other all the time. I keep evolving how I parent and especially how I deal with conflict and problems. Damn those Moms, for being like a real actual person, and changing sometimes. LOL! And I will keep changing until the day I die. And as a parent, I can't label my kids as the smart one, or helpful one, or difficult one, even though it may seem like that. When we label them, we limit who they can be.
Do you ever find yourself saying this like:
I am not a great athlete so I am couldn't do...
I am not a good writer, so I can't...
I've never been patient so...
I'm not a nature person so...
I don't like to try new things so...
You may say these things in your head. but you see, everyday, you get a brand new chance to become a painter, because you have secretly always wanted to. Take a music lesson or whatever you have a little whisper in you heart is saying. Step out of your box and try something new.
Think about all the fun and possibilities, we miss out on, when we limit who we are. Luckily in this day and age, you can redefine yourself, as much as you want. If you got divorced, even into the last century, you were therefore labeled in a negative way. Look at how far we have come. Being out as a gay person was unheard of in the past. Now, there are new laws everyday that support civil rights for all. The world is so connected now by technology, especially the internet, that people from all over globe are getting to see past the labels, of where we come from. Labeling people by what country they live in seems so silly, since in the US, we are so diverse. I love to meet people different cultures, backgrounds because it's fascinating to hear people's stories. It expands my mind and I learn from every interaction. If I label them, closing myself off to them, what could I be missing out on?
Still, some may label or categorize us, even in our families. That's OK. We never have to take on someone's label of us. We are free to be. On a funny note, labels can come in handy, like on spice jars. I was making popcorn for my kids and grabbed cinnamon, instead of smoked paprika, when I had already added garlic powder and turmeric. I asked my older two to guess the secret ingredient and they guessed right, but they ate it anyway. It actually tasted good. Who knew?
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
I love looking in the mirror!
I do love looking at myself in the mirror, but this is about a different kind of mirror. Our relationships are our mirror, to truly see ourselves. When we are in our solitude, we gain peace, clarity, and insight. But if you really want to know about yourself, have relationships with lots of people. I don't mean be a hoochie, but rather be a spouse/partner/significant other, mom/dad, daughter/son, sister/brother, friend, co-worker, teacher, etc. Our relationships show us what we may want to work on, or what we would like to change, in ourselves, it's always about us. If you look outside yourself for love, peace, or happiness, you will always be at the mercy of outside forces. You can change any relationship, from within. It's all your perspective.
If you feel like you were someone's victim, that may be true...but you do not want to stay that. You are a powerful being, free from anyone else's influence, free from your past. No matter what the thing, that person did, the longer you dwell on it, the longer they still hurt you. You can imagine yourself cutting a cord that energetically attaches you and them together. You can write them a letter getting all of your pain out and then burn it. You can process why they did it, until the cows come home, but then it's about them. You can analyze your feelings to death or you can move on. Move on, because YOU are worth it.
If someone ticked you off or offends, look at your part, your reaction. What buttons does it press? What "issues" does it trigger? I had a friend, who I had known for over five years "unfriend" me on Facebook. Why? We know it's not because I write mean things. I guess we are not a match anymore. For a split second, I thought, what did I do wrong? Then I remember, nothing, being me is fabulous. Releasing the need to be right and not taking things personally frees you, from other's drama. If my Dad, or my daughter, say that I am wrong for thinking the way I do, or don't get me, it's an opportunity for me. For me to stand in my truth and be myself, loving myself totally. Regulating your thoughts and feeling is literally the key to your happiness.
If you feel someone doesn't make you happy, it's not their job. You are totally in charge of your happiness. If you say they don't love or accept me, and if they did, you would be happy-happier-feel good...you gave all your power away. Loving and accepting yourself improves your relationships more than anything. You set the tone, vibrationally with people, from within. I have learned this through my marriage. I have been married for fifteen years, since I was 19 years old. Many times, I would look to him to change, when it was really about me finding happiness inside myself. The happier I am, the better partner I make, for sure. I also can't be on a roller coaster of happiness/unhappiness by what one of my four kids is doing. Regardless of what carnival of craziness is going on in my house, my happy place really is within. Each of my children teach me different things, in how they challenge me. I think, Hmm....well here, I am letting go of needing to control, or needing someone to agree, or whatever it is.
My best advice with friendship break-ups, is to think of what you did like about them, and leave the rest of the crap alone. You can just have changed, grown apart,without having to make them bad or wrong. You don't want all those yucky feelings in your heart. If people don't like you, you have to adopt the "Oh well-whatever-who cares" attitude. You don't necessarily like everyone, or prefer their personality either. Resentment, past hurts, old stories, are the metaphoric baggage we choose to carry, or not. The past has past. Whatever someone did, made you feel like, or whatever, doesn't deserve space in your mind. Let go of it. Take it to a higher perspective. See them as a soul. It's way easier to forgive then.
