Sexy is not a bad word!

The whole sexuality/sensuality has gotten a really bad rap and has many confused.  For a certain time in my early twenties, I was heavier than I am now.  I didn’t feel sexy.  People just treated me normal.  By the time I turned twenty-seven I had lost over fifty pounds.  Both men and women treated me differently.  It was awkward.  I dressed differently.  My clothes were more form-fitting.  I could tell some of my female friends at the time didn’t like it.  Some were supportive though and I’ll always appreciate that.  Even going into to get a cup of coffee at the convenience store I would see some men stare at me.  It made me feel good sometimes.  It made me feel disgusting other times.  Like I wanted to wear a big parka over my clothes and hide.  I was an object and it felt like my sexuality was a public thing or something.  It like I was in brand-new skin and I didn’t know what to do with it.


Fast forward to age thirty-five, I celebrate my sexuality and am not afraid of being sexy.  I’m comfortable being me.  I am sexy.  I am a happily married woman and I can dress however I want.  This doesn’t make you easy, loose, a hoochie mama, a tramp, a slut, or a ho.  This idea that you have to not be sexy in order for men to not objectify you is bullshit.  Sorry, I get to define myself and my life on my terms.  I make up my own rules.  Other women’s beauty or sexiness have nothing to do with me.  I’m not in competition with them.  I want them to celebrate themselves, love everything about themselves, and have a wonderful sex life.  It doesn’t matter what you weigh, what your ethnicity is, or how “culturally” beautiful you are.  We can all be sexy, if we feel it inside.  We are sexual beings. There’s no need to shut that down.  Some people choose to be super private about it.  I honor everyone’s choices.  I love choices.  I get to rock a leopard bikini post it on Facebook, while someone else can just post pictures of their cat.  It’s all good.  I’m not more sexy than them, I’m just loud and proud about it.  I will not hide.  I will not be ashamed of my sexuality or my beautiful body.  If men or women appreciate my picture or me on the beach in a bikini, that’s cool.  But really, it doesn’t matter.  I live for me, not so others will say I’m thin, sexy, look great or that I’m beautiful.  It’s my job to tell myself that.  Being sexy is just one aspect of me.

If people get the wrong idea of me based upon a picture of me, that’s on them.  I know that people get upset when women are objectified.  They’re getting messages from magazines, the media, and the porn industry that they have to be sexy to be valued.  I totally understand that.  But there is not one type of sexy.  And it can be defined as provoking or intended to provoke sexual interest.  Or as feeling sexual interest; aroused.  And also as interesting, exciting, or trendy.  Does that sound so terrible?  Not to me.  To me, it’s a vibe that people give of.  It’s an aliveness.  A vibrancy that doesn’t have to do with what they’re wearing, but rather their energy.  I’ve seen scantily clad chicks that have a blank look on their face and I don’t think it’s sexy.  I think that when people are comfortable in their own skin, when they are happy, and when they glow from the inside it is very sexy.

We can always redefine how we see ourselves, the world, a certain concept, or a word.  I can’t keep blaming the culture for how I feel about myself. I get to choose what magazines I read, which is only really Oprah lately.  I can watch TV or movies that make me feel good, that add to my life in a positive way.  I am not a slave to trends but I love fashion.  I make my choices to create a happy life for myself and great self-esteem.  We are not our bodies, we are spiritual beings occupying them for a certain amount of time.  But we don’t have to vilify the physical in order to be more spiritual.  Old concepts can always be questioned so we can discover our own truth.

We have been giving mixed messages especially to girls.  Be confident, but not too confident.  Feel good about yourself, but not too confident. You can be sexy, but not too sexy.  Do we really know that invisible line to cross?  Does anyone know where anyone else’s line should be?  Everyone can decide for themselves.  It’s all intention anyway.  A female who feels good about herself, is confident, and feels sexy is a healthy women.  Let her decide how that will be for her.  No more trashing or judging sexy women.  And no more trashing or judging women who we don’t think are attractive or sexy enough.  When we realize there is no competition with other women we can empower ourselves to live our best lives on our own terms.  Let’s cheer each other on.  That’s my vision for the future.  We can all shine in our own way.  Rock on, Ladies!

Originally posted on:  http://www.2baware.net/growth/sexy-is-not-a-bad-word/

.Deliciously you.

You are not confined nor defined by others opinions of you. Yes, we may care about what our loved ones, friends and colleagues think of us…we just can’t be attached to it. First of all, we are only guessing what they actually think. We are not in their heads. Everyone has a certain way they see the world. You can’t expect to change their opinion. From their perspective, their lens, their life so far, you are _______. Does that really have to do with you? Nope. If someone is from a different generation or culture, they are seeing you through that lens. They may have a reaction to you, like you triggered something with them, you pushed their button unintentionally. How dare you be so bold? How dare you feel so free? Mmm…they may not be allowing themselves to live fully. This has nothing to do with you. You still gotta do your thing, dance your dance, shine you light.

Question is…do you feel that you have to act different in front of specific people? Obviously at work you would not be telling your boss something you would tell your best friend. But are you allowing people to see the true you? Don’t tame your spirit for the sake of others. We are meant to feel free to express, create, be, and grow every day in some way. Living by someone else’s set of rules for themselves gets you nowhere. It doesn’t bring you closer to you. You can observe others, which can give you clarity on what YOU think and feel. It can shed light on your own truth. Ultimately, you will carve out your own path, one that no one has ever walked. We all do.

Just be you. Be your delicious self. Your flavor is unique to you, which some may not like. But when you are truly you, authentically being you, you will surely inspire someone else to live their full vibrant self. You teach that there is a new way. You can live your own life and make up your own rules (or none at all). If this scares people, they don’t understand, they think you’re crazy, just bless them and put the focus back onto you. You have your own answers. You know what’s right for you. Trust yourself. And let the peanut gallery do their own thing.

My perspective is: What you think of me is none of my beeswax. You can think, until your face turns pink. I’ll keep on being me, as I am free to be.

Originally posted on 2baware.net where I am a contributor. :)

Feisty Soul report from the Mommy-hood!

I love being a Mom.  I used to really suck at it.  Well, actually I use to think I sucked at it.  I thought I was the worst mother in the world sometimes.  In reality, I became a Mom at twenty and did the best I could with who I was then.  I don't live in the past.  Nowadays, I don't judge myself.  If I do feel that I could have done something differently, I think...Okie Dokie, and move on.  I actually think Motherhood is fascinating.  In some cultures, it is so intuitive, instinctual, they are just doing their thing, without any of the parenting books, magazines, or experts.  For many, whether you work full time, part time, or are a stay-at-home-mom, this job is like they say, the hardest.  When you make a parenting mistake you can feel like you screwed them up for life.  Yes, if you screw up at work, you can get fired, but the feeling like you really screwed up with your child makes you feel like a complete failure.  The reason I wanted to write this is to share some things I have learned.  I am the zany mother of an almost fifteen year old daughter, and three sons, eleven, five, and two. 

First of all, I have learned to stop asking everyone their opinion on things related to my kids, parenting, and decisions.  This used to make me feel so confused.  I gave all my power away.  The people pleaser in me could never win.  But really, there is no real right, idea, perfect way to do it.  If your kid sleeps in your bed until they are five, sucks their thumb until they were eleven (okay this was me), uses cloth diapers, eats the right serving of vegetables, go to a certain preschool, does flash cards, blah...blah...blah.  Your kids are not going to remember most of this, but how you made them feel.  What you were like as a parent and person is what they will be telling their grandkids.  Best advice, love them.  Play with them, but in your own way.  If you do not like playing transformers with them, watch a movie with them, bake with them, dance with them.  Just let them see you enjoy life.  Let them see your JOY.  Let them know you.

If you clean up the toys, they will get them out again.  If you wash the windows, they will lick the glass.  If you vacuum, they will dump their snack on the carpet.  If you are in a rush, someone will crap their pants.  These kinds of shenanigans happen with my youngest two, who often have meltdowns simultaneously and often when I get a phone call.  This teaches me detachment.  To not be so attached to the way things have to look or be.  It's nothing personal, they don't even do it on purpose.  Don't expect them to be perfect.  You don't want robots, that would be boring.  It's the same with older kids, only different issues.  Making mistakes helps them learn and decide what works for them.  Let them grow.  Everyday they are changing, so you have to go with the flow.  They don't want to hang out with you anymore and think what you say is all wrong.  It's a normal part of development and it's nothing personal.  Let them have some space to breath.  No helicopter parenting here anymore.  They are wiser than grown-ups give them credit for. 

