Wednesday, February 15, 2012

I love looking in the mirror!

I do love looking at myself in the mirror, but this is about a different kind of mirror.  Our relationships are our mirror, to truly see ourselves.  When we are in our solitude, we gain peace, clarity, and insight.  But if you really want to know about yourself, have relationships with lots of people.  I don't mean be a hoochie, but rather be a spouse/partner/significant other, mom/dad, daughter/son, sister/brother, friend, co-worker, teacher, etc.  Our relationships show us what we may want to work on, or what we would like to change, in ourselves, it's always about us.  If you look outside yourself for love, peace, or happiness, you will always be at the mercy of outside forces.  You can change any relationship, from within.  It's all your perspective. 

If you feel like you were someone's victim, that may be true...but you do not want to stay that.  You are a powerful being, free from anyone else's influence, free from your past.  No matter what the thing, that person did, the longer you dwell on it, the longer they still hurt you.  You can imagine yourself cutting a cord that energetically attaches you and them together.  You can write them a letter getting all of your pain out and then burn it.  You can process why they did it, until the cows come home, but  then it's about them.  You can analyze your feelings to death or you can move on.  Move on, because YOU are worth it. 

If someone ticked you off or offends, look at your part, your reaction.  What buttons does it press?  What "issues" does it trigger?  I had a friend, who I had known for over five years "unfriend" me on Facebook.  Why?  We know it's not because I write mean things.  I guess we are not a match anymore.  For a split second, I thought, what did I do wrong?  Then I remember, nothing, being me is fabulous.  Releasing the need to be right and not taking things personally frees you, from other's drama.  If my Dad, or my daughter, say that I am wrong for thinking the way I do, or don't get me, it's an opportunity for me.  For me to stand in my truth and be myself, loving myself totally.  Regulating your thoughts and feeling is literally the key to your happiness. 
If you feel someone doesn't make you happy, it's not their job.  You are totally in charge of your happiness.  If you say they don't love or accept me, and if they did, you would be happy-happier-feel gave all your power away.  Loving and accepting yourself improves your relationships more than anything.  You set the tone, vibrationally with people, from within.  I have learned this through my marriage.  I have been married for fifteen years, since I was 19 years old.  Many times, I would look to him to change, when it was really about me finding happiness inside myself.  The happier I am, the better partner I make, for sure.  I also can't be on a roller coaster of happiness/unhappiness by what one of my four kids is doing.  Regardless of what carnival of craziness is going on in my house, my happy place really is within.  Each of my children teach me different things, in how they challenge me.  I think, Hmm....well here, I am letting go of needing to control, or needing someone to agree, or whatever it is.  

My best advice with friendship break-ups, is to think of what you did like about them, and leave the rest of the crap alone.  You can just have changed, grown apart,without having to make them bad or wrong.  You don't want all those yucky feelings in your heart.  If people don't like you, you have to adopt the "Oh well-whatever-who cares" attitude.  You don't necessarily like everyone, or prefer their personality either.  Resentment, past hurts, old stories, are the metaphoric baggage we choose to carry, or not.  The past has past.  Whatever someone did, made you feel like, or whatever, doesn't deserve space in your mind.  Let go of it.  Take it to a higher perspective.  See them as a soul.  It's way easier to forgive then. 

If you see yourself repeating certain patterns with people, you can change it.  If you find yourself playing victim, with your friends, spouse, the lady at the grocery store.  Celebrate.  You are getting a huge message loud and clear.  And now you see, that you don't like it, so affirm, "I am a powerful being.  I am in control of my own life.  I have control over my thoughts, feelings, and actions."  The more you focus on positive thoughts, letting go of crappy one, you will see this affirm is totally true.  Now if you attract needy people, ask yourself why.  Do you feel more valuable when people need you?  Do you have the idea that all people do is take, take, take? Hello, victim again, just hiding in a different costume.  Do you have a problem saying no, standing up for yourself, setting boundaries, you like to people please.?  This is a worthiness thing.  Feeling more worthy when you are a nice person, do good things, or when you give more than receive, is a trap.  It is wonderful to give and be nice, I do all the time, but not at the expense of myself.  If you are doing this not from your highest place, in your soul, you feel drained, and taken advantage of.  If you think, well I should do it or what will people think if I don't do it...RED FLAG.  Affirm:  I am worthy because I exist.  I am worthy of all good things.  I am worthy because I am a wonderful human being.  I am worthy because I am a Divine soul."  Or make up your own affirmations, that feel good to you.  There are great affirmations from Louise L.  Hay, she is the Queen of Affirmations.  See, all the things that you thought we bad about self, your issues, challenges, they aren't the end of the world.  You are so powerful and you can change anything. 