If you see yourself repeating certain patterns with people, you can change it. If you find yourself playing victim, with your friends, spouse, the lady at the grocery store. Celebrate. You are getting a huge message loud and clear. And now you see, that you don't like it, so affirm, "I am a powerful being. I am in control of my own life. I have control over my thoughts, feelings, and actions." The more you focus on positive thoughts, letting go of crappy one, you will see this affirm is totally true. Now if you attract needy people, ask yourself why. Do you feel more valuable when people need you? Do you have the idea that all people do is take, take, take? Hello, victim again, just hiding in a different costume. Do you have a problem saying no, standing up for yourself, setting boundaries, you like to people please.? This is a worthiness thing. Feeling more worthy when you are a nice person, do good things, or when you give more than receive, is a trap. It is wonderful to give and be nice, I do all the time, but not at the expense of myself. If you are doing this not from your highest place, in your soul, you feel drained, and taken advantage of. If you think, well I should do it or what will people think if I don't do it...RED FLAG. Affirm: I am worthy because I exist. I am worthy of all good things. I am worthy because I am a wonderful human being. I am worthy because I am a Divine soul." Or make up your own affirmations, that feel good to you. There are great affirmations from Louise L. Hay, she is the Queen of Affirmations. See, all the things that you thought we bad about self, your issues, challenges, they aren't the end of the world. You are so powerful and you can change anything.
I can't live in a hut mediating all day, so I learn spiritually through being a Mom. and all the other brilliant things I am, right in New Jersey. I learn more everyday about myself and the world, through my experiences and relationships. Relationships are such a beautiful thing. The reflect back to us how we really feel inside and shine a light on how we really think. Use this to your benefit. The more you work on making yourself happy and loving yourself, the better you relationships get. And if they don't change much, you give it less energy, cause you choose YOU, over them. Always choose YOU and you will love everyone way more. Yay for you! Cheering, supporting, and believing in you always! :) Now go look in the mirror and blow yourself a kiss and say "I LOVE YOU!"
If you feel like you were someone's victim, that may be true...but you do not want to stay that. You are a powerful being, free from anyone else's influence, free from your past. No matter what the thing, that person did, the longer you dwell on it, the longer they still hurt you. You can imagine yourself cutting a cord that energetically attaches you and them together. You can write them a letter getting all of your pain out and then burn it. You can process why they did it, until the cows come home, but then it's about them. You can analyze your feelings to death or you can move on. Move on, because YOU are worth it.
If someone ticked you off or offends, look at your part, your reaction. What buttons does it press? What "issues" does it trigger? I had a friend, who I had known for over five years "unfriend" me on Facebook. Why? We know it's not because I write mean things. I guess we are not a match anymore. For a split second, I thought, what did I do wrong? Then I remember, nothing, being me is fabulous. Releasing the need to be right and not taking things personally frees you, from other's drama. If my Dad, or my daughter, say that I am wrong for thinking the way I do, or don't get me, it's an opportunity for me. For me to stand in my truth and be myself, loving myself totally. Regulating your thoughts and feeling is literally the key to your happiness.
If you feel someone doesn't make you happy, it's not their job. You are totally in charge of your happiness. If you say they don't love or accept me, and if they did, you would be happy-happier-feel good...you gave all your power away. Loving and accepting yourself improves your relationships more than anything. You set the tone, vibrationally with people, from within. I have learned this through my marriage. I have been married for fifteen years, since I was 19 years old. Many times, I would look to him to change, when it was really about me finding happiness inside myself. The happier I am, the better partner I make, for sure. I also can't be on a roller coaster of happiness/unhappiness by what one of my four kids is doing. Regardless of what carnival of craziness is going on in my house, my happy place really is within. Each of my children teach me different things, in how they challenge me. I think, Hmm....well here, I am letting go of needing to control, or needing someone to agree, or whatever it is.
My best advice with friendship break-ups, is to think of what you did like about them, and leave the rest of the crap alone. You can just have changed, grown apart,without having to make them bad or wrong. You don't want all those yucky feelings in your heart. If people don't like you, you have to adopt the "Oh well-whatever-who cares" attitude. You don't necessarily like everyone, or prefer their personality either. Resentment, past hurts, old stories, are the metaphoric baggage we choose to carry, or not. The past has past. Whatever someone did, made you feel like, or whatever, doesn't deserve space in your mind. Let go of it. Take it to a higher perspective. See them as a soul. It's way easier to forgive then.
If you see yourself repeating certain patterns with people, you can change it. If you find yourself playing victim, with your friends, spouse, the lady at the grocery store. Celebrate. You are getting a huge message loud and clear. And now you see, that you don't like it, so affirm, "I am a powerful being. I am in control of my own life. I have control over my thoughts, feelings, and actions." The more you focus on positive thoughts, letting go of crappy one, you will see this affirm is totally true. Now if you attract needy people, ask yourself why. Do you feel more valuable when people need you? Do you have the idea that all people do is take, take, take? Hello, victim again, just hiding in a different costume. Do you have a problem saying no, standing up for yourself, setting boundaries, you like to people please.? This is a worthiness thing. Feeling more worthy when you are a nice person, do good things, or when you give more than receive, is a trap. It is wonderful to give and be nice, I do all the time, but not at the expense of myself. If you are doing this not from your highest place, in your soul, you feel drained, and taken advantage of. If you think, well I should do it or what will people think if I don't do it...RED FLAG. Affirm: I am worthy because I exist. I am worthy of all good things. I am worthy because I am a wonderful human being. I am worthy because I am a Divine soul." Or make up your own affirmations, that feel good to you. There are great affirmations from Louise L. Hay, she is the Queen of Affirmations. See, all the things that you thought we bad about self, your issues, challenges, they aren't the end of the world. You are so powerful and you can change anything.
