Sunday, February 10, 2013

Sexy is not a bad word!

The whole sexuality/sensuality has gotten a really bad rap and has many confused.  For a certain time in my early twenties, I was heavier than I am now.  I didn’t feel sexy.  People just treated me normal.  By the time I turned twenty-seven I had lost over fifty pounds.  Both men and women treated me differently.  It was awkward.  I dressed differently.  My clothes were more form-fitting.  I could tell some of my female friends at the time didn’t like it.  Some were supportive though and I’ll always appreciate that.  Even going into to get a cup of coffee at the convenience store I would see some men stare at me.  It made me feel good sometimes.  It made me feel disgusting other times.  Like I wanted to wear a big parka over my clothes and hide.  I was an object and it felt like my sexuality was a public thing or something.  It like I was in brand-new skin and I didn’t know what to do with it.

Fast forward to age thirty-five, I celebrate my sexuality and am not afraid of being sexy.  I’m comfortable being me.  I am sexy.  I am a happily married woman and I can dress however I want.  This doesn’t make you easy, loose, a hoochie mama, a tramp, a slut, or a ho.  This idea that you have to not be sexy in order for men to not objectify you is bullshit.  Sorry, I get to define myself and my life on my terms.  I make up my own rules.  Other women’s beauty or sexiness have nothing to do with me.  I’m not in competition with them.  I want them to celebrate themselves, love everything about themselves, and have a wonderful sex life.  It doesn’t matter what you weigh, what your ethnicity is, or how “culturally” beautiful you are.  We can all be sexy, if we feel it inside.  We are sexual beings. There’s no need to shut that down.  Some people choose to be super private about it.  I honor everyone’s choices.  I love choices.  I get to rock a leopard bikini post it on Facebook, while someone else can just post pictures of their cat.  It’s all good.  I’m not more sexy than them, I’m just loud and proud about it.  I will not hide.  I will not be ashamed of my sexuality or my beautiful body.  If men or women appreciate my picture or me on the beach in a bikini, that’s cool.  But really, it doesn’t matter.  I live for me, not so others will say I’m thin, sexy, look great or that I’m beautiful.  It’s my job to tell myself that.  Being sexy is just one aspect of me.

If people get the wrong idea of me based upon a picture of me, that’s on them.  I know that people get upset when women are objectified.  They’re getting messages from magazines, the media, and the porn industry that they have to be sexy to be valued.  I totally understand that.  But there is not one type of sexy.  And it can be defined as provoking or intended to provoke sexual interest.  Or as feeling sexual interest; aroused.  And also as interesting, exciting, or trendy.  Does that sound so terrible?  Not to me.  To me, it’s a vibe that people give of.  It’s an aliveness.  A vibrancy that doesn’t have to do with what they’re wearing, but rather their energy.  I’ve seen scantily clad chicks that have a blank look on their face and I don’t think it’s sexy.  I think that when people are comfortable in their own skin, when they are happy, and when they glow from the inside it is very sexy.

We can always redefine how we see ourselves, the world, a certain concept, or a word.  I can’t keep blaming the culture for how I feel about myself. I get to choose what magazines I read, which is only really Oprah lately.  I can watch TV or movies that make me feel good, that add to my life in a positive way.  I am not a slave to trends but I love fashion.  I make my choices to create a happy life for myself and great self-esteem.  We are not our bodies, we are spiritual beings occupying them for a certain amount of time.  But we don’t have to vilify the physical in order to be more spiritual.  Old concepts can always be questioned so we can discover our own truth.

We have been giving mixed messages especially to girls.  Be confident, but not too confident.  Feel good about yourself, but not too confident. You can be sexy, but not too sexy.  Do we really know that invisible line to cross?  Does anyone know where anyone else’s line should be?  Everyone can decide for themselves.  It’s all intention anyway.  A female who feels good about herself, is confident, and feels sexy is a healthy women.  Let her decide how that will be for her.  No more trashing or judging sexy women.  And no more trashing or judging women who we don’t think are attractive or sexy enough.  When we realize there is no competition with other women we can empower ourselves to live our best lives on our own terms.  Let’s cheer each other on.  That’s my vision for the future.  We can all shine in our own way.  Rock on, Ladies!

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