Sunday, February 10, 2013


Do I have your attention? Are you afraid to talk about it? What about the word, erotic. Gasp! Is it too taboo? What about with your partner? We’re often taught that it’s actually forbidden to talk about. Sexuality is dangerous. It’s to be tamed and controlled, rather than celebrated and explored. That’s BS. YOU are a sexual being. We all are and sensuality is natural to us. And sex is beautiful. Sex is spiritual. It’s all about intention and connection.

I, for one, love talking about sex. So how is your sex life? Hmm…did you just tense up, cause I struck a nerve? Are you wanting to feel more sexy? Good way to feel more sexy is to have more sex. Not just have sex, but like a whole new level of pleasure.

I’m talking a wild, free, and out-of-body kind of experience.
It can make you feel vulnerable. Or it can make you feel powerful.
In that raw, open, intense, vulnerable, powerful, sacredness, you can experience bliss beyond just the physical.

Do you think people who have been in a committed relationship can have that, a passionate, mind-blowing sex life? HELL YEAH they can!

When Fifty Shades of Grey came out and everyone was going nuts over it, I thought about how wild it was that so many women were reading it. Like normal, don’t-look-like-a-freak-in-the-bedroom type. They were not just reading it because a hot rich guy sweeps someone off their feet. We’ve read that story a million times. They were reading for the sex. Not just sex, but push you to your limits sex. And it made whips, blindfolds, and spanking seem different, like the fact that this book became so mainstream, maybe S & M was not so forbidden and taboo. It opened up a world of possibilities.
But could you just ask your partner to try new things? Like kinky things? Exploring your limits, finding the edge is thrilling. Talking about your fantasies and what you’d like to do can open up a new level of your relationship. It’s intimate and fun at the same time. Sex isn’t just the connection to the other person, but also a connection to more of yourself.

Your kinky level aside, enjoying more intimacy in your relationship in the bedroom can create a deeper relationship as a whole. When you’re really connecting on that physical level, with your heart also in it, as you try to please each other, it becomes a sacred dance. It really can be a soul connection, a truly spiritual experience. When you’re full of love and intending to feel good, orgasms can be like a mystical, transcendent, beyond all the time and space, cosmic moment where you’re flooded with the feeling of all the love in the world. Your relationship changes when your sex life does, it can even rekindle the romance from long ago. Open your mind to the possibility.

As women, we can improve our relationships by having sex more often with our partners. I can imagine all the eye rolling going on as you’re reading this. But seriously, sex is for you too. I remember a time when my older kids were younger, feeling like it was one more thing I had to do, I didn’t have more to give. But sex is about giving and receiving. If not, it’s not balanced. Tell your partner what you like, what you want, what turns you on. Turning someone on is enjoyable for both, when you love each other. If you’re so over the sex you’ve been having, because you’ve been with the same partner for years…rev it up! Spice it up. Become your own romance novel. Share a bottle of wine and write down on pieces of paper what turns you on, what you’d like to try. Leave love notes. Send racy texts. Flirt with them. Create your own passion. Buy some lingerie. Even wearing sexy leopard underwear underneath your clothes makes you feel sexier. Put on your favorite outfit, get all dolled up, and dance to your favorite song all by yourself. Sing along and get those good vibes going. When you’re feeling good, that’s an avenue to feeling more sexy. Even exercise gets those endorphins going and can lead to better sex. Get in touch with your body, however best suits you. Remember that empowering, excited, high feeling you had when you first seduced your lover, you can have it again no matter how long you’ve been together.

Now please don’t get me wrong, this is not about letting a person dominate you in your relationship or about being a people pleaser. I’m not saying you have to watch sports or do only what they like, do the traditional housewife/female thing, or any of that. You do what works for you there. I’m talking about having a better relationship emotionally and physically. No matter what you weigh, what your age, or any of the superficial stuff, you can be the sexiest goddess around. Sex appeal comes from within. Being confident is so sexy. Let yourself go there. Let that inner sex kitten out to play and let yourself have the best relationship you can. Love is on many levels, and the physical can be oh-so fun!!!

Let yourself have fun, be playful, enjoy life, and have lots of pleasure however you like. Whatever floats your boat, do that. And sometimes reading about sex tips in books or magazines seem like they aren’t for real people, so talk to your girlfriends about it. I’ve gotten some ideas from hearing what works for them. But hey, if that makes you feel too naughty and you’d rather be shy, just act out Fifty Shades of Grey. All kidding aside, costumes or acting out a scenario, playing roles sounds hilarious but it can be really awesome. Plus, laughing during for play and sex is allowed. Wishing you a delicious life is all ways. Remember you can be naughty and nice. Erotic is not just for twenty somethings. Get your sexy on.