I can't live in a hut mediating all day, so I learn spiritually through being a Mom. and all the other brilliant things I am, right in New Jersey. I learn more everyday about myself and the world, through my experiences and relationships. Relationships are such a beautiful thing. The reflect back to us how we really feel inside and shine a light on how we really think. Use this to your benefit. The more you work on making yourself happy and loving yourself, the better you relationships get. And if they don't change much, you give it less energy, cause you choose YOU, over them. Always choose YOU and you will love everyone way more. Yay for you! Cheering, supporting, and believing in you always! :) Now go look in the mirror and blow yourself a kiss and say "I LOVE YOU!"
Saturday, January 21, 2012
C what I'm talkin' about!
I learn a lot from my children. I learn about myself in parenting them. I am blessed to have four kids, who keep me on my toes, and being me lots of joy. I have one daughter, McKayla, a fourteen year old, in her first year of high school. I have three sons, Aidan (10-5th grade), Finnegan (almost 5-preschool) and Seamus (2 yrs old today). I deal with different personalities and different ages, which all have their awesome parts and their...well, their opportunities for me to grow. I cannot control any of them, nor would I want to, except when they are bad. LOL! I see those places where I get frustrated and want to control, as a way for me to really let go. It really changes your state of mind. I wanted to share some of what I've been learning and realizing for myself. The Crappy C's and the Cool C's.
Crappy C's
Compare: Never compare yourself to others. It's a dumb game that you will lose to someone, in some area. I want my kids to learn that you really are running your OWN race, not against someone else. Ahhh...in my twenties, I compared myself to every other mother. This is the biggest energy drain. Just do YOU, do YOU good, and leave everyone else out of it. When you really work on loving yourself, you value yourself more, and don't need to make others, better or worse, than you. You realize you are free, to be you, and they are free, to be them.
Compete: When you are focused on how well someone else is doing, it may momentarily give you a boost to get your butt in gear, but then what...they go ahead of you, or someone else now is, and then you are back to square one. Let yourself shine, in your own way, doing your best and you will be happy because you are enjoying YOUR journey. I really do wish everyone well and that they have success, there is plenty to go around. I want my kids to realize that compare & compete are an evil duo, not to be messed with.
Control: My kids are so good at providing me with material to learn this one. Whether it is them, not listening/attitude/being kids, or your neighbor, brother, partner, friend, whoever, you CANNOT control anyone. When you are trying to force it, see what happens, when you let go. One of my sanity savers is sending Light & Love to whoever and it centers me. If I act like an ass and yell, I remind myself, that while that yields immediate results, in the process I felt bad. So what do I want...to feel good, or control/get my way/let others have the key to my happiness.
Complain: Where you ever listening to someone complain and thinking, I wish they would shut the hell up. Well, that's what you sound like you complain. It doesn't solve anything. Maybe for some, they get people to change behaviors, but going about it in a positive way, makes you feel a heck of a lot better, in the process. And if you observe people, you will see the Law of Attraction at work, in that if they constantly complain, they attract more to complain about. I have heard people complain about things, that I thought were good, it's all perspective. Like grocery shopping, I love having a variety to choose from and the money to pay for them. That makes it a totally different experience for me. It's the same with exercise and cooking, you can find they joy, cause why live on minute of your life, not trying to make the best of it.
Cool C's (Could be called Conscious C's also)
Cultivate: Create new way of thinking, more positive thoughts and lots of appreciation. New habits like meditation (one of the best things I ever did), a gratitude journal, and there are a million books of self-help, positive thinking, spirituality that can really change your life. Even if you replace some TV shows with funnier ones or really a juicy novel, or whatever brings you joy at the end of your day. Remember you can change your life by cultivating a new version of it. In my upbeat attitude, I show my kids how to cultivate a way of life.
Choose: We have many choices we take for granted. We get to choose what we eat, what we wear, what we read, watch on TV, who we hang out with, and what we think. Be choosy about your thoughts, Don't let a bunch of negative garbage play on a constant loop in your head. OK, so your boss is an ass, change jobs or change your attitude about him. You get to choose how you think, and if you don't like your negative thinking, cause you realize it's not working anymore, than you can choose to think positively. I teach my kids, that each one of us, can always choose differently, in each moment. And if you mess up, there is always next time.
