In 2013, you can get more lean or just be a Queen.

We're heading into the holiday hoopla-happiness-haze that lasts until the kids go back to school in the Perry household.  I am looking towards 2013 with some new goals.  I wanted to take a moment to encourage you all to look at resolutions for yourself...with joy, not self-doubt and dread.  Focusing on what you want is always good.  Even if you're not even close to where you want to be with your goal, I believe in you.  I believe it is possible.  I'm going to share what mine was last year.

January 1st of 2012, I started the day with a polar plunge into the frigid Atlantic Ocean in a bikini.  I wanted to look rockin' in a bikini for the summer and started to envision that happening.  I got myself mentally geared up, but didn't really commit until February 28th.  That is when I was ready.  And I achieved my goal.  It really wasn't about a number, it was about a feeling.  I wanted to really be comfortable with my body.  I wanted to get lean, but I really wanted to feel like a Queen.  When you want to lose weight, it can help you to see the pounds dropping on that scale.  But it doesn't happen overnight, so weighing yourself no more than once a week is beneficial.   You almost have to ignore what is, your current you, and just look forward.  KNOWING that each meal, each workout, each day is creating this new you.  It will pay off.  You know this.  It's science.  After having four kids, I know how to lose weight and have been up and down.  This time, I knew feeling good is an inside job.  I looked at what I ate and how I exercised as just choices.  Not good or bad, just choices.  If I made them good or bad, I'd make me good or bad.  I really made my goal about being strong.  Try that one on for size, instead of saying:  "Ugh, I'm so fat.  I NEED to lose weight, but I hate to exercise....blah, blah, blah."  Say:  "I'm getting in shape this year.  I am going to be so strong.  I can't wait to see what I can do.  There are great meals I can come up with.  I'll make it an adventure to see what exercise I like."  See how much the energy changes.  YOU CAN CHANGE.  If you want to change something, you can.  Enjoy your journey whatever it is.

Now losing weight may not be your goal and it doesn't matter what it is.  Love yourself first.  Always feel like a Queen...or King.  But if you absolutely hate everything right now and force yourself to make changes, you're looking at circumstances which ultimately are not what make you happy.  You do.  And really examine what your goals are and why you want them.  They have to be for you.  Listen to your heart whispers.   What are they telling you?  Have you always wanted to do something?  Do you know something needs to change?  Does the Universe keep giving you signs?  Not reaching outside of your comfort zone keeps you comfortable, which is not living up to your full potential.  Some moments along your journey shake you up, bring up doubt, making you question yourself.  This is good.  Then you see what you are made of.  Don't let stress or being uncomfortable stop you from your goal.  They're just growing pains.  Even this week, I was dealing with stress and self-doubt crept its ugly head up and I had to decide what to do.  I felt extremely uncomfortable and trusted that it would be okay.  It will be okay.  I choose me.  And I want you to choose you.  I am cheering you on and know that 2013 is YOUR year!  Maybe this is your sign from the Universe.  If it touches your heart, it is.  I believe in you.  Before the clock strikes midnight, commit to writing down goals for 2013.  Let your imagination go wild with possibility for what your life could look like.  What do you want to feel in 2013?  Dream big!  Next will come the steps to get there, but first declare what you want to the Universe.  GO________(insert your name), GO!  Got my sparkly pom-poms and I am rooting for you, Kings & Queens!!!  Woohoo!!!

Ya never know...

I have a blog, a Facebook page, and am starting this business as Peace Love Joy & Sparkles.  But ya never know...I could be a complete asshole in real life.  I'm not.  I promise...most of the time.  LOL!  I'm just kidding.  My message is about loving yourself and being about love, coming from the highest of intentions, and living from your higher self.  This does not mean that I don't make mistakes, I'm never striving for perfection...I'm striving to be me.  Living my truth means that I am authentic.  I live with an open heart.  I'm honest about my struggles.  Most importantly, I'm honest with myself.    So I'm writing this blog, not so anyone thinks I'm anything, or to toot my own horn.  Although I do loving tootin' my own horn and love hearing other tootin' theirs.  I felt inspired to write this.  I'm sharing my feelings so that maybe someone will learn something or I'll make them think.