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Sexy is not a bad word!

The whole sexuality/sensuality has gotten a really bad rap and has many confused.  For a certain time in my early twenties, I was heavier than I am now.  I didn’t feel sexy.  People just treated me normal.  By the time I turned twenty-seven I had lost over fifty pounds.  Both men and women treated me differently.  It was awkward.  I dressed differently.  My clothes were more form-fitting.  I could tell some of my female friends at the time didn’t like it.  Some were supportive though and I’ll always appreciate that.  Even going into to get a cup of coffee at the convenience store I would see some men stare at me.  It made me feel good sometimes.  It made me feel disgusting other times.  Like I wanted to wear a big parka over my clothes and hide.  I was an object and it felt like my sexuality was a public thing or something.  It like I was in brand-new skin and I didn’t know what to do with it.

Fast forward to age thirty-five, I celebrate my sexuality and am not afraid of being sexy.  I’m comfortable being me.  I am sexy.  I am a happily married woman and I can dress however I want.  This doesn’t make you easy, loose, a hoochie mama, a tramp, a slut, or a ho.  This idea that you have to not be sexy in order for men to not objectify you is bullshit.  Sorry, I get to define myself and my life on my terms.  I make up my own rules.  Other women’s beauty or sexiness have nothing to do with me.  I’m not in competition with them.  I want them to celebrate themselves, love everything about themselves, and have a wonderful sex life.  It doesn’t matter what you weigh, what your ethnicity is, or how “culturally” beautiful you are.  We can all be sexy, if we feel it inside.  We are sexual beings. There’s no need to shut that down.  Some people choose to be super private about it.  I honor everyone’s choices.  I love choices.  I get to rock a leopard bikini post it on Facebook, while someone else can just post pictures of their cat.  It’s all good.  I’m not more sexy than them, I’m just loud and proud about it.  I will not hide.  I will not be ashamed of my sexuality or my beautiful body.  If men or women appreciate my picture or me on the beach in a bikini, that’s cool.  But really, it doesn’t matter.  I live for me, not so others will say I’m thin, sexy, look great or that I’m beautiful.  It’s my job to tell myself that.  Being sexy is just one aspect of me.

If people get the wrong idea of me based upon a picture of me, that’s on them.  I know that people get upset when women are objectified.  They’re getting messages from magazines, the media, and the porn industry that they have to be sexy to be valued.  I totally understand that.  But there is not one type of sexy.  And it can be defined as provoking or intended to provoke sexual interest.  Or as feeling sexual interest; aroused.  And also as interesting, exciting, or trendy.  Does that sound so terrible?  Not to me.  To me, it’s a vibe that people give of.  It’s an aliveness.  A vibrancy that doesn’t have to do with what they’re wearing, but rather their energy.  I’ve seen scantily clad chicks that have a blank look on their face and I don’t think it’s sexy.  I think that when people are comfortable in their own skin, when they are happy, and when they glow from the inside it is very sexy.

We can always redefine how we see ourselves, the world, a certain concept, or a word.  I can’t keep blaming the culture for how I feel about myself. I get to choose what magazines I read, which is only really Oprah lately.  I can watch TV or movies that make me feel good, that add to my life in a positive way.  I am not a slave to trends but I love fashion.  I make my choices to create a happy life for myself and great self-esteem.  We are not our bodies, we are spiritual beings occupying them for a certain amount of time.  But we don’t have to vilify the physical in order to be more spiritual.  Old concepts can always be questioned so we can discover our own truth.

We have been giving mixed messages especially to girls.  Be confident, but not too confident.  Feel good about yourself, but not too confident. You can be sexy, but not too sexy.  Do we really know that invisible line to cross?  Does anyone know where anyone else’s line should be?  Everyone can decide for themselves.  It’s all intention anyway.  A female who feels good about herself, is confident, and feels sexy is a healthy women.  Let her decide how that will be for her.  No more trashing or judging sexy women.  And no more trashing or judging women who we don’t think are attractive or sexy enough.  When we realize there is no competition with other women we can empower ourselves to live our best lives on our own terms.  Let’s cheer each other on.  That’s my vision for the future.  We can all shine in our own way.  Rock on, Ladies!

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