Clarity: With each interaction we have, everything we see, read, hear we make judgements. We don't have to judge them as good or bad, but by rather if it feels good to us, resonates with us, works for us. We gain clarity everyday. I like that, I'd like more of that, I LOVE that! When we can detach a little and not take everything personally, we can see things much clearer. For me, clarity is not about figuring out everything, but a vibrational, spiritual, energy thing. When something makes my heart sing, touches my soul, and opens my mind more I gain so much clarity. I teach my kids that they make up their own minds and that it is up to each one of us, to decide what we believe. I can't give them or anyone clarity, I wouldn't wnat to rob them of their joyful journey.
Care: Take care of yourself. Take baths, move your body, eat delicious things, feed your soul with things that delight you. Care about how you feel about you. My message is always~LOVE YOURSELF! And you are so much more loving to everyone, when you have taken care of yourself. Don't expect yourself to be perfect and get down on yourself. Always forgive yourself for mistakes, the past is done, and now move forward. Only dwell on the positive. Every time I say I love you to my kids, I am building their self-esteem. I want them to know they are ROCKSTARS. How I treat myself, is what they learn about how to treat themselves. So, if you leave dishes in the sink, your playroom doesn't get leaned one day, you forgot it was show-and-tell day at school...oh well. It is OK. Feeling guilty is a waste, life is to be lived!
My goal everyday is to uplift and inspire, especially through my writing and blogging. I love to spread joy and remind others to love themselves. I aim to raise my vibration and deepen my connection to God/Source/Universe and have fun! You get to choose what works for you, isn't that awesome! Muah to ALL!
Crappy C's
Compare: Never compare yourself to others. It's a dumb game that you will lose to someone, in some area. I want my kids to learn that you really are running your OWN race, not against someone else. Ahhh...in my twenties, I compared myself to every other mother. This is the biggest energy drain. Just do YOU, do YOU good, and leave everyone else out of it. When you really work on loving yourself, you value yourself more, and don't need to make others, better or worse, than you. You realize you are free, to be you, and they are free, to be them.
Compete: When you are focused on how well someone else is doing, it may momentarily give you a boost to get your butt in gear, but then what...they go ahead of you, or someone else now is, and then you are back to square one. Let yourself shine, in your own way, doing your best and you will be happy because you are enjoying YOUR journey. I really do wish everyone well and that they have success, there is plenty to go around. I want my kids to realize that compare & compete are an evil duo, not to be messed with.
Control: My kids are so good at providing me with material to learn this one. Whether it is them, not listening/attitude/being kids, or your neighbor, brother, partner, friend, whoever, you CANNOT control anyone. When you are trying to force it, see what happens, when you let go. One of my sanity savers is sending Light & Love to whoever and it centers me. If I act like an ass and yell, I remind myself, that while that yields immediate results, in the process I felt bad. So what do I want...to feel good, or control/get my way/let others have the key to my happiness.
Complain: Where you ever listening to someone complain and thinking, I wish they would shut the hell up. Well, that's what you sound like you complain. It doesn't solve anything. Maybe for some, they get people to change behaviors, but going about it in a positive way, makes you feel a heck of a lot better, in the process. And if you observe people, you will see the Law of Attraction at work, in that if they constantly complain, they attract more to complain about. I have heard people complain about things, that I thought were good, it's all perspective. Like grocery shopping, I love having a variety to choose from and the money to pay for them. That makes it a totally different experience for me. It's the same with exercise and cooking, you can find they joy, cause why live on minute of your life, not trying to make the best of it.
Cool C's (Could be called Conscious C's also)
Cultivate: Create new way of thinking, more positive thoughts and lots of appreciation. New habits like meditation (one of the best things I ever did), a gratitude journal, and there are a million books of self-help, positive thinking, spirituality that can really change your life. Even if you replace some TV shows with funnier ones or really a juicy novel, or whatever brings you joy at the end of your day. Remember you can change your life by cultivating a new version of it. In my upbeat attitude, I show my kids how to cultivate a way of life.
Choose: We have many choices we take for granted. We get to choose what we eat, what we wear, what we read, watch on TV, who we hang out with, and what we think. Be choosy about your thoughts, Don't let a bunch of negative garbage play on a constant loop in your head. OK, so your boss is an ass, change jobs or change your attitude about him. You get to choose how you think, and if you don't like your negative thinking, cause you realize it's not working anymore, than you can choose to think positively. I teach my kids, that each one of us, can always choose differently, in each moment. And if you mess up, there is always next time.
Clarity: With each interaction we have, everything we see, read, hear we make judgements. We don't have to judge them as good or bad, but by rather if it feels good to us, resonates with us, works for us. We gain clarity everyday. I like that, I'd like more of that, I LOVE that! When we can detach a little and not take everything personally, we can see things much clearer. For me, clarity is not about figuring out everything, but a vibrational, spiritual, energy thing. When something makes my heart sing, touches my soul, and opens my mind more I gain so much clarity. I teach my kids that they make up their own minds and that it is up to each one of us, to decide what we believe. I can't give them or anyone clarity, I wouldn't wnat to rob them of their joyful journey.