Someone had said some mean stuff about me.  It caught me off guard and I was wondering why I was experiencing this drama.  But on some level, I didn't even feel like what they said was even about me. I mean we all live life through our own filter, our perspective, and sometimes our wounds.  I made a choice to not be angry.  It was kind of surreal.  I wished them well.  I really meant it.  I knew in my heart that there is not room for grudges, resentments, guilt, regret, or any of that.  I like to keep more room for love.  So I moved on.  I forgave.  I chose me.  I chose love.  I chose God-Source-Universe.

Eventually, I ran into them.  A rush of fear-if you'd call it that, came over me.  See, I don't do enemies.  I don't do hard feelings against other people.  I don't like feeling uncomfortable or hardened towards anyone.  I try to live on the high road.  Or at least if I take the wrong exit, I get right back on quick.  What did I do in that panicked moment?  I went up and hugged them.  I said, "I don't have anything against you" or something like that.  It was a holy moment.  I am not weak by doing this.  I don't need anyone to think I was strong either.  I chose me again.  I chose God again.  This made me feel good.  Being mad at them punishes me, by letting toxic feelings keep brewing inside.  And ya never know...they could be going through struggles that I can't imagine.  Just like they may judge me for whatever...ya never know what's in someone's heart. 

I just ran into them again and felt that oh-this-is-awkward-I-feel-like-I'm-in-high-school-again.  I don't have to care what people think, but if people dislike you, it's a weird energy to be in.  I chose me and God again.  I went up to the person, who was with someone else that I know, and I talked to them like all the drama had never happen.  We both know it did, but I let it go.  You can be acquaintances, without being each others cup of tea.  Living like this makes me feel free.  And I send them love, 'cause that's how I roll.  I don't think that I'm better than anyone because I did this or feel this.  I live like this for me.  I choose to forgive myself and others, to live a fuller, more fulfilled, richer life.  And I am a teacher for my children especially.  I choose to look at my life as a spiritual journey, every single day and live it as such. 

So when you see a chick driving around with pink heart shaped sunglasses and a pink raincoat, blasting her music and singing along,  you may think...she looks superficial, like a flake, like a wild child.  Ya never know...she might be pretty deep too.  (This pink girl would be me with my Jennylicious style.)  Maybe I am a wild child, but I'm also praying and sending love to all the drivers on the road, the construction workers, the gentlemen who did my nails, his family, my family, my friends, my haters, mean people, everyone I know, and the whole entire Universe.  I send you all blessings right now.  And remember ya never know...look deeper, past the ego-drama-surface and see people on a soul level.  Let go of some judgement.  You may meet a stranger that's having a really bad day, but they come across as a jerk...ya never know.  Send them love, they may be acting out of pain.  Either way, it doesn't matter because when you rise above and come from love, you benefit.  And so does everyone else. 

Intention is everything!

I have often felt and been misunderstood in my life.  It can be frustrating, but it reminds you to look within and to ask what your intention is.  I know that looking back, I understand people now that I didn't understand before.  Life has a way of teaching you, so you can grow and bloom into a fuller you.  Looking back, I remember feeling very misunderstood when I became a vegetarian around twelve or thirteen.  Some people would get angry and defensive at my choice.  I never said everyone should be a vegetarian.  I just didn't like the taste, the texture, or the thought of it.  I know people thought I was weird.   Still do.  ;)  My Mom was so supportive and never once tried to make me eat meat ever again.  She's one who has not always understood my choices, but totally honored them and loved me.  I often have chosen the road less traveled, in my thinking, parenting, spirituality, etc.  The interesting thing about the people who I angered with my food choices is that my intention was to do what felt right for me.  I knew in my heart that my choice was right.  I think the perception was that I thought they were wrong.  I don't have to think "they" are wrong, but that it is "wrong" for me.  I may not understand them either, not even just their food preferences, but also their judgy behavior...which I don't have to!  YAY!   I chose to respect others.  That works for me.  Some may have thought I had the thinking that I was better than them because of being a vegetarian, which is so not true. I don't think I'm better than anyone.  I don't play that game. 