Your kids are going to get mad at you, give you an attitude, think you are unfair, and all that fun stuff sometimes.  Life goes on.  Life can be messy and beautiful at the same time.  You are teaching your children that relationships are about both sides.  The parent isn't always right and it does not make you look weak in showing them this.  The old way of parenting doesn't work anymore.  Laying down the law, never adjusting the rules, and having them fear you is a bunch of baloney.  Cultivate your own style of parenting that will have it's ebb and flow.  What worked yesterday may not work today.  When they are little they can get over things quick, especially if given a lollipop.  With my older kids, I have a habit of trying to make up with them before they are ready, wanting them to talk about their feelings, and wanting peaceful energy again.  But they are entitled to their feelings, as well as I am entitled to mine.  They can't make me mad, sad, happy, or anything.  That is my choice.  They are doing, saying, being, and I can react or I can BE, as in be energy.  I can the Be Energy of whatever. I can be the energy of peace, love, & joy when I choose to.  I can take a deep breath and go to the happy place, even if it seems like there is a carnival-zoo-frat party going on around me.  You cannot please everyone and that would not be good for them anyway.  Sometimes the best things happen, when plans change. 

The idea of being a good parent has good intentions.  What I think is the more important thing than trying to impossibly be a perfect parent, is to show them how to be a happy, healthy person.  I have missed appointments, shown up to dress rehearsal with my daughter a week too early (she was five and she still won't let me forget it), sent my son to pajama day a day early (that was this year), and many other human moments.  I am perfectly me.  Back when I was a young Mom, I would beat myself for days over mistakes, replaying it in my head, feeling embarrassed, and worried about what other people would think.  Thank God those days are over.  I had a lady come up to me on the beach last weekend and tell me what a good Mom I was.  She was observing how I dealt with a situation. It was really nice to hear.  But I still have my freak out moments, but they are rare now.  I use to yell all the time, because I wasn't happy inside.  I worked on me.  I did the internal work on myself.  I can proudly-boldly-unabashedly say...I love myself, which allows me to let my kids be themselves and I can love them unconditionally. 

Message that I want all the Moms to hear is to focus on yourself and your energy.  Fill up your own love tank.  Be FULL of yourself, full of life.  Fill up your own cup first and it will be so full that the love spills out into every area of your life and everyone.  Really love yourself and you will be teaching the most valuable lesson in the world, to love themselves.  When you love yourself, you are happy, you are kind, you thrive.  You can teach self-esteem, but they will do what you do, not what you say. What I strive everyday to instill in my kids, by just being me, is to be yourself.  Love yourself.  Don't worry about what anyone else thinks.  Not everyone is going to get you.  Have lots of fun.  Do your best, but more importantly be kind to yourself when you make mistakes.  Follow your intuition, your inner voice.  You can have bliss, joy, peace, and all the good feelings by living in the moment.  Appreciate nature.  Forgive people and move on.  You are always connected to God/Universe/Source.  You have guides and angels always loving and supporting you.  You are responsible for your own energy.  You can raise your vibes when you want.  Life is good and it keeps getting better.  I often say, "I love life.  I love my life."  Be in a thankful place and you will receive so much more.  Carve your own unique path.  Live your own life.  Do what makes you happy.  You do your own thing, let others do theirs, and respect everyone.  I look at my kids as beings that I get to help and guide.  They are not property, they are just little people.  I love that they teach me as much as I teach them.  I let them see me grow, learn, and bloom everyday.  Deep breath again, you are doing an amazing job.  Relax.

Let your haters, be your motivators!

I share these negative comments from two of my Jennylicious youtube videos, because I found some great lessons from them.  On my video, "Shake your biscuit,"  This person commented:  I feel bad for ur children... Having a mom who doesn't kno how to act like an adult, grow up please!

And on my video,"I'm so pretty,"  she commented:  I'm a girl, and even think ugly girls shouldn't make videos like this. Just saying.... Freedom of speech.

Interesting, huh?  When I first checked my email and saw this, I cringed...a mean comment doesn't feel good.  Oh, but it does, after you see that it is not about you, it's about them.   One of the greatest lessons is to not take things personally, which is definitely a lot easier when it is a stranger.

First of all, I could delete it.  But I won't.  I am not embarrassed.  I know who I am.  I responded to her in a kind manner.   Her opinion is through her lens she views the world with.  Anyone who knows me, knows that I am a really great Mom, and HELL YEAH, I am silly.  I am never growing up and I don't care what anyone thinks of that.  Being kid-like and also being a responsible parent is what I am.  As for the second video, I guess she is saying I am ugly.  Which is fine. I know I am beautiful and that is all that matters.  She doesn't have a picture up, but I hope she feels beautiful and that she loves herself.  When you truly love yourself, you don't need to comment mean things, to hurt other people.  You wish everyone the best.  

Plus, I did not come here to be liked, I came here to be ME.  It's easy to retreat when someone doesn't like your video, your book, your painting, your photography, your music, or whatever.  It makes you reexamine why you are doing it.  It you are making it so that EVERYONE likes it, it's going to be watered down and not authentic.  So why do I put myself out there, with my videos, to be judged by all the world to see?  I make videos because they are fun, they uplift, inspire, amuse, & spread good vibes.  I could always disable the comments section.  But why?  Other people may want to tell me that I made them laugh, giggle, feel lighter.  That they decided to step outside their box and buy that leopard dress, because they were inspired by my zany spirit.  

And no worries all you beautiful peeps, I will not be deterred by negative Nancies.  I am still going to make videos, write books, and shine my awesomeness for all the world to see.  I have a wonderful group of cheerleaders and I feel blessed to have them.  I am cheering on each and every one of you who are reading this on.  I believe in you.  I believe in me.  What energy you put out there, comes back you you.  And to my naysayers,  Namaste, Blessings, & all the yummy delicious to you.  

P.S.  My kids thought it was funny!  I am so blessed to have them.  My ten year old wanted to comment back a mean comment in my defense, but I said that would not make me look like a very good mommy.  ;p  MUAH!  xoxo

Silly Pickle Dilly

This morning, I was getting stuff ready to make breakfast for my lil' guys.  I was talking to my hubby, who has been working CRAZY hours, so I feel like I haven't seen him in a week.  The fridge was open and my youngest, two year old Seamus, loves to grab anything he can, especially things on the shelves of the fridge door.  He twisted pickle jar lid off, spilling pickle juice everywhere.  I was so annoyed, all this frustration came out of nowhere and I started saying all this silly victim crap.  Stay at home mom, BS thinking, I was really good at, years ago.  Interesting reaction.  Kind of like, yelling over spilled pickle juice, is the new crying over spilled milk.  I let myself feel overwhelmed with trying to do EVERYTHING.  My mind was racing.  It's not even about getting everything done even, it's prioritizing what is important.  Everyday I have to feed the kids, do laundry, dishes, pick up from activities, etc. I don't have to clean up the toys clean every night, but I do because I like that way.  Not that I am neat freak,  I have no time to be a neat freak.  I try to fit in exercise at some point, most days.  I meditate when my youngest two are sleeping, except last night, I was too burnt out.  But I did get some writing done yesterday.  It is always my goal to exercise, write, and mediate, so days like that I love.  Because I follow the Law of Attraction and like to feel good, after two minutes, and I was clear and back to feeling grateful he has a job. 