Care: Take care of yourself. Take baths, move your body, eat delicious things, feed your soul with things that delight you. Care about how you feel about you. My message is always~LOVE YOURSELF! And you are so much more loving to everyone, when you have taken care of yourself. Don't expect yourself to be perfect and get down on yourself. Always forgive yourself for mistakes, the past is done, and now move forward. Only dwell on the positive. Every time I say I love you to my kids, I am building their self-esteem. I want them to know they are ROCKSTARS. How I treat myself, is what they learn about how to treat themselves. So, if you leave dishes in the sink, your playroom doesn't get leaned one day, you forgot it was show-and-tell day at school...oh well. It is OK. Feeling guilty is a waste, life is to be lived!
My goal everyday is to uplift and inspire, especially through my writing and blogging. I love to spread joy and remind others to love themselves. I aim to raise my vibration and deepen my connection to God/Source/Universe and have fun! You get to choose what works for you, isn't that awesome! Muah to ALL!
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Jolly joy
I first want to say, Happy Solstice, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanza, Merry Christmas, and for those who do not celebrate those...delicious December to you. I felt moved to write about the real meaning of Christmas, that magical Christmas spirit. It sounds cliche to some, but I love a good cliche, with cheesy goodness mixed in, when it fits. This morning, I decided to try to hunt for the elf on the shelf book, which my four year old has been bugging me about. He kept asking me, when the elf was going to come, since he heard about it at school. I had already looked for one at a store, but they didn't have it, so I figured we would have to wait until next year. I told him that maybe there were not enough elves this year. His response, "Mom, there are like twenty-one (like that's an astronomical number) and one might be in my head." LOL. Giving it another try, I called a store in town and they had it. My Mom picked it up for me, cause she's the best. I just love when things are easy. Finn was overjoyed when he saw the elf.
After we read the story, I cleaned up in the kitchen. Finn said, "Mom don't listen, I have to tell the elf something." And for those without small children, when they whisper, it's either is really loud, or so soft it's like gibberish. I heard him say to the elf, "Please make Christmas special of everyone." That, there, is my Christmas present. My heart is full. I told him that he made Christmas really special for me. And he said I made all the holidays special for him, even the scary one, like Halloween. In that moment, I realized a huge thing. I thought back to when I was in my twenties and felt like I was not a good enough mother, unless I could buy the right things, do traditions like other people did them, and all that crap. My Mom always gave me and my little sisters pins to wear, candy, and cards for every holiday. I thought if I did not do it that way, it would not be special. And some years, I couldn't buy certain things for my kids, or do all the holiday things other people did, like taking them to see Disney on Ice or go skiing. I felt like a failure and that my kids would feel deprived. This, my friends, was all in my mind. My kids always had so many wonderful things, we went to New York to see a holiday show, and went to Disney world several times. It was just me comparing my life to others and wasn't really seeing the beauty that there was. It was seeing what was going wrong and not what was going right.
Today, it really dawned on me, that what I give my kids, in the way of enthusiasm for the holidays means more than any trinket I could buy them. I do not remember all those little pins my Mom gave us for holidays, but I remember the decorations and the feeling. I am so glad she gave me that love for holidays and life. My kids will remember me playing Christmas music all the time, the cookie extravaganza, the Christmas movies, me wearing a Santa hat and being really excited about Christmas. They will remember the magical feeling, that, yes comes with awesome gifts. But they will not remember the gifts when they get older, but rather, that they felt loved and special. My older ones will tell stories of complaining about driving around to see Christmas lights, when they just wanted to go home. They will remember, somehow slowly Dad took over holiday decorating and he enjoys it, and since Mom was no longer a control freak, she let him have free reign. That he also would make foot prints from Santa and knock over stuff so it looked realistic. They will have pictures of all four kids wearing some sort of Christmas pajamas, since I gave up on the matching ones. And we are always starting new traditions. We might even do New Years cards this year, who knows?
Lesson is: Let yourself off the hook, of trying to be perfect, or do it how other people do it. I think every family can have their OWN traditions that are unique to them. Have fun, the holidays are suppose to be a merry time, so if something stresses you out, re-think it. Just because you always did something, doesn't mean you can't change it up. Make it easy and joyful and if you can't change it, change you attitude about it. If you can't stand having to buy gifts for all these people, think about how awesome it is, that you have the money to buy the stuff. Count your blessings, you will truly feel the Christmas spirit then. Love to all!!! I wish I could send you all a cookie. I make the BEST chocolate chip cookies. I am calling them Jennylicious Joy cookies. Carry on with the merriment, my friends. :)
After we read the story, I cleaned up in the kitchen. Finn said, "Mom don't listen, I have to tell the elf something." And for those without small children, when they whisper, it's either is really loud, or so soft it's like gibberish. I heard him say to the elf, "Please make Christmas special of everyone." That, there, is my Christmas present. My heart is full. I told him that he made Christmas really special for me. And he said I made all the holidays special for him, even the scary one, like Halloween. In that moment, I realized a huge thing. I thought back to when I was in my twenties and felt like I was not a good enough mother, unless I could buy the right things, do traditions like other people did them, and all that crap. My Mom always gave me and my little sisters pins to wear, candy, and cards for every holiday. I thought if I did not do it that way, it would not be special. And some years, I couldn't buy certain things for my kids, or do all the holiday things other people did, like taking them to see Disney on Ice or go skiing. I felt like a failure and that my kids would feel deprived. This, my friends, was all in my mind. My kids always had so many wonderful things, we went to New York to see a holiday show, and went to Disney world several times. It was just me comparing my life to others and wasn't really seeing the beauty that there was. It was seeing what was going wrong and not what was going right.