Self love is something I understand now that I did not in the past.  Years ago, if I saw someone really confident, flaunting how beautiful they are, I may feel threatened and jealous.  If I personally knew them, I hope I wouldn't be, but my own insecurity probably would have compared myself to them and had to make them "wrong" to feel better.  I would have labeled them as narcissistic.  Which is BS because I don't know their intention.  Maybe they just like the way they look and they are proud of themselves.  It DOES NOT make them narcissistic.  That's a funny word to me because it means self-love but to excess, that you lack empathy for others, and you think you are more important than others.  Well, how the hell would I know what others think anyway?  If someone loves themselves from the place of ego, it's not love.  If they LOVE themselves from their true self, they radiate something special.  You are attracted to them.  Confidence really is sexy.  I love being secure within myself that I applaud others, cheering them one.  When someone feels good about themselves, I literally could cry tears of joy, because it's such a beautiful thing.  And I know if they truly love themselves, they have so much love for others. I know people may not understand my self-love journey and why I am the way I am. I'm okay with that. I still love me and I'm gonna shout it from the rooftops to inspire others. And I'll still cheer the haters on.  They may think...who do I think I am?  I'm  me.  (Another inspiration from Oprah-who I feel is a friend even though we never met.)

So the lesson I learned is people don't have to "get" you.  Some will NEVER understand you. When they question, challenge, or judge you...look within.  Focus on your intention.  My intention in any conflict with anyone is for peace and to come from love.  This is a challenge, but I'll keep at it.  Understanding yourself is the most wonderful feeling ever.  That's what really matters.  You know who you are.  And some will never really know you.  So stop trying to get them to like, get, understand, approve, know, love, or accept you.  Their lens, perspective, understanding and life is just different than yours.  Don't take it personally.  Just LOVE YOU.  Send them love on a spiritual level.  And keep doin' your thing!  Blessings! 

Relationships are what you make 'em!

If you want any relationship to improve, improve the way you think about it, talk about it, and look at it. Stop focusing on what they don't do, what they do wrong, what they need to change in order to make you happy. Obviously, if they are abusive, kick 'em to the curb. I'm talkin' about with our partners, friends, kids, parents, siblings, whoever. If you internally focus on YOUR OWN HAPPINESS, I promise you that those little things that annoy you seem to fade away. Not to sound morbid, but when I started thinking about how different it would be if I knew that either one of us was dying...BOY, do you appreciate and honor that person more. YOU have the power to improve your relationships. 

 

 With your partner especially, cause why not have the best relationship you can, in every way, on every level. If you want them to be more romantic or appreciative of you, be more romantic and appreciative of them. Love them the way they want to be loved. If you withhold love, you punish yourself. If you feel shy about telling them how much you love them, write them a note, give them a card, text them. Do this without any expectation. Do not judge how they react. Some people just can't say all those mushy things but show their love in other ways. You CAN reinvent a relationship. Put the spice back in it. Fall in love with them again. Recommit to one another. Ask them what they'd like to improve and listen with an open heart. If you want to deeply connected to them, let them see you love them unconditionally, and be their safe place to come home to, where they can be themselves. And for your own good: Let go of the "you never, you always, what can't you, you're not" and all that past stuff you say to them when you're hurt. If you want to look forward to a beautiful future together, let go of the past. And never be afraid to say I'm sorry or I love you. Happy relationships to all.

Realtionships ROCK!

All of our relationships teach us about ourselves.  Our romantic partners, children, parents, siblings, friends, coworkers, and our adversaries all bring up and point out our "stuff."  Our closest relationships have the potential to really help us grow and become more of who were truly are.  Sounds like woo woo to you, that's fine.  If everyone in your life pisses you off, pushes your buttons, makes you angry, and you want to feel better...then suspend your old way of thinking for a minute.  You see, these triggers are a gift.  They don't feel like it, but they can be.  These are  opportunities to look within and ask yourself lots of questions:

~Why do I get so ANGRY when people don't agree, validate, or make me happy by what they are doing?  (Often with our children, coworkers, partners, etc...whatever situations make you really mad.)  It's a chance to let go of the need to control others and find peace within ourselves, no matter what someone else is doing. 

