Monday, October 17, 2011

What a weekend!

It was a whirlwind weekend. I had an extraordinary few days.  I love to share what I learn and writing is one of my passions, so win-win.  It was a roller coaster, for sure.  Now, it's Monday night and I'm having a martini made by me and my husband. Steeped blackberries & blueberries in water, blended and Raspberry vodka, with a touch of agave nectar.  Martini Monday, YAY! I'll call it a 3-Berry Perrytini. 

Friday was my Aunt's funeral.  I wanted to first honor my Aunt Ber, my dad's oldest sister.  She was a wonderful woman who loved her children unconditionally.  She had shown a great example of that for all in our family.  I was sending all my love to my cousins who have lost both their parents now.  My aunt really was never the same after her beloved husband died.  I knew she was at peace with him now.  She passed on the same day that my grandmother did, fourteen years earlier.  That reminds us, they were still connected.  I felt the best way to honor her is to celebrate her life and to fully live my own.  I told my cousins that even she left too soon for us, she had so much love in her life.  They knew she had loved them and she knew that they all had loved her. 

I was asked to read the eulogy.  My intention was that her children would find some peace and comfort as I read it.  What they wrote was beautiful.  I felt her love in the church.  I was so nervous that I had waves of fear wash over me from drive there until I finished reading it.  My husband reminded me that morning, that I had to get use to public speaking for when I would speak about my book.  But anxiety kept following me, all the way up the highway to the funeral.  I cleared the energy, every time it came up, and felt centered again.  I wanted to be a beacon of Light, in keeping my energy and vibration, high, clear, and pure.  I wanted everyone there to feel my aunt's appreciation and love for them.  She is is all of their hearts.  In the past, when people passed, I would feel fear about everything.  I would think of losing my loved ones and go into sorrow.  This did not serve me.  My outlook is so different nowadays, knowing that fearing things doesn't prevent them or make you more prepared.  It makes you live in fear.  Instead, I live in the now.  I live in the moment, today, loving everyone and everything, including myself fully.  The legacy my aunt left was of love and family.  You cannot dwell on the loss, but rather on the love. I love you, Aunt Ber and I'll miss your great hugs and encouragement.  You always made me feel special and loved. 

On Saturday, my daughter, McKayla was in the Junior Miss Ocean City pageant and let me start by saying...I was not a mother that started their kids as a little peanut with the fake tans and all that.  I don't judge but that's just not me.  She decided to do a pageant at twelve and she has been in four to date.  She has made great friendships and had lot so of fun.  A lot of hard work on her part go into it.  My darling mother has become her sugar-pageant-mama helping her all along the way.  At every pageant, I could throw up, I am so nervous it's ridiculous.  It is what Moms do, we support our kids in what they like, not what we choose for them. 

It started out great at Abella's Salon in the morning.  She had her hair done, exactly how she wanted.  The stylist was a friend of ours sister and we didn't even plan it.  Her makeup was perfect and she walked out on Cloud Nine.  We came home, in time for her to put on her interview dress.  The interview earlier in the day accounts for thirty-some percent of the total.  No pressure there.  She tried on the dress and the pockets didn't lay right.  I felt like it wasn't a great fit when she first got it, but didn't say anything.  It was fifteen minutes before we had to leave and I was trying to sew the pockets shut.  Running out of time, I told her that I would cut the pockets and she agrees.  I think I had been watching too much Project Runway.  When she sat down, you could see where the holes for the pockets use to be and her skin was showing.  Full on panic mode.  We were racing around her room, yelling, trying to find a replacement.  Luckily, she's a well-dressed girl and we found something.  She wasn't happy, it rocked her confidence and she felt I was responsible.  The drive there was dramatic and stressful, as I tried to make things better.  I still had faith that she would do great.  She looked beautiful and possessed a dynamic personality. I wouldn't see her until the pageant started, five fours later. 