Today, it really dawned on me, that what I give my kids, in the way of enthusiasm for the holidays means more than any trinket I could buy them. I do not remember all those little pins my Mom gave us for holidays, but I remember the decorations and the feeling. I am so glad she gave me that love for holidays and life. My kids will remember me playing Christmas music all the time, the cookie extravaganza, the Christmas movies, me wearing a Santa hat and being really excited about Christmas. They will remember the magical feeling, that, yes comes with awesome gifts. But they will not remember the gifts when they get older, but rather, that they felt loved and special. My older ones will tell stories of complaining about driving around to see Christmas lights, when they just wanted to go home. They will remember, somehow slowly Dad took over holiday decorating and he enjoys it, and since Mom was no longer a control freak, she let him have free reign. That he also would make foot prints from Santa and knock over stuff so it looked realistic. They will have pictures of all four kids wearing some sort of Christmas pajamas, since I gave up on the matching ones. And we are always starting new traditions. We might even do New Years cards this year, who knows?
Lesson is: Let yourself off the hook, of trying to be perfect, or do it how other people do it. I think every family can have their OWN traditions that are unique to them. Have fun, the holidays are suppose to be a merry time, so if something stresses you out, re-think it. Just because you always did something, doesn't mean you can't change it up. Make it easy and joyful and if you can't change it, change you attitude about it. If you can't stand having to buy gifts for all these people, think about how awesome it is, that you have the money to buy the stuff. Count your blessings, you will truly feel the Christmas spirit then. Love to all!!! I wish I could send you all a cookie. I make the BEST chocolate chip cookies. I am calling them Jennylicious Joy cookies. Carry on with the merriment, my friends. :)
Monday, November 14, 2011
Rock on with your true self!
What do you want? Why? How will that make you feel? Asking myself that, I thought I would feel better about myself if others thought I was really great. That's not giving any power away, is it? Try all of it! People are going to think what they want, which has nothing to do with you, you can't climb in their head and change it. In feeling good about myself, that would make me happy. Not the cycle of...I am happy, now I am mad, I am mad, I am OK, dependent on outside circumstances. You cannot control what others do, even your kids, they are not robots. And some people will think you are a good parent if you do it their way and a bad parent if you don't. Staying out of other people's parenting really frees up time, for sure. I can have an opinion about it, but I don't have to share it. My experience with parenting is, you change your mind, revise rules, you make mistakes, so it's hard to really stand on a soap box too long. Funny thing is, in some way I was always going against the grain with parenting, like sharing a bed with baby, making them vegetarians, etc. I was getting judged and I hated it. Just smile, laugh, and walk away...it throws them off.
Some people declare, "I don't care what the hell anyone thinks." And you totally do not believe them. They say it as a defense. It's really hard to not care at ALL, totally detached. You are going to be too much for some and not enough for others. I sure am. And I can say I don't care, most of the time. I tried to be one size fits all, which is impossible. In writing my novel, some people will love it, some will not. It is preference and I didn't write it for everyone. Some people would rather read about bugs and isn't it great they have that option. If I did not start thinking differently, I would have never stepped out of my comfort zone and wrote a book. Never in a million years, would i have thought I would make rap videos on youtube. I am just being myself now, however that leads me, and it is so exciting. My ego will chime in with some fun thoughts like what would so and so think. Well, so and so can think I am whatever they want. I am not living so and so's life. Thank God. Cause I would suck at being them. I am a real good me. And ultimately, that's all that matters. And it you don't like it, oh well. ;)
Don't let others define or put you in a box. And don't do that to yourself. If you feel inspired to do or be something, go for it. Never fall for the, "Moms can't do that or I'm too old. to do that." Who says? Not so and so again!!!
This is a post on my facebook page, that goes along perfectly with this. I am talking to YOU directly! ROCK ON!!! https://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Peace-Love-Joy-Sparkles/122323451185965
“You are one of a kind, an authentic masterpiece, a genuine original, a unique and special individual! Doesn't that feel WONDERFUL! That also means that you are to follow your own path, not concerned with what others think. They are steering their own ship, you steer yours. BE YOU! The way you, or others, may have defined you, or labeled you, is OVA!!! OVER, DONE, FINITO! If you feel that you were put in a box by others or you did it to yourself, now you know better. YOU ARE FREE! Well, at my age, or Moms can't do that, what would people think...BLAH x 3. What "they" think is none of your beeswax anyway. Don't give other people power over you. No excuses to not living your life for YOU. And when you are a happy, fulfilled, secure person, your relationships are amazingly deep. Remember this is YOUR life and YOU ARE FREAKING AMAZING! Now act like it! ;) xoxo”
Sunday, October 30, 2011
What do you want?