~When my feelings get HURT from someone not including me, insulting me, or my partner/friend/parent/whoever not giving me enough attention...what is this bringing up for me to heal?  (Whatever triggers make you feel wounded is the key here.)  Your past feelings from when you were picked last in gym class come up at times like this. 

~Whenever you go into the dynamic of blame and victim, stop for a second.  Listen to what you are saying and thinking.  "They always do this.  Everyone does this to me.  Whatever I do is never enough for you.  You make me so mad.  All you ever do is take, take, take.  You're so mean to me.  You never do it right."  Sometimes we have a habit of saying the same things often to people or thinking them.  This is a great time to journal or take a piece of paper out to find out what else is going on.  You can:  A.  Write down what you want to feel.  What you want, instead of what's going on.  B. Write down all the times you can think of where you felt this way.  It helps heal, when you deal.  C.  Write down how you could possibly say, do, or think of the situation or person differently.   

Avoiding people and situations can work for a little while, but eventually you'll encounter people...unless you hide away in a hut somewhere, which I certainly did not come here for.  I came here to learn, grow, enjoy, teach, and so many other things.  What works for me is to be honest with myself.  I don't have to necessarily tell they other person they upset me.  It can create unnecessary drama.  There intention may be good, but you have a negative reaction because it's about YOU.  Isn't that awesome!  Everyone doesn't have to change in order for you to be happy!  This is where my four children give me countless times a day to do my internal work so I can experience more joy.  As always, do what works for you.  Setting intentions, forgiving, letting go, blessing others, Law of Attraction, self-growth, sending love & light, healing energy, new agey-woo woo stuff continues to change my life.  So I'm gonna keep on keepin' on!  And remember...No one can "make" you feel bad or mad.  What they do or say has no power over you.   You are way more powerful that that.  You have a choice always.  Blessings!

The perfect mom is off the the hook.

Yeah, there are blogs every day about letting Moms off the hook for being "perfect." Or about women in general, having to be superwoman.  The demands to be sexy, smart, organized, creative, peaceful and assertive and all these conflicting, muddy messages.  Well, I'm going to weigh in here.  I am letting you ALL off the hook...AGAIN.  This is written to me also, cause who doesn't need the reminder.

I don't read parenting magazines.  I think there are many different ways to parent that are all going to yield some wonderful adults.  In theory, this sounds good, right?  Until you talk to other parents and find out what they are doing.  For me, it goes like this:  School is about to start.  And dance.  And soccer.  Oh yes...and then there is that career I'm launching.  I am staying in shape too.  I guess my 2 1/2 year old will have to take up weight lifting too.  All four kids will have to eat dinner every night.  In my mind, the thoughts start rolling, like a freight train. I need to get more organized.  Successful people are organized...but then I am going to have to be vigilant every day about the kids not cluttering up/messing up/making things unorganized.  I have to be the room mom for my son in kindergarten, because I was for the older two kids.  And if other Moms volunteer in his classroom, once a week, I will to.  Because I don't want him to think I don't love/care/want to be involved.  I should take my two year old to the playground, so he can make friends, and I think they have a toddler music class too.  *Do you hear this bullshit?*  I take it all off the table and start again.  The question is:  What works for me?  What will work best for my family?  Ask yourself.  It is your choice, you can add them all back onto the table.  But it feels different when it is a choice, not an obligation or a "should."

I think it is wonderful when Moms can be everything to everyone.  I am not one of them, nor do I care to be.  I have to be true to me.  I can be more present with my kids if I am not stressed.  That's how I roll.  I am teaching my kids, through my example, on how to be a person.  And being off balance, trying to be "superwoman" is just not my thing.  That is the FABULOUS thing.  We, as Moms, get to define how we do it.  My mom was a working mom and I admire the ROCKSTAR that she still is.  She is smart, ambitious, and is the most amazing lady I ever met.  She reminds me all the time to let myself off the hook.  She didn't go to class parties, but I knew she loved me.  Whether you are a stay-at-home-mom, work full-time, part-time, it doesn't matter.  You set boundaries, because no one else will set them for you.  Do something for yourself every day, whether it is a taking a walk, dancing, treating yourself, but fill up your self-love tank.  Your kids don't realize you're a person, they just think you're a Mom, who feeds them, drives them around, and is at their service 24-7.  If that works for you, great, if not....YOU ARE OFF THE HOOK.  Let go of the "perfect/good/nice" mom thing.  I, for one, am perfect for me.  :)