I left in a tither.  I pulled up to the house and she called me.  Her interview was already over.  She didn't think she did well but she was in good spirits.  It was her life and she had to make it her own, learning her own lessons to find her own way.  I went inside and decided that I was going to hold the space for her in my mind, as doing really well.  She wanted to win, but getting an award or being a runner up would be great.  I knew her talent routine was stellar and her dress was a show stopper.  I spiffed up the whole family to go support her.  I stuffed my pocketbook with treats for my littlest guy. 

All the Moms at the pageant hold their breath when their daughters were performing, answering their on-stage question, and walking down the runway.  I wanted all of the girls to do well and rooted for them.  If it was up to me, everyone would win, but that's just me.  These girls, ranging from twelve to fifteen knocked your socks off.  They mesmerized you with their talent, poise, grace, beauty, and overall awesomeness.  I chose to chill my nerves often, by breathing deep, although a glass of wine would have been perfect.  I really didn't know who would win because they were that good.  I admired their bravery for one.  I didn't have one iota of that confidence at that age.  They could carry that confidence to boardrooms, stages, interviews, and their life.  Watching my daughter on stage amazed me.  She gets more gorgeous everyday.  And she has it all.  I didn't have that kind of confidence at that age, for sure. 

We awaited the final result of the competition.  And fourth place goes to...#14, McKayla Perry.  OMG, that's her!!!  That's my daughter.  YES!!!  She was so happy.  I was so relieved.  Her friend, Kylie Clearkin won.  We were happy for her.  My daughter posed for a picture with her, they are both glowing.  My little guy was sleeping but my ten year old and four year old are gushing over my daughter and so was my Aunt Denise, my Mom, my husband, my sister, her boyfriend, friends, and everyone we knew that passed by.  The car ride home was electric, there was so much excitement floating around.  We didn't get to bed until late.

Sunday morning, my daughter and I were up at sunrise to get on a bus trip with lot of spunky ladies to see a Broadway show.  My mother treated us all to a girls day, my mom, my sister, my daughter, and I. It was magical.  I talked to my sister on the two hour drive there, enjoying all the Autumn leaves.  I got so giddy when we stepped of the bus onto the streets of new York.  Whenever I visit up there, I always feel like a super-happy-damn tourist.  I led everyone to get New York t-shirts I snapping pictures, practically skipping. We walked down a charming street, with trees and old-world charm.   We have a reservation at a fabulous Italian restaurant.  I dined on breaded zucchini appetizer, smoked mozzarella ravioli with creamy pesto, Cabernet Savignon and delightful conversation.  Before you knew it, it was time to go see the drag Queens in Priscilla:  Queen of the Desert.  Even though the city was filled with people, it felt so open.  It's so alive.

My mom bought a fuchsia feather boa and my sister and I had pink margaritas.  The theater was breathtaking.  All the gold on the ceiling, the chandeliers, and richness was timeless.  Frank Sinatra played on that very stage. The show was a sparkle-lovers dream.  That's me.  I was wearing a sequined t-shirt, just for the occasion.  It had it all, Drag Queens, phenomenal performers, fun music, every color of the rainbow, bright lights, racy jokes, touching moments, bare men's tushes, and a real message of acceptance.  The two hours flew by, leaving you wanting just one more sparkly person singing and dancing to a song.  It was one of those days, where you committed it to the memory book in your heart.  We drove back in the bus and I couldn't wait to see my boys and my husband.  I love my life.

Those three days felt like it encompassed the highs and lows of life.  Go with the flow, the ebb and flow.  You can't live in the past.  You will miss out on the present, which is a gift.  Consciously be present with yourself and everyone you love, because every moment is fleeting.   It reminded me that I love my life, to the max.  I have dreams and aspirations.  I learn, grow, and expand everyday.  I release what doesn't work anymore and find out who I am, in the process.  My true essence is revealed more everyday as I let myself shine.  My wish is for all of you is that you love yourself, find what makes you happy, and enjoy your life.  Enjoy the ride and have fun on the journey.


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