Like the Spice Girls song goes, "So tell me whatcha want, what you really, really want....?" I have always observed myself, which drove me mad for many years. But being aware of your thoughts, holds the key. When you really ask yourself what you want, it opens up the energy. People say, I want to be rich or thin, those are external things. They can bring you happiness, but it is said whether someone wins the lottery or is paralyzed, they go back to their natural happiness level eventually. This makes total sense because happiness is a state of mind. Often we focus on what we don't want, rather than what we do want. Saying that I want others to treat me better, or be nicer, gives all your power away. And really, are you always to them, if you are talking behind their back, about how mean they are. They are showing up how you think they will. How often do you generalize, saying they are always mean to me. I caught myself doing that with my teenage daughter, saying you always or you never. I apologized and said that I would not generalize like that. Relationships have the power to teach us about ourselves. I would say that I wanted peace in our home but then if someone acted a way that I did not like, I didn't let it go right away. That was all ego-I need to be right-I am a victim. Peace has to trump ego's needs. When you decide you make your own happiness, you don't play victim, and if you catch yourself doing it...you STOP.
If you have the power to create the life you want, which you do, what would it look like? What do you want? I want to be rich! Well, me, I'm already rich. Feel what that feels like to say that, "I AM RICH!" To someone, you already are. But what would that make you feel, because it is all about what you want to feel. For some, it may be security, to me it means freedom. I love picturing myself jetting off somewhere, buying sparkly things, and helping people in many ways. It would be FUN. Fun & Freedom is what it means to me. If you are doing it to impress others or anything like that, it is about feeling good about yourself. I love seeing how our thinking can shift. We can shift our thinking, perspective, and focus on different things. This changes everything. You can't be afraid to look within. you are a beautiful being, without all the ego crap. Let that real YOU out, let him/her shine.
In asking yourself, "WHAT DO I WANT?"
1. I want more fun-so then so more fun things. If you intend to have fun and allow yourself to jump at the opportunities, and enjoy it, the Universe will yield to that. But ask, am I a fun person, maybe you need to lighten up. Start by dancing around your house. ;)
2. I want a great relationship. This applies whether you are in one or not. Focus on your happiness, no one else can give you that. If single-Enjoy your life, talk about people that have good relationships, and make a list of what kind of person you would like (go general). If in relationship you would like to improve-talk about what you like about your partner, let go of the past (start fresh), be nice to them, and make yourself happy. It sounds simple but when relationship are rocky, past dramas get brought up and the energy is yucky.
3. I want to be thinner, have a better body. Now, ask why do you want that? So others will think you are desirable, sexy, whatever. You are enough, you are worthy, you are wanted. Own that first. If your motives are about others, you give your power away and it will never be enough. You will never be filled up enough by others. If you want to feel better about you, for yourself, start loving yourself NOW. Talk nice to yourself, post affirmations everywhere, and honor your body. You body is an freaking, amazing, miraculous creation. And stop the judgement of yourself and others, just let it go when it pops up.
There are many more examples I could use but the point it, it's about thoughts and feelings and you have the power to change. Having studied the Law of Attraction and implemented it in my life, doesn't mean you are like a Stepford wife. I promise, you can still curse and drink wine. When you do start thinking differently, being the majority of your thoughts being positive, you attract more good thoughts. Isn't that cool? It means your head is in the clouds with rose-colored sunglasses on, looking at the bright side, drinking from a glass half full. Why wait and be happy later? When this, or that shows up, or goes away, or changes. To me, drama is stressful, to some it's exciting, where as being like me would be boring. Inner peace is bliss and anything but boring. You may still get annoyed, but it's the way you handle it, you don't dwell on it, or EVER live in the past. It's all about energy, baby! What energy are you putting out there, playing in, and vibrating. And biggest thing I want to remind you is, you cannot worry about what others will think. That is a life not lived. Be bold in who you are, even if that is a quiet book worm. Live YOUR life! I wish all of all all your heart's desires!!!
P.S. (as in Pretty Sexy-lol) If any of you are interested in changing you life, check out Oprah's Life class. It validates a lot for me and I've a gotten a few gems. I don't have to agree with everything either but positive TV rocks!
P.P.S. (Perfect Priceless Self-ahh yeah) If you want success, in business, it can be epic and rewarding, but it can't define you. You are an infinite being (soul), in a body, you are not a job title or label. That puts you in a box and then when you are not that, then you lose you you thought you were. Be fabulous! Lovies!
If you have the power to create the life you want, which you do, what would it look like? What do you want? I want to be rich! Well, me, I'm already rich. Feel what that feels like to say that, "I AM RICH!" To someone, you already are. But what would that make you feel, because it is all about what you want to feel. For some, it may be security, to me it means freedom. I love picturing myself jetting off somewhere, buying sparkly things, and helping people in many ways. It would be FUN. Fun & Freedom is what it means to me. If you are doing it to impress others or anything like that, it is about feeling good about yourself. I love seeing how our thinking can shift. We can shift our thinking, perspective, and focus on different things. This changes everything. You can't be afraid to look within. you are a beautiful being, without all the ego crap. Let that real YOU out, let him/her shine.