I can't live in a hut mediating all day, so I learn spiritually through being a Mom. and all the other brilliant things I am, right in New Jersey.  I learn more everyday about myself and the world, through my experiences and relationships. Relationships are such a beautiful thing.  The reflect back to us how we really feel inside and shine a light on how we really think.  Use this to your benefit.  The more you work on making yourself happy and loving yourself, the better you relationships get.  And if they don't change much, you give it less energy, cause you choose YOU, over them.  Always choose YOU and you will love everyone way more.  Yay for you!  Cheering, supporting, and believing in you always!  :)  Now go look in the mirror and blow yourself a kiss and say "I LOVE YOU!"

Sunday, February 5, 2012

FREE to be Queen B!

Queen Bee is a term used to describe the "it" girl, that other girls follow.  It's her confident energy that people are attracted to.  People see something in her, that they want to be.  Dressing like her, acting like her, or listening to her, can make them feel good, for a little while.  We've all gotten swept up in someone else's energy, even through boyfriends, or a group of people, like in a club.  Eventually, you realize that you are not really being you and want to be free.  That feeling of really being yourself, is the ultimate freedom.  As adults, we may even see celebrities, TV personalities, or spiritual gurus that seem to have it all, and we want what they are having.  But really, we can't.  We are not meant to be like anyone else.  And you want to feel, what it looks like they are feeling.  So decide to feel that NOW.  Practice feeling confident, sexy, carefree, smart, sassy, or whatever you want to be and BE it.  Also surround yourself with people who honor your uniqueness and are not threatened by you being different than them, is true friendship.  And we make the best friends, when we know and love ourselves.

I am my own Queen B now, but I remember floundering around, when I was younger, always feeling like a fish out of water.  It's cause I was really a mermaid.  :)  Thankfully I figured that out and embrace my true nature. But when I was in maybe fourth grade, I thought my friend was super-duper-cool and she said she liked this one TVshow.  I said that I did too, but I actually had never even heard of it. She was saying to her brother, remember that episode where...and they asked if I saw it.  I said yes.  They said that they had made it up.  I felt so dumb.  This scenario sounds like an episode off of a kid's show nowadays, teaching kids to not be a follower.  I see so many beautiful lessons I have had that led me to this very moment.  We learn through our experiences, if we are aware of ourselves, and life gets so much easier and way better. 

I went through cycles of being a follower, a leader, a hater, an appreciator, an envious-jealous-meany, a loving-supportive-uplifter, and more, when I was growing up.  When I was really truly being me, I had a blast, laughing and acting like a complete goof.  It wasn't really until after I turned thirty that I can really truly say that I really knew who I was.  I let myself be ME.  I let myself be FREE to be my own Queen B.  The B, for me, is beauty, blessings, bliss, bling, bootylicious, babies, bubbles, and soon lots of brouhaha.  I dream big for me and I wish well for all, because I know there is no competition.  When I really let myself be my sparkly Queen B self, I saw the possibilities were endless and decided what I wanted for me.  I stepped outside my own box and realized I am so much more than I ever knew and I could do anything, like write a book.  And I want my friends and everyone to succeed in ever way, to be happy, and to BE themselves.  We all have the power within us to be Queen B, of our own lives, creating what we want and living deliciously, fabulously, & happily after all.  We can all be Queen B, isn't that freeing!  Be ridiculously amazingly YOU!

This is dedicated to my BFF, Shannon, who I have always been myself with, and we have always loved and supported each other.  The very first time that we hung out, we were laughing so hard, we couldn't breathe.  There has never been any competition, we were more like the kind of Bees that like flowers, honey, and just flying around, not needing to be boss.  I am so blessed and lucky to know her, since we were in seventh grade, and watch her become this amazing woman and wonderful mother.  We are each other's biggest cheerleaders and we are going places, Baby!  My wish for you all is to have a friend like her and to be yourself, Queen B's!!!