And YAY for choices!!!  A happy Mom is what kids want most.  My advice:  Love them lots and be silly with them.  Blessings to all!  And Dads, men, people in general, I hereby decree:  YOU ARE OFF THE HOOK ALSO.  Take a deep breath.  You can be yourself now.  And don't forget to enjoy life!!!  Lovies, Jennylicious!!!

YOU DAY!

Hello Beautyilicious!  Take the day off!  If you can't today, do it real soon.  It's essential to nurture your spirit, by taking care of your body and mind.  I am here by, giving you permission to stay in bed all day if you want.  You can watch movies and eat ice cream.  You can go by what your body tells you it wants.  Sometimes it needs to rest and relax.  For some, it needs to skydive, it's whatever you like.  Many people say, oh...but I have so much to do.  But I will tell you, the "stuff" can wait a day.  When you keep running around, minds never stopping, you can get worn out.  You body gets sick and needs to heal.  But you can hit the refresh button, just like on your computer.  Recharge yourself, by doing what you like.  Live on purpose and that could means going shopping, if that is what you have been wanting to do.  Let yourself have a vacation day, once a month.  You will thank yourself for it. 

Tips:
Think only what you want to think about.  Or don't think at all.
Do things that feel good.  Treat yourself like you really are on vacation.
Stress, worry, regret, fear, doubt, and guilt are not allowed to come on vacay with you.
Laugh, play, dance, lounge, swim, eat, drink, stretch, and whatever your body likes. 

Your kids can eat peanut butter and jelly or cereal.  Having a happy parent means more to their health, than what's for dinner one night a month.  Or order take-out if you can. Cook if you enjoy it.  This is about a state of mind.  So even if you can't afford to go on vacation, make yourself have the feeling.  Dust will wait for you.  Laundry is very patient.  Yard work is going to be there tomorrow.  It's your life, you make the rules.  You get to define how you like to live and what you want to do.  By making yourself top priority, you show others, including your kids, how to be happy themselves.  Show other the way to be happy, by being happy.

And I did follow my own advice and did this last Thursday.  I sat on my sun porch, with a saucy novel, and read for hours.  In the afternoon, I even made a fruity cocktail, which is named Liquid Sunshine. Psst...I invented it and it's just Pino Grigio with chopped pineapple, but it's delicious!  I did do some laundry, but didn't fold it.  You see, sheets that were peed on by little kids cannot wait, but I still had my vacay state of mind.  We ordered pizza for dinner and watched a funny movie.  The Thursday before, we went to the beach from 1pm to 7pm and we had pizza on the beach for dinner.  This is how you make a fabulous life for yourself.  You think it up and then create it.

Knowing that how I feel is the most important thing, I take care of myself everyday.  When you are aware of your energy and how your vibe is, you have so much more to give.  Although, you have to balance that.  There is no..."Oh, I'm so sorry I can't help that day" (or do that thing for you).  I don't say "I feel so bad..." when I can't do things anymore.  You can't be everything to everybody.  Especially to be successful and happy, you have to know what to say no to, and what to say yes to.  You can tell by the feeling inside, it gives you.  You have your answers within.  You really are a ROCKSTAR!  And Rockstars deserve vacations.  And another secret is:  You can live in the vacation state of mind all the time.  Just by treating yourself with kindness, following your bliss, doing things that make you feel good, and focusing on the positive...is like being on vacation.  That sense of freedom is always where, should you choose to accept the mission.  Your mission is:  TO LOVE YOURSELF UNABASHEDLY.  Now....GO!  Over and out, Roger! 

LOL!  Can you tell I have have little kids.  ;)