In asking yourself, "WHAT DO I WANT?"
1. I want more fun-so then so more fun things. If you intend to have fun and allow yourself to jump at the opportunities, and enjoy it, the Universe will yield to that. But ask, am I a fun person, maybe you need to lighten up. Start by dancing around your house. ;)
2. I want a great relationship. This applies whether you are in one or not. Focus on your happiness, no one else can give you that. If single-Enjoy your life, talk about people that have good relationships, and make a list of what kind of person you would like (go general). If in relationship you would like to improve-talk about what you like about your partner, let go of the past (start fresh), be nice to them, and make yourself happy. It sounds simple but when relationship are rocky, past dramas get brought up and the energy is yucky.
3. I want to be thinner, have a better body. Now, ask why do you want that? So others will think you are desirable, sexy, whatever. You are enough, you are worthy, you are wanted. Own that first. If your motives are about others, you give your power away and it will never be enough. You will never be filled up enough by others. If you want to feel better about you, for yourself, start loving yourself NOW. Talk nice to yourself, post affirmations everywhere, and honor your body. You body is an freaking, amazing, miraculous creation. And stop the judgement of yourself and others, just let it go when it pops up.
There are many more examples I could use but the point it, it's about thoughts and feelings and you have the power to change. Having studied the Law of Attraction and implemented it in my life, doesn't mean you are like a Stepford wife. I promise, you can still curse and drink wine. When you do start thinking differently, being the majority of your thoughts being positive, you attract more good thoughts. Isn't that cool? It means your head is in the clouds with rose-colored sunglasses on, looking at the bright side, drinking from a glass half full. Why wait and be happy later? When this, or that shows up, or goes away, or changes. To me, drama is stressful, to some it's exciting, where as being like me would be boring. Inner peace is bliss and anything but boring. You may still get annoyed, but it's the way you handle it, you don't dwell on it, or EVER live in the past. It's all about energy, baby! What energy are you putting out there, playing in, and vibrating. And biggest thing I want to remind you is, you cannot worry about what others will think. That is a life not lived. Be bold in who you are, even if that is a quiet book worm. Live YOUR life! I wish all of all all your heart's desires!!!
P.S. (as in Pretty Sexy-lol) If any of you are interested in changing you life, check out Oprah's Life class. It validates a lot for me and I've a gotten a few gems. I don't have to agree with everything either but positive TV rocks!
P.P.S. (Perfect Priceless Self-ahh yeah) If you want success, in business, it can be epic and rewarding, but it can't define you. You are an infinite being (soul), in a body, you are not a job title or label. That puts you in a box and then when you are not that, then you lose you you thought you were. Be fabulous! Lovies!
Monday, September 19, 2011
Bake a cake!
Looking at my facebook newsfeed or yahoo page, I am reminded of other people's reality, thoughts, and feelings. I LOVE metaphors so what came to mind is that life is cake. People say, Life's a piece of cake, right? They say, there are many ways to bake a cake. Now, really if we treated other people's life choices the same way as how they bake their cake, we would have less judgment. You wouldn't really care if they like vanilla, chocolate, or sprinkles mixed in. My mind was full of ideas about this like: Some like low-fat, no-fat, decadent, rich, simple, store bought, from scratch, easy way, complicated, multi-layer, with many toppings, and you could go on FOREVER! When you look at the choices people make, you don't have to have an opinion on all of them. it doesn't have to do with you. Let them have their cake. Some of them won't even eat it. LOL! You know, having your cake and eating it too. My friend, Cheryl Jones, say "Having your cake and eating it too, one delicious bite at a time." Isn't that yummy? She loves to savor every bit of loveliness in her life and cake. While others just want to bake as many damn cakes, as they can, without even tasting the flavors. With my children, I would not make them like plain vanilla cake, with buttercream frosting, if they like double-devil-decadent-delicious chocolate cake. Which they all like the richest chocolate and most of the time wear most of the cake also. And like cake, they get to choose their interests. I feed them, love, them, guide them, but I do not want to tell them what to like or think. I lead by example and they will learn by my vibes, not my words as much. They see a Mommy who loves life and tries to raise her vibes even higher everyday, who has fun everyday doing it. If I mess up, I get over it. If they mess up, we get over it, quick. My oldest, who is fourteen, has seen me go through my twenties. I always tell her she was my experiment. I just adore her. I love watching her grow into this amazing, confident, smart, sassy lady. I give her room to grow. I can give her my recipe for cake but ultimately she is going to choose her cake and how she is going to bake it.
Now I want cake! If I was a cake, I would be red velvet with some chocolate chips on top. have a delicious life and enjoy your cake. Remember, other people's cake is their cake and if they choose to share it with you, tell them their cake is great. Lovies to all, with sprinkles on top!
Now I want cake! If I was a cake, I would be red velvet with some chocolate chips on top. have a delicious life and enjoy your cake. Remember, other people's cake is their cake and if they choose to share it with you, tell them their cake is great. Lovies to all, with sprinkles on top!
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