I changed my focus, and thought about all of things, in this past week that I really appreciated.  Every time Seamus yelled out to Finnegan, pronouncing it as, "Cinnamon."  It never gets old.  And he says, "I lud de too," for I love you too.  The time I was in the car with my Mom, and she she thought the song, "G6," they were saying, "Like a cheesesteak, high like a cheesesteak."  Cheese stick sounds more like it though.  And how Seamus pronounces her name, Gibby, as Buddy.  The other day, Finnegan, who is five told me that Seamus's breath was chaotic.  He proceeded to tell me lots of things were chaotic that day, even a giraffe, that he once saw at the zoo.  I asked if he knew what it meant and he said no.  That I have two new TV shows that I love.  I love to watch TV, or read a book, at night after the kids are asleep.  It's my "me" time.  On Long Island Medium, the lady is adorable, and she's the real deal.  And the show, Smash, where the cast is amazing talented.  The one guy, who plays the director, is such a hottie too.  As I really thought about how much I love in life, I looked out the window to abundant sunshine, and saw a vibrant blue sky.  That is my natural state, happy.

Hours later, I was feeling that a friend of mine didn't think I was important.  Which really had nothing to do with her.  My feelings got hurt and I looked at the energy of it.  I did not want to be upset, peace is what I like to feel, with everyone.  WOW, lots of my fiery tiger feelings was coming up.  I knew there was a juicy piece for me to learn.  So I thought about all the friends that are important to me, even if I don't call them.  I haven't returned one of my best friend's phone calls from the other day, not because she is not important, but I am busy.  I released the feelings and underneath, I felt my truth.  How am I not making myself important?  Where am I not making myself important?  How am I not making what I say, do, or write important?  Times when I felt invisible came up.  Do I not value myself?  Hmm....I got the message from a energy worker that I needed to do this, making myself a priority.  I thought I was.  But I think the balance thing is so different for everyone. For instance, I have to clean up the toys every night, but don't mind if the laundry sits in a basket unfolded for a day.  I am not trying to be Super woman, but maybe I was, in some ways.  I was thinking, how can I make my writing more important.  It is easy to write when my hubby is off.  I know Danielle Steele, who has seven kids, wrote at night when her kids were little.  That is not going to work for me right now.  My brain doesn't work as well the, it requires meditation, TV, and a glass of wine.  I really was so glad these feelings came up.

I didn't need to figure out how I am going to put myself more on the radar.  Or how I am going to find more writing time?  It was about realizing that in some ways, that I did not value myself.  There is the part that doesn't really value what I write or say.  I thought about times, that as a stay at home mom, that I didn't feel valued or important for what I did too.  There is came again.  Mixed with "I am worthy" stuff.  What is my worth?  My sassy spiritual sexpot side decided to chime in saying, "I am a friggin' ROCKSTAR!"  Of course I am important, valueable, and worthy.  Look at me!  I am fabulous!  I am wise, fun, creative, talented, and radiate love.  I have so much to bring to this world, by shining my Light, who I really am.  So release those self-esteem issues and step further into yourself.  Don't worry about whether you are a good enough mother, writer, friend, wife, whatever!  DUH, you are!  Having awareness and releasing limiting beliefs frees you.  And soon, you will have someone clean your house, so you can have a clean house and write.  YES!  That will be awesome!  I love you! And you don't have to be super woman, but you can be Wonder Woman.  LOL!"  Yes, this was me talking to myself. Come on, we all do it. 

Always remember your value and how important you are.  Balance in your life is not the same for everyone.  You make it work for your life.  For me, I know that I have to write, it is in my soul.  If I didn't, I would not feel fulfilled.  And also, when emotions come up, look within and see what it is.  Then release it and move on to what you want.  Be easy on yourself.  It's OK to need more "me" time than someone else. Or not like to have as much on your plate as someone else.  We're all different.  Another thing, when you think you have already learned a lesson, and it rears its ugly head again, don't be hard on yourself.  It's like the peeling the layers of the onions.  It's all good.  Trust that.  Being a positive person doesn't mean you never have negative moment, it's that you choose to not stay there.  And ALWAYS Love yourself.  I share my feelings, being authentic and open, so maybe someone will get some insight into their own life or they will learn something.  Being yourself doesn't have to make you be vulnerable, it make make set you free.  Namaste, Lovies, Shanti, Blessings, & all yummy delicious stuff to all of you!  

Labels are for fables

I got to thinking about labels.  And not the cute ones, like the C's on the Coach or Chanel bags.  But sometimes, we wear labels like that, on our emotional sleeves, without even knowing it.  In the fables, there are good guys, bad guys, damsels in distress, and one-dimensional characters.  We are much more than that.  So when we label ourselves, we limit ourselves.  Why do that?  We are always changing, growing, and learning.  Sometimes people in our lives don't like when we change, even though it's inevitable.  Everyone likes to keep us labeled in their minds.  It's how we understand the world.  And when we don't understand people, we still label them, maybe as crazy.    What if we let go of labels and limitations we place on others and ourselves?  As I watch my children grow and constantly change, it challenges me to let go of who I thought they were, from one year to the next.  They are finding themselves, as am I, as are we all.  It is a beautiful dance we do together and it's always evolving.   

Here's the story of me ending an argument with my teenage daughter, which is really funny on how she was labeling me.

"Nothing matters before this moment,"  I say, wanting to move on.

"Do you even here yourself?  You sound like a 1-800 number, for a psychic hotline.  Nothing matters before this moment," she said in a soft voice, poking fun at me. 

I bursted out laughing. 

"You're drinking the Kool-aid,"  she said.

"I'm not drinking anybodies Kool-aid."  I said.

"You're making the Kool-aid,"  she said.  I was still laughing and we had easily ended the argument.

No worries, I am not starting a cult.  I want my kids to be free to think what they want and find their truth for themselves.  Plus, teenagers are usually think there parents are weird, right?  She teases me, but I don't mind, because we joke with each other all the time.  I keep evolving how I parent and especially how I deal with conflict and problems.  Damn those Moms, for being like a real actual person, and changing sometimes.  LOL!  And I will keep changing until the day I die.  And as a parent, I can't label my kids as the smart one, or helpful one, or difficult one, even though it may seem like that.  When we label them, we limit who they can be.     

Do you ever find yourself saying this like:
I am not a great athlete so I am couldn't do...
I am not a good writer, so I can't...
I've never been patient so...
I'm not a nature person so...
I don't like to try new things so...
You may say these things in your head. but you see, everyday, you get a brand new chance to become a painter, because you have secretly always wanted to.  Take a music lesson or whatever you have a little whisper in you heart is saying.  Step out of your box and try something new. 

Think about all the fun and possibilities, we miss out on, when we limit who we are.  Luckily in this day and age, you can redefine yourself, as much as you want.  If you got divorced, even into the last century, you were therefore labeled in a negative way.  Look at how far we have come.  Being out as a gay person was unheard of in the past.  Now, there are new laws everyday that support civil rights for all.  The world is so connected now by technology, especially the internet, that people from all over globe are getting to see past the labels, of where we come from.  Labeling people by what country they live in seems so silly, since in the US, we are so diverse.  I love to meet people different cultures, backgrounds because it's fascinating to hear people's stories.  It expands my mind and I learn from every interaction.  If I label them, closing myself off to them, what could I be missing out on?  

Still, some may label or categorize us, even in our families.  That's OK.  We never have to take on someone's label of us.  We are free to be.  On a funny note, labels can come in handy, like on spice jars.  I was making popcorn for my kids and grabbed cinnamon, instead of smoked paprika, when I had already added garlic powder and turmeric.  I asked my older two to guess the secret ingredient and they guessed right, but they ate it anyway.  It actually tasted good.  Who knew?

Ladies of love, light, & life!

I attended the eWomenNetwork conference in Atlantic City this week.  CRAZY CUPCAKES!  I was so intimidated at first.  I was going to see Lisa Nichols, the best-selling author who was featured in the book, the Secret.  My lovely mother had gotten us tickets.  I didn't know what to expect, but I got up early and dressed in my sassy sans-kids way, feeling very confident.  When I walked in, you could just feel the power of these women.  It was a buzz, a confidence, and a truly feminine-loving nature flowing around.  We heard lots of amazing women speak, each one giving me a piece of my puzzle, and confirming what was in my heart.  In the past, smart, successful, powerful women really intimidated me.  I felt that they were better than me.  I cowered inside, next to their confidence.  The women at this conference welcomed you, with open arms, to share what they know.

