Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Intention is everything!

I have often felt and been misunderstood in my life.  It can be frustrating, but it reminds you to look within and to ask what your intention is.  I know that looking back, I understand people now that I didn't understand before.  Life has a way of teaching you, so you can grow and bloom into a fuller you.  Looking back, I remember feeling very misunderstood when I became a vegetarian around twelve or thirteen.  Some people would get angry and defensive at my choice.  I never said everyone should be a vegetarian.  I just didn't like the taste, the texture, or the thought of it.  I know people thought I was weird.   Still do.  ;)  My Mom was so supportive and never once tried to make me eat meat ever again.  She's one who has not always understood my choices, but totally honored them and loved me.  I often have chosen the road less traveled, in my thinking, parenting, spirituality, etc.  The interesting thing about the people who I angered with my food choices is that my intention was to do what felt right for me.  I knew in my heart that my choice was right.  I think the perception was that I thought they were wrong.  I don't have to think "they" are wrong, but that it is "wrong" for me.  I may not understand them either, not even just their food preferences, but also their judgy behavior...which I don't have to!  YAY!   I chose to respect others.  That works for me.  Some may have thought I had the thinking that I was better than them because of being a vegetarian, which is so not true. I don't think I'm better than anyone.  I don't play that game. 

Self love is something I understand now that I did not in the past.  Years ago, if I saw someone really confident, flaunting how beautiful they are, I may feel threatened and jealous.  If I personally knew them, I hope I wouldn't be, but my own insecurity probably would have compared myself to them and had to make them "wrong" to feel better.  I would have labeled them as narcissistic.  Which is BS because I don't know their intention.  Maybe they just like the way they look and they are proud of themselves.  It DOES NOT make them narcissistic.  That's a funny word to me because it means self-love but to excess, that you lack empathy for others, and you think you are more important than others.  Well, how the hell would I know what others think anyway?  If someone loves themselves from the place of ego, it's not love.  If they LOVE themselves from their true self, they radiate something special.  You are attracted to them.  Confidence really is sexy.  I love being secure within myself that I applaud others, cheering them one.  When someone feels good about themselves, I literally could cry tears of joy, because it's such a beautiful thing.  And I know if they truly love themselves, they have so much love for others. I know people may not understand my self-love journey and why I am the way I am. I'm okay with that. I still love me and I'm gonna shout it from the rooftops to inspire others. And I'll still cheer the haters on.  They may think...who do I think I am?  I'm  me.  (Another inspiration from Oprah-who I feel is a friend even though we never met.)

So the lesson I learned is people don't have to "get" you.  Some will NEVER understand you. When they question, challenge, or judge you...look within.  Focus on your intention.  My intention in any conflict with anyone is for peace and to come from love.  This is a challenge, but I'll keep at it.  Understanding yourself is the most wonderful feeling ever.  That's what really matters.  You know who you are.  And some will never really know you.  So stop trying to get them to like, get, understand, approve, know, love, or accept you.  Their lens, perspective, understanding and life is just different than yours.  Don't take it personally.  Just LOVE YOU.  Send them love on a spiritual level.  And keep doin' your thing!  Blessings! 

Relationships are what you make 'em!

If you want any relationship to improve, improve the way you think about it, talk about it, and look at it. Stop focusing on what they don't do, what they do wrong, what they need to change in order to make you happy. Obviously, if they are abusive, kick 'em to the curb. I'm talkin' about with our partners, friends, kids, parents, siblings, whoever. If you internally focus on YOUR OWN HAPPINESS, I promise you that those little things that annoy you seem to fade away. Not to sound morbid, but when I started thinking about how different it would be if I knew that either one of us was dying...BOY, do you appreciate and honor that person more. YOU have the power to improve your relationships. 
 With your partner especially, cause why not have the best relationship you can, in every way, on every level. If you want them to be more romantic or appreciative of you, be more romantic and appreciative of them. Love them the way they want to be loved. If you withhold love, you punish yourself. If you feel shy about telling them how much you love them, write them a note, give them a card, text them. Do this without any expectation. Do not judge how they react. Some people just can't say all those mushy things but show their love in other ways. You CAN reinvent a relationship. Put the spice back in it. Fall in love with them again. Recommit to one another. Ask them what they'd like to improve and listen with an open heart. If you want to deeply connected to them, let them see you love them unconditionally, and be their safe place to come home to, where they can be themselves. And for your own good: Let go of the "you never, you always, what can't you, you're not" and all that past stuff you say to them when you're hurt. If you want to look forward to a beautiful future together, let go of the past. And never be afraid to say I'm sorry or I love you. Happy relationships to all.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Realtionships ROCK!

All of our relationships teach us about ourselves.  Our romantic partners, children, parents, siblings, friends, coworkers, and our adversaries all bring up and point out our "stuff."  Our closest relationships have the potential to really help us grow and become more of who were truly are.  Sounds like woo woo to you, that's fine.  If everyone in your life pisses you off, pushes your buttons, makes you angry, and you want to feel better...then suspend your old way of thinking for a minute.  You see, these triggers are a gift.  They don't feel like it, but they can be.  These are  opportunities to look within and ask yourself lots of questions:

~Why do I get so ANGRY when people don't agree, validate, or make me happy by what they are doing?  (Often with our children, coworkers, partners, etc...whatever situations make you really mad.)  It's a chance to let go of the need to control others and find peace within ourselves, no matter what someone else is doing. 

~When my feelings get HURT from someone not including me, insulting me, or my partner/friend/parent/whoever not giving me enough attention...what is this bringing up for me to heal?  (Whatever triggers make you feel wounded is the key here.)  Your past feelings from when you were picked last in gym class come up at times like this. 

~Whenever you go into the dynamic of blame and victim, stop for a second.  Listen to what you are saying and thinking.  "They always do this.  Everyone does this to me.  Whatever I do is never enough for you.  You make me so mad.  All you ever do is take, take, take.  You're so mean to me.  You never do it right."  Sometimes we have a habit of saying the same things often to people or thinking them.  This is a great time to journal or take a piece of paper out to find out what else is going on.  You can:  A.  Write down what you want to feel.  What you want, instead of what's going on.  B. Write down all the times you can think of where you felt this way.  It helps heal, when you deal.  C.  Write down how you could possibly say, do, or think of the situation or person differently.   

Avoiding people and situations can work for a little while, but eventually you'll encounter people...unless you hide away in a hut somewhere, which I certainly did not come here for.  I came here to learn, grow, enjoy, teach, and so many other things.  What works for me is to be honest with myself.  I don't have to necessarily tell they other person they upset me.  It can create unnecessary drama.  There intention may be good, but you have a negative reaction because it's about YOU.  Isn't that awesome!  Everyone doesn't have to change in order for you to be happy!  This is where my four children give me countless times a day to do my internal work so I can experience more joy.  As always, do what works for you.  Setting intentions, forgiving, letting go, blessing others, Law of Attraction, self-growth, sending love & light, healing energy, new agey-woo woo stuff continues to change my life.  So I'm gonna keep on keepin' on!  And remember...No one can "make" you feel bad or mad.  What they do or say has no power over you.   You are way more powerful that that.  You have a choice always.  Blessings!