As we were asked to share about ourselves, handing out our business cards, I handed out scraps of paper with my name, number, blog, and facebook page on it.  Hey, you gotta start somewhere.  Every women I met was helpful, supportive, and inspiring.  I am still processing all that I heard and experienced that day.  If I wrote everything about day, it would be a small book.  I really wish I could impart what learned to everyone, because I really can't do it justice with words, but it was beyond transformational.  One of the most important things that I want to share is it got me to ask myself more questions and reminded me that I am a ROCKSTAR, as we all are.  Don't ever stop believing that!

Having to tell people about myself made me ask, who am I and what do I do?  It made me have to adjust and relax my energy into this, which help me build confidence.  I am a mother of four. I blog, write fiction, and am still cultivating just exactly what other awesomeness that I am going to do.  It was about me telling them what I plan on doing, not showing them until I start making it into a business or making money at it.  I know, in my bones, that I am going to be a successful writer, speaker, and more.  Writing that, is so much easier than telling a stranger...until now.  It made me stretch out of my comfort zone.  With each person that I spoke with, was first blown away that I have four kids, like it was twenty-five of them, and believed in me right away, that this was going to happen for me.  Many real soul connections were made, as each person really was a teacher and student, to each other.  I had to ask myself some hard, personal questions too.  Was I caring about what others thought, therefore stopping my own mojo?  Was I using my time wisely, sweating over things that don't matter?  Was I focusing on what I wanted?  Was I afraid to succeed?  What was my energy like, when people meet me (confident, open, loving, fun), I hope?  Do I feel stuck in any way?  What do I see for myself in the future?  What steps can I take towards that?  What are my intentions?  So many more, I am sure, but the idea is always to examine where you are at.  From a loving place within yourself, ask yourself questions.  And if you need assistance, ask and be open to receive what you need.

There were many laughs and stories shared by the speakers and by each lovely lady that I met.  I took many things, as signs from the Universe, confirming that I am right on track.  The message echoed throughout was, that there is no competition, we are all unique and a true gift to this world.  Keep dreaming big.  You can do it!  I thank all those women who were cheering myself and everyone on.  Marilyn Kleinberg was the organizer and I just love her personality, it's fun and refreshing.  I told her that what I loved about the eWomenNetwork Conference is that it was a great mix of business and spiritual energy.  Sandra Yancey, the founder of eWomenNetwork is so beautiful and inspiring. She spoke of being a mother and entrepreneur. She told her story about starting her business, empowering us all that we can achieve epic success.  Lisa Nichols spoke of having this dream in her belly, that if we have to give birth too, even if no one understands.  I felt like she was speaking to me and me alone.  She read my heart.  She exudes love.  If you ever get the chance to see her speak, be prepared to feel a real presence of magic.  It wasn't just a talk that she gave, but rather an experience, that I had.  I felt emotion well up in my heart, as I teared up. 

Even though, I don't know the how's yet, it confirmed deep-down in my soul that I am meant to do that.  I want to give talks like that.  Speaking so that I may uplift, inspire, empower, and cheer on other people.  I want to be an example to others, to teach them what I have learned.  I can see it now.  I will hand out glitter pom-poms at the door, not to cheer me on, but for them to cheer themselves on.  I will step up on that stage and we will have a blast, it will be so fun.  I will let my Light shine, leading the way, for those who forgot how awesome they are.  I will say, "Here is the way, here is a path, that may be less traveled but you will be so happy you took it.  Maybe you have never seen anyone do what you want to do, but maybe that's cause you are a badass pioneer, a rebel maverick, a sparkly firework, on the edge of glory, rockin' on that leading edge."  And I will end with:  "You are amazing, always remember that.  Stand up and cheer for yourselves, ROCKSTARS!  Rock & shine, like the brilliant diamond you are. I love you ALL!"  I will be up selling my novels and my fun-and-deep, Jennylicious guide to life, and my products too.  Dream big, while totally loving life today.  xoxo

And Mommy, thank you being the greatest teacher of my life and my biggest supporter.  One day, I think I'll be writing a book about you.  I'd also like to thank the women that I happen to have their names.  The rest of you, thank you, in spirit.  And to the people reading this, I send you a big, sparkly, cyber hug!  Thank you for reading.  Please feel free to share.

Marilyn Kleinberg-www.ewomennetwork.com/chapter/snj
Sandra Yancey-www.new.ewomennetwork.com/ 
Lisa Nichols-lisanichols.com
Kathleen Cashman-www.cashmanconsultingllc.com
Janet Garraty-www.gojanenews.com
Lisa Monahan-www.bridgingenergies.com
Cristi Cook-www.abetterbalancedyou.com
Sabrina Smith-www.ericksplace.org
Sylvia Henderson-www.springboardtraining.com
Lisa Marie Platske-www.upsidethinking.com
Johanna Scheets-johannascheets.myarbonne.com
Stella Collington-eatpaylove.com
Cindy Cipriani-www.clearpathinstitute.com
Emily Morgan-meetemilymorgan.com
Amy Druding-www.permanentmakeupbyamy.net
Donna Andrews-donnaandrewsphotography.com
Shaun Stephenson-www.thecircleoften.ning.com/
Carol Plummer-http://www.ewomennetwork.com/chapterHomePage/chapterHomePage.php?code=montgomery
www.olis-originals.com/
Anne Glenning (My Mom)-http://www.ameripriseadvisors.com/anne.d.glenning/profile/

A bout of self doubt makes you pout!

Self-doubt is a tricky one, it pretends to be your friend at first. Beware! It creeps in slowly.  It started out telling me, "You have so much going on, with the kids, you just don't have time to write."  Sound innocent.  But then it leads to, you just don't have what it takes to manage it all...you just don't have what it takes.  I was having self-doubt rock my confidence.  I knew inside though, that this really wasn't real.  I waited it out.  I allowed the blah feelings to surface, on and off, for at least a week.  It was no fun at times, but I knew it was what was no longer served me, coming up to let it go.  You see, I have changed the way I think, but in the past, self-doubt was the voice I always heard in my head.  So I recognized it, trying to trick me with it's...what makes you so special?  What makes you think you can succeed?  How can you make your dreams come true?  Be realistic.  You can't have a toned body, you have four kids.  You are not smart enough.  All this stuff I use to believe about myself, secretly.  It was almost comical, to see the thoughts come up.  I was thinking, where in the hell did that come from?  And of course,with the Law of Attraction, because I was doubting myself, I would draw conversations, where I felt like I had to explain myself.  It was exhausting.  I wanted to call my Mom, sister, or friends to look for validation.  In the past, I would have asked for help, but then I would have not really gotten to the other side of this.  I share this with you, because I always learn so much from others' life experiences.

And WOW, do I love being back to me.  Where I can totally see this in Oprah's magazine, I could see myself being a featured columnist/blogger.  I dream big, I believe that anything is possible for me.  I believe in myself and that is really all that matters to me.  Others do not have to believe in me, understand me, validate me.  It is not their job.  And when I allow myself to be defined by others, when they like me, or agree with me, I am high up on the roller coaster.  When they don't agree, or like me, I am at the bottom.  That is a crazy way to live.  I do not choose that anymore.  What I learned from this latest lesson, is that when self-doubt tricks you, hold tight, it's okay.  You are not eternally flawed or broken.  Choose to just hold on and trust.

I had an "I Don't Knowism" sitch going on.  I had a case of "Little-old-me syndrome" and a bout of "Not Enoughness."  I felt like I was on the hamster wheel and my mind was racing.  With all this stirred up, I had to think about everything I believe, know, feel, have done.  It was a big letting go of energy and now there is a newness. Whew!  When you are aware and observe yourself and your thoughts, miracles can really happen.  You can always change how you think. But like what happened to me, hiccups along the way, help move you along.  When you are getting in shape physically, you don't expect to have six-pack abs in one day, so be easy on yourself.  You can consciously make changes on how you think, but subconsciously you have lots of crappy thinking from the past in there.  Good new is that repetition causes changes to the conscious, so keep going, affirmations, telling a new story of your life, positive thinking, appreciating your life, and feeling good.  You reprogram yourself, you work out the kinks, with your vibration on continual basis.  Law of attraction in action.  People may think it's easy for me, I make it look easy sometimes.  I was good at faking how I really felt and thought.  I was that happy face behind the pain type gal.  Now I am I the happy face behind the happy.  Just ask my kids.  I annoy the crap out of my teenage daughter, which I will admit is funny.  I choose happy.  I had enough of feeling bad, this is way more fun.  Being authentic and true to myself, I am sharing what a beautiful thing my hiccup was. 

I Don't Knowism:  I had this feeling that I could not shake.  It was self-doubt making me think that I didn't know anything.  That I didn't know how to do anything.  This can feel like you are lost.  You are not, you are on your path, and you get to choose your direction.  You are not struck, if you don't label it as that.  I momentarily thought that I had not made an progress in the past year, which I knew was not true.  It is not about the physical stuff, as much as the foundation, that I have built inside of me.  What I knew was I am happier than I was last year, clearer in my knowing, and more confident than ever.  I had already learned that when I confront old feelings, or insecurities, whatever the negative is...that I am so much freer and feel so much more expansive afterwards.  I don't avoid how I feel, or else I can't change it.  I just sat with the feeling and trusted my inner knowing.  It is okay to not have all the answers.  I did ask myself, "What do I know?"  "Who am I?"  "What do I want?"  I asked my higher self and waited for the wisdom and insight to come.  And now that I am back in the feeling good business, all the wisdom and insights came flooding to me.  Oh yeah!  I know I am a ROCKSTAR of my life!  I have all the knowing inside of me.  We all do.

Little-old-me syndrome:  Lil' old me is ordinary, mediocre, and the nothing is special about me, thinking.  Look at everyone else, they are amazing and me, not so much.  I felt like I was in competition with everyone.  I realized that when you are feeling the low vibe, you feel lack, and you are in competition, comparing yourself to others.  Self doubt was telling me that Little-old-me can't be a successful writer, get in better shape, give inspirational talks, keep making my Jennylicious happy raps, and achieve all that I dream and desire.  Well, watch me, self-doubt!  You do not have to believe in me, you never did. You were the one who egged me on in making bad choices in the past, making me believe that I was little-old-me.  But you know what, I am so glad you did, because it makes getting here, to this fabulous place, even more delicious.  I felt that fleeting temptation to go back to playing small, but self-doubt, I hate to tell you, the train has left the station.  I can't go back.  Thank God!  So when others did not think I was the greatest thing, since sliced bread, you would tell me "they are idiots, what do they know?"  But really, you loved it.  You loved me playing small, being little-old-me, where you could be in charge.  You can't trick me though, I am confident now, to the core.  When I was having a bout of self-doubt, I affirmed:  I am confident in all areas of my life.  Cause sometimes you gotta fake it, til you make it, til' you get over the hump.  And you will get there. 

Not Enoughness:  This part is my least favorite and it's the biggie for me.  It stirs the pot the most, it's what led me to an eating disorder in my teens, to try to be thin enough.  It had worthiness and self-esteem issues coming up.  This turned out to be such a gem, of a lesson for me.  I was already feeling like I did not have the answers I thought I did, my whole energy internally was little-old-me, and not thinking I was good enough was so uncomfortable and foreign to me nowadays.  I refused to really, truly, believe this drama, but it was pretty wild.  I had this life review thing going on, thinking about the past, which really reminded me that I am a totally different person now.  Even in a bad moment, I don't hate myself.  Self-doubt told me that I sucked at parenting, cleaning, organizing, writing, being me, life, and whatever else it could bring up.  I tried to think why I was enough.  I decided that wasn't going to work at that moment.  I just had to say:  I am enough.  The fog was clearing and clarity was like a bright blue sky, after a storm.  The truth is none of it mattered whether I was good at anything, it is how I felt about myself.  And that determines everything for me.  It doesn't matter whether others think I am good enough at whatever, if I don't.  Also, if others don't think I am good enough, it doesn't matter either.  I run my own own show, it's about me living my life.  They can live theirs.  It's perfect.  And I know that I am more than good enough, I'm me.  And I am success at me.  Everything else, really is the icing on the cake.  So enough is enough, I love myself even more now.  I love being me.  And in me, being real, sharing what I learn, I am hoping others benefit too.  My wish is for all to feel as good as I do, confident and sure.  Always onward and upward.  Holla if you're with me.  Whoot!  Whoot!  ;)

I love looking in the mirror!

I do love looking at myself in the mirror, but this is about a different kind of mirror.  Our relationships are our mirror, to truly see ourselves.  When we are in our solitude, we gain peace, clarity, and insight.  But if you really want to know about yourself, have relationships with lots of people.  I don't mean be a hoochie, but rather be a spouse/partner/significant other, mom/dad, daughter/son, sister/brother, friend, co-worker, teacher, etc.  Our relationships show us what we may want to work on, or what we would like to change, in ourselves, it's always about us.  If you look outside yourself for love, peace, or happiness, you will always be at the mercy of outside forces.  You can change any relationship, from within.  It's all your perspective. 

If you feel like you were someone's victim, that may be true...but you do not want to stay that.  You are a powerful being, free from anyone else's influence, free from your past.  No matter what the thing, that person did, the longer you dwell on it, the longer they still hurt you.  You can imagine yourself cutting a cord that energetically attaches you and them together.  You can write them a letter getting all of your pain out and then burn it.  You can process why they did it, until the cows come home, but  then it's about them.  You can analyze your feelings to death or you can move on.  Move on, because YOU are worth it. 

If someone ticked you off or offends, look at your part, your reaction.  What buttons does it press?  What "issues" does it trigger?  I had a friend, who I had known for over five years "unfriend" me on Facebook.  Why?  We know it's not because I write mean things.  I guess we are not a match anymore.  For a split second, I thought, what did I do wrong?  Then I remember, nothing, being me is fabulous.  Releasing the need to be right and not taking things personally frees you, from other's drama.  If my Dad, or my daughter, say that I am wrong for thinking the way I do, or don't get me, it's an opportunity for me.  For me to stand in my truth and be myself, loving myself totally.  Regulating your thoughts and feeling is literally the key to your happiness. 
 
If you feel someone doesn't make you happy, it's not their job.  You are totally in charge of your happiness.  If you say they don't love or accept me, and if they did, you would be happy-happier-feel good...you gave all your power away.  Loving and accepting yourself improves your relationships more than anything.  You set the tone, vibrationally with people, from within.  I have learned this through my marriage.  I have been married for fifteen years, since I was 19 years old.  Many times, I would look to him to change, when it was really about me finding happiness inside myself.  The happier I am, the better partner I make, for sure.  I also can't be on a roller coaster of happiness/unhappiness by what one of my four kids is doing.  Regardless of what carnival of craziness is going on in my house, my happy place really is within.  Each of my children teach me different things, in how they challenge me.  I think, Hmm....well here, I am letting go of needing to control, or needing someone to agree, or whatever it is.  

My best advice with friendship break-ups, is to think of what you did like about them, and leave the rest of the crap alone.  You can just have changed, grown apart,without having to make them bad or wrong.  You don't want all those yucky feelings in your heart.  If people don't like you, you have to adopt the "Oh well-whatever-who cares" attitude.  You don't necessarily like everyone, or prefer their personality either.  Resentment, past hurts, old stories, are the metaphoric baggage we choose to carry, or not.  The past has past.  Whatever someone did, made you feel like, or whatever, doesn't deserve space in your mind.  Let go of it.  Take it to a higher perspective.  See them as a soul.  It's way easier to forgive then. 

If you see yourself repeating certain patterns with people, you can change it.  If you find yourself playing victim, with your friends, spouse, the lady at the grocery store.  Celebrate.  You are getting a huge message loud and clear.  And now you see, that you don't like it, so affirm, "I am a powerful being.  I am in control of my own life.  I have control over my thoughts, feelings, and actions."  The more you focus on positive thoughts, letting go of crappy one, you will see this affirm is totally true.  Now if you attract needy people, ask yourself why.  Do you feel more valuable when people need you?  Do you have the idea that all people do is take, take, take? Hello, victim again, just hiding in a different costume.  Do you have a problem saying no, standing up for yourself, setting boundaries, you like to people please.?  This is a worthiness thing.  Feeling more worthy when you are a nice person, do good things, or when you give more than receive, is a trap.  It is wonderful to give and be nice, I do all the time, but not at the expense of myself.  If you are doing this not from your highest place, in your soul, you feel drained, and taken advantage of.  If you think, well I should do it or what will people think if I don't do it...RED FLAG.  Affirm:  I am worthy because I exist.  I am worthy of all good things.  I am worthy because I am a wonderful human being.  I am worthy because I am a Divine soul."  Or make up your own affirmations, that feel good to you.  There are great affirmations from Louise L.  Hay, she is the Queen of Affirmations.  See, all the things that you thought we bad about self, your issues, challenges, they aren't the end of the world.  You are so powerful and you can change anything. 

I can't live in a hut mediating all day, so I learn spiritually through being a Mom. and all the other brilliant things I am, right in New Jersey.  I learn more everyday about myself and the world, through my experiences and relationships. Relationships are such a beautiful thing.  The reflect back to us how we really feel inside and shine a light on how we really think.  Use this to your benefit.  The more you work on making yourself happy and loving yourself, the better you relationships get.  And if they don't change much, you give it less energy, cause you choose YOU, over them.  Always choose YOU and you will love everyone way more.  Yay for you!  Cheering, supporting, and believing in you always!  :)  Now go look in the mirror and blow yourself a kiss and say "I LOVE YOU!"

FREE to be Queen B!

Queen Bee is a term used to describe the "it" girl, that other girls follow.  It's her confident energy that people are attracted to.  People see something in her, that they want to be.  Dressing like her, acting like her, or listening to her, can make them feel good, for a little while.  We've all gotten swept up in someone else's energy, even through boyfriends, or a group of people, like in a club.  Eventually, you realize that you are not really being you and want to be free.  That feeling of really being yourself, is the ultimate freedom.  As adults, we may even see celebrities, TV personalities, or spiritual gurus that seem to have it all, and we want what they are having.  But really, we can't.  We are not meant to be like anyone else.  And you want to feel, what it looks like they are feeling.  So decide to feel that NOW.  Practice feeling confident, sexy, carefree, smart, sassy, or whatever you want to be and BE it.  Also surround yourself with people who honor your uniqueness and are not threatened by you being different than them, is true friendship.  And we make the best friends, when we know and love ourselves.

I am my own Queen B now, but I remember floundering around, when I was younger, always feeling like a fish out of water.  It's cause I was really a mermaid.  :)  Thankfully I figured that out and embrace my true nature. But when I was in maybe fourth grade, I thought my friend was super-duper-cool and she said she liked this one TVshow.  I said that I did too, but I actually had never even heard of it. She was saying to her brother, remember that episode where...and they asked if I saw it.  I said yes.  They said that they had made it up.  I felt so dumb.  This scenario sounds like an episode off of a kid's show nowadays, teaching kids to not be a follower.  I see so many beautiful lessons I have had that led me to this very moment.  We learn through our experiences, if we are aware of ourselves, and life gets so much easier and way better. 

I went through cycles of being a follower, a leader, a hater, an appreciator, an envious-jealous-meany, a loving-supportive-uplifter, and more, when I was growing up.  When I was really truly being me, I had a blast, laughing and acting like a complete goof.  It wasn't really until after I turned thirty that I can really truly say that I really knew who I was.  I let myself be ME.  I let myself be FREE to be my own Queen B.  The B, for me, is beauty, blessings, bliss, bling, bootylicious, babies, bubbles, and soon lots of brouhaha.  I dream big for me and I wish well for all, because I know there is no competition.  When I really let myself be my sparkly Queen B self, I saw the possibilities were endless and decided what I wanted for me.  I stepped outside my own box and realized I am so much more than I ever knew and I could do anything, like write a book.  And I want my friends and everyone to succeed in ever way, to be happy, and to BE themselves.  We all have the power within us to be Queen B, of our own lives, creating what we want and living deliciously, fabulously, & happily after all.  We can all be Queen B, isn't that freeing!  Be ridiculously amazingly YOU!

This is dedicated to my BFF, Shannon, who I have always been myself with, and we have always loved and supported each other.  The very first time that we hung out, we were laughing so hard, we couldn't breathe.  There has never been any competition, we were more like the kind of Bees that like flowers, honey, and just flying around, not needing to be boss.  I am so blessed and lucky to know her, since we were in seventh grade, and watch her become this amazing woman and wonderful mother.  We are each other's biggest cheerleaders and we are going places, Baby!  My wish for you all is to have a friend like her and to be yourself, Queen B's!!!

C what I'm talkin' about!

I learn a lot from my children.  I learn about myself in parenting them.  I am blessed to have four kids, who keep me on my toes, and being me lots of joy.  I have one daughter, McKayla, a fourteen year old, in her first year of high school.  I have three sons, Aidan (10-5th grade), Finnegan (almost 5-preschool) and Seamus (2 yrs old today).  I deal with different personalities and different ages, which all have their awesome parts and their...well, their opportunities for me to grow.  I cannot control any of them, nor would I want to, except when they are bad.  LOL!  I see those places where I get frustrated and want to control, as a way for me to really let go.  It really changes your state of mind.  I wanted to share some of what I've been learning and realizing for myself.  The Crappy  C's and the Cool C's.

Crappy C's

Compare:  Never compare yourself to others.  It's a dumb game that you will lose to someone, in some area.  I want my kids to learn that you really are running your OWN race, not against someone else.  Ahhh...in my twenties, I compared myself to every other mother.  This is the biggest energy drain.  Just do YOU, do YOU good, and leave everyone else out of it.  When you really work on loving yourself, you value yourself more, and don't need to make others, better or worse, than you.  You realize you are free, to be you, and they are free, to be them. 

Compete:  When you are focused on how well someone else is doing, it may momentarily give you a boost to get your butt in gear, but then what...they go ahead of you, or someone else now is, and then you are back to square one.  Let yourself shine, in your own way, doing your best and you will be happy because you are enjoying YOUR journey.  I really do wish everyone well and that they have success, there is plenty to go around.  I want my kids to realize that compare & compete are an evil duo, not to be messed with.

Control:  My kids are so good at providing me with material to learn this one.  Whether it is them, not listening/attitude/being kids, or your neighbor, brother, partner, friend, whoever, you CANNOT control anyone.  When you are trying to force it, see what happens, when you let go.  One of my sanity savers is sending Light & Love to whoever and it centers me.  If I act like an ass and yell, I remind myself, that while that yields immediate results, in the process I felt bad.  So what do I want...to feel good, or control/get my way/let others have the key to my happiness. 

Complain:  Where you ever listening to someone complain and thinking, I wish they would shut the hell up.  Well, that's what you sound like you complain.  It doesn't solve anything.  Maybe for some, they get people to change behaviors, but going about it in a positive way, makes you feel a heck of a lot better, in the process.  And if you observe people, you will see the Law of Attraction at work, in that if they constantly complain, they attract more to complain about.  I have heard people complain about things, that I thought were good, it's all perspective.  Like grocery shopping, I love having a variety to choose from and the money to pay for them.  That makes it a totally different experience for me.  It's the same with exercise and cooking, you can find they joy, cause why live on minute of your life, not trying to make the best of it. 


Cool C's (Could be called Conscious C's also)

Cultivate:  Create new way of thinking, more positive thoughts and lots of appreciation.  New habits like meditation (one of the best things I ever did), a gratitude journal, and there are a million books of self-help, positive thinking, spirituality that can really change your life.  Even if you replace some TV shows with funnier ones or really a juicy novel, or whatever brings you joy at the end of your day.  Remember you can change your life by cultivating a new version of it.  In my upbeat attitude, I show my kids how to cultivate a way of life.

Choose:  We have many choices we take for granted.  We get to choose what we eat, what we wear, what we read, watch on TV, who we hang out with, and what we think.  Be choosy about your thoughts,  Don't let a bunch of negative garbage play on a constant loop in your head.  OK, so your boss is an ass, change jobs or change your attitude about him.  You get to choose how you think, and if you don't like your negative thinking, cause you realize it's not working anymore, than you can choose to think positively.  I teach my kids, that each one of us, can always choose differently, in each moment.  And if you mess up, there is always next time. 

Clarity:  With each interaction we have, everything we see, read, hear we make judgements.  We don't have to judge them as good or bad, but by rather if it feels good to us, resonates with us, works for us.  We gain clarity everyday.  I like that, I'd like more of that, I LOVE that!  When we can detach a little and not take everything personally, we can see things much clearer.  For me, clarity is not about figuring out everything, but a vibrational, spiritual, energy thing.  When something makes my heart sing, touches my soul, and opens my mind more I gain so much clarity.  I teach my kids that they make up their own minds and that it is up to each one of us, to decide what we believe.  I can't give them or anyone clarity, I wouldn't wnat to rob them of their joyful journey. 

Care:  Take care of yourself.  Take baths, move your body, eat delicious things, feed your soul with things that delight you.  Care about how you feel about you.  My message is always~LOVE YOURSELF!  And you are so much more loving to everyone, when you have taken care of yourself.  Don't expect yourself to be perfect and get down on yourself.  Always forgive yourself for mistakes, the past is done, and now move forward.  Only dwell on the positive.  Every time I say I love you to my kids, I am building their self-esteem.  I want them to know they are ROCKSTARS.  How I treat myself, is what they learn about how to treat themselves.  So, if you leave dishes in the sink, your playroom doesn't get leaned one day, you forgot it was show-and-tell day at school...oh well.  It is OK.  Feeling guilty is a waste, life is to be lived! 

My goal everyday is to uplift and inspire, especially through my writing and blogging.  I love to spread joy and remind others to love themselves.  I aim to raise my vibration and deepen my connection to God/Source/Universe and have fun!  You get to choose what works for you, isn't that awesome!  Muah to ALL!

Hello 2012, into more joy we will delve! *ALERT* Resolutions are not dangerous.

Interesting energy, since January 1st. Lots of info surrounding 2012, and the consensus that I have found, is there is lots of movement and everything is moving faster.  Lots of clearing of the old still, and like a reboot, of sorts.  I will say, for me, I have felt like de-cluttering and letting go of whatever no longer serves me.  I try to focus on the positive, always, but I'm getting nudged to step it up even further.  Which means, sometimes, the old garbage in your mind (old beliefs, things people have said, fears, doubt, anger, shame, insecurities, whatever is not vibrationally a match, to what you want, or who you TRULY really are.)  You may feel like you don't know why things pop up, just know that you can just relax, it's all good.  Let it go.  You may feel like you don't know what you believe anymore, which is GREAT, it brings clarity.  Trust yourself.  You are OK. 

Yesterday, I had lots of feelings come up for me.  I was frustrated bout things and getting angry.  I was trying to observe my thoughts, without getting caught up in them.  I feel for my ego's tricks, got trapped in my own drama, and I was pissed.  I let myself experience it, knowing that I wanted to feel good, not this crap.  I knew my truth wasn't this anymore.  As I was vacuuming, which sounds hilarious to have an insight while vacuuming, I got more clear.  I thought about how mad I use to be, on a daily basis, over lots of things.  Life secretly drove me crazy, along with my kids, people, myself, and the world.  I told myself to relax.  Inner dialogue:  Having a off day is totally OK.  I still am an awesome ROCKSTAR!  I know who I am. Being frustrated often, was what I did in the past.  I had a need for control.  It never worked well.  I always had to fix something about myself.  I thought I would always be flawed.  Oh, I was so mean to me.  And I thought so many things had to happen, in order to be happy.  LOL...here goes: Everyone had to like and approve of me.  LOL!!!  I had be very thin, very rich, smarter, nicer, a perfect mother, daughter, friend, wife, whoever to whoever...blah blah to the blah!  I had so many rules, conditions, in this box that I had put myself in.  WOW!  I am doing pretty damn great NOW!  In the past three year, I have changed so much, more with each year.  I am so happy nowadays, regardless of what goes on around me.  I live on purpose.  Because I know that everything always works out for me.  And good things are always coming my way.  I am so thankful for everything in my life.  Ahh...baring my soul again....relief.  :)       

~If you set intentions, resolutions, or affirmations...whatever feelings are not a match to this, will usually come up for you.  Don't freak out.  Just choose to focus on what you want.  See past your junk.  Example:  If you set a resolution to lose weight:  You may remember things people said to you about your weight, feelings of not being good enough, fear of failure, whatever stands between you and your goal(in your mind.)  Deep breath.  Nothing is wrong.  You are not screwing up.  Breathe in.  Feel the wonder of breathing and being alive, for a moment.  Breathe out those feelings. 

MY BADASS tip, for this new year: BE BOLD.  When you feel confident enough, declare what you want.  You will intuitively know when to walk through the fear and when to wait.  I posted a picture of myself in a bikini, from the polar bear plunge on January 1st.  I love my body.  I love bikinis.  I love looking good in a bikini.  By the time it's swimsuit season, I am going to ROCK that bikini like Victoria's Secret model.  I am toning up and letting go of fifteen pounds, easily and effortless.  I have been fat and I have been thin, but really the only thing I was looking for is to be happy, especially with me.  I'm happy with me.  It's not even that it's a before picture, but rather, this is me. I love me.  That's it.  It's about not caring what others think.  I was chained to that beast, for many years.  It was a prison, in MY mind.  Steps that that led to posting my bikini picture, were to blog, which feels in away like I am naked.  It is BOLD.  It's putting my ideas, words, and thoughts out there to be judged, critiqued, and  of course, loved.  I always hated to be judged, it was one of my greatest fears.  I walk through it.  I also wrote a book, that will be coming out in a few months, for all the world to read.  There is sex and curse words in it, that some will not like, but I do, and it's not a children's book.  What can I say, I like saucy!  If people like my book, great, if not...oh well.  I wrote it, because I love to write.  I have to live my life for me. I make me happy this way. 

I wish you ALL happiness this year.  It's time for us all to shine.  Listen to your inner voice and follow your bliss.  Remember you always have your answers and you are the key to your happiness.  YAY TO A BRAND NEW YEAR!  Fresh start, baby!  Daily!   

Jolly joy

I first want to say, Happy Solstice, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanza, Merry Christmas, and for those who do not celebrate those...delicious December to you.  I felt moved to write about the real meaning of Christmas, that magical Christmas spirit. It sounds cliche to some, but I love a good cliche, with cheesy goodness mixed in, when it fits.  This morning, I decided to try to hunt for the elf on the shelf book, which my four year old has been bugging me about.  He kept asking me, when the elf was going to come, since he heard about it at school.  I had already looked for one at a store, but they didn't have it, so I figured we would have to wait until next year.  I told him that maybe there were not enough elves this year.  His response, "Mom, there are like twenty-one (like that's an astronomical number) and one might be in my head."  LOL.  Giving it another try, I called a store in town and they had it.  My Mom picked it up for me, cause she's the best.  I just love when things are easy.  Finn was overjoyed when he saw the elf. 

After we read the story, I cleaned up in the kitchen.  Finn said, "Mom don't listen, I have to tell the elf something."  And for those without small children, when they whisper, it's either is really loud, or so soft it's like gibberish.  I heard him say to the elf,  "Please make Christmas special of everyone."  That, there, is my Christmas present.  My heart is full.  I told him that he made Christmas really special for me.  And he said I made all the holidays special for him, even the scary one, like Halloween.  In that moment, I realized a huge thing.  I thought back to when I was in my twenties and felt like I was not a good enough mother, unless I could buy the right things, do traditions like other people did them, and all that crap.  My Mom always gave me and my little sisters pins to wear, candy, and cards for every holiday.  I thought if I did not do it that way, it would not be special.  And some years, I couldn't buy certain things for my kids, or do all the holiday things other people did, like taking them to see Disney on Ice or go skiing.  I felt like a failure and that my kids would feel deprived.  This, my friends, was all in my mind.  My kids always had so many wonderful things, we went to New York to see a holiday show, and went to Disney world several times.  It was just me comparing my life to others and wasn't really seeing the beauty that there was.  It was seeing what was going wrong and not what was going right. 

Today, it really dawned on me, that what I give my kids, in the way of enthusiasm for the holidays means more than any trinket I could buy them.  I do not remember all those little pins my Mom gave us for holidays, but I remember the decorations and the feeling.  I am so glad she gave me that love for holidays and life.  My kids will remember me playing Christmas music all the time, the cookie extravaganza, the Christmas movies, me wearing a Santa hat and being really excited about Christmas.  They will remember the magical feeling, that, yes comes with awesome gifts.  But they will not remember the gifts when they get older, but rather, that they felt loved and special.  My older ones will tell stories of complaining about driving around to see Christmas lights, when they just wanted to go home.  They will remember, somehow slowly Dad took over holiday decorating and he enjoys it, and since Mom was no longer a control freak, she let him have free reign.  That he also would make foot prints from Santa and knock over stuff so it looked realistic.  They will have pictures of all four kids wearing some sort of Christmas pajamas, since I gave up on the matching ones.  And we are always starting new traditions.  We might even do New Years cards this year, who knows? 

Lesson is:  Let yourself off the hook, of trying to be perfect, or do it how other people do it.  I think every family can have their OWN traditions that are unique to them.  Have fun, the holidays are suppose to be a merry time, so if something stresses you out, re-think it.  Just because you always did something, doesn't mean you can't change it up.  Make it easy and joyful and if you can't change it, change you attitude about it.  If you can't stand having to buy gifts for all these people, think about how awesome it is, that you have the money to buy the stuff.  Count your blessings, you will truly feel the Christmas spirit then.  Love to all!!!  I wish I could send you all a cookie.  I make the BEST chocolate chip cookies.  I am calling them Jennylicious Joy cookies.  Carry on with the merriment, my friends.  :)

You got this, Girl!

I was on the treadmill yesterday and I was thinking about how excited I am about my life.  I am going to be choosing a cover design for my book this weekend.  I'm doing it!  I live consciously, training myself to think positively and keep my vibrations high.  I have no room for doubt, if I want to live the life I see myself living. Can I speak on stage?  Hell yeah!  Can I write more delicious fiction?  Sure can!  Do I have distinct outlook that would make a great self-improvement book?  Of course.  If you think that there is nothing special about you, or that there are so many writers out there, why bother...you have sealed your fate.  You gotta go for it.  Even if you don't know exactly what that is, dwell in the possibilities and daydream about what you LOVE.  There are little signs and nudges you'll get from the Universe.  I don't know exactly know if it was my inner being/soul, talking to Jennylicious, or vice versa.  But we all talk to ourselves internally, just by our train of thinking.  If you vocalized what you thought, you may see a subconscious pattern.  You can always start telling yourself nice things, which is why I will share what I told myself.  It went like this:

You got this, Girl.  Success is knockin' at your door and you are ready.  You have what it takes.  You're a rockstar!  You just gotta be true to you and stay centered.  You really can't care what anyone thinks, good or bad, or else you won't be at your full potential.  Stay in your zone, create from there and others will be inspired.  If you go in their zone, you get mixed up in their opinions.  Come on, you feel it. You know you are special and it's time to shine, showing others how they can do it to.  Just keep loving yourself.  You know you are good enough and worthy.  You've done the work, you studied the Law of Attraction, you've let go of limited beliefs, you have made your high-good-fab-vibes your life.  You created a new you, every day, perfecting your thinking and attitude.  This is gonna be awesome!  You are going to rock this!  It's gonna be fun!  Thank you, Universe.  I just love you.  Thank you me, my beautiful family, my parents, sister, friends, trees, life, chocolate, Christmas... I can't even remember what else because I was caught up in the moment.  Appreciation is powerful.  (I love a good pep talk-YAY me!)  * Why not try it yourself? 

So naysayers, haters, doubters, pessimists, need not bother...I  believe in me and that is all that every matters.  And people love and cheer me on anyway.  It's just sometimes people mean well, they just don't want you to aim for the sky, sitting your bar high, dreaming big.  Anyone who has achieved big things has started with an idea, a thought, a concept that was not real yet.  It was not born yet, it had to be created.  I do not believe in luck.  We attract what we expect.  If we embody success, prosperity, creativity, confidence, WATCH OUT WORLD!  Tip:  You can always talk yourself out of fear or doubt.  You do not have to believe every random thought that comes in your head. 

I could write every minute, of every day, but get nowhere.  What it takes, on a thinking level, is a positive attitude.  Check!  Step by step, everyday, I am closer to my goals, BUT I live in the now.  Love right now to make your future bright.  Start listing what you like bout life, even the littlest things.  Your outlook will transform and you will see things differently.  GO YOU!  

Rock on with your true self!

I was cleaning up the kitchen this morning, crumbs just love to hang out in my kitchen.  I love how much sunlight that streams in, making it a bright day, in every way.  I started thinking back to years ago, when I wanted people to think I was good at cleaning.  Why?  I thought if they thought I kept a clean house, that meant good mom, which mean good person.  I was trying so hard to make other people think I was nice, good, funny, smart, pretty, skinny, spiritual, loyal, and a lot of other crap.  I have always been really aware of what I was feeling and thinking, which sometimes felt like it was out of control.  I did not know I really could shift my thinking.  I wanted to have more money and a nicer house, so that others would think I had more value, was more important, or cooler.  Being in the space of letting others opinions, thoughts, ideas, fills up your head kills your spirit.  And you do not know who you are. 

What do you want?  Why?  How will that make you feel?  Asking myself that, I thought I would feel better about myself if others thought I was really great.  That's not giving any power away, is it? Try all of it!  People are going to think what they want, which has nothing to do with you, you can't climb in their head and change it.  In feeling good about myself, that would make me happy.  Not the cycle of...I am happy, now I am mad, I am mad, I am OK, dependent on outside circumstances.  You cannot control what others do, even your kids, they are not robots.  And some people will think you are a good parent if you do it their way and a bad parent if you don't.  Staying out of other people's parenting really frees up time, for sure.  I can have an opinion about it, but I don't have to share it.  My experience with parenting is, you change your mind, revise rules, you make mistakes, so it's hard to really stand on a soap box too long.   Funny thing is, in some way I was always going against the grain with parenting, like sharing a bed with baby, making them vegetarians, etc.  I was getting judged and I hated it.  Just smile, laugh, and walk away...it throws them off. 

Some people declare, "I don't care what the hell anyone thinks."  And you totally do not believe them.  They say it as a defense.  It's really hard to not care at ALL, totally detached.  You are going to be too much for some and not enough for others.  I sure am.  And I can say I don't care, most of the time. I tried to be one size fits all, which is impossible.  In writing my novel, some people will love it, some will not.   It is preference and I didn't write it for everyone.  Some people would rather read about bugs and isn't it great they have that option.  If I did not start thinking differently, I would have never stepped out of my comfort zone and wrote a book.  Never in a million years, would i have thought I would make rap videos on youtube.  I am just being myself now, however that leads me, and it is so exciting.  My ego will chime in with some fun thoughts like what would so and so think.  Well, so and so can think I am whatever they want.  I am not living so and so's life. Thank God.  Cause I would suck at being them.  I am a real good me.  And ultimately, that's all that matters. And it you don't like it, oh well.  ;) 

Don't let others define or put you in a box.  And don't do that to yourself.  If you feel inspired to do or be something, go for it.  Never fall for the, "Moms can't do that or I'm too old. to do that."  Who says?  Not so and so again!!!   

This is a post on my facebook page, that goes along perfectly with this.  I am talking to YOU directly!   ROCK ON!!!  https://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Peace-Love-Joy-Sparkles/122323451185965

“You are one of a kind, an authentic masterpiece, a genuine original, a unique and special individual! Doesn't that feel WONDERFUL! That also means that you are to follow your own path, not concerned with what others think. They are steering their own ship, you steer yours. BE YOU! The way you, or others, may have defined you, or labeled you, is OVA!!! OVER, DONE, FINITO! If you feel that you were put in a box by others or you did it to yourself, now you know better. YOU ARE FREE! Well, at my age, or Moms can't do that, what would people think...BLAH x 3. What "they" think is none of your beeswax anyway. Don't give other people power over you. No excuses to not living your life for YOU. And when you are a happy, fulfilled, secure person, your relationships are amazingly deep. Remember this is YOUR life and YOU ARE FREAKING AMAZING! Now act like it! ;